Homepage / Fake News / We’re Glad You’re Enjoying the Game, But Would You Mind Disabling Your Shot Blocker?
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Fake News

We’re Glad You’re Enjoying the Game, But Would You Mind Disabling Your Shot Blocker?


Hi there! It looks like you’re using a shot blocker. That’s okay. We totally understand.

But we are a point-supported organization, and without basket-driven numbers, our fans won’t stay on our side of this game. We depend on making shots to fund our staff and maintain our positive visibility.

We first noticed your shot blocker was active when we ran this play:

<script>
document.addEventListener(“NCAAGameLoaded”, function() {
setTimeout(function() {
if (document.getElementById(“player”).offsetHeight) {
document.getElementById(“player”).inPAINT = ‘No Shot Block’;
} else {
document.getElementById(“player”).inPAINT = ‘Shot Block Detected’;
}
}, 1000)
});
</script>

And it returned this result:

Shot Block Detected

We see you’re currently using the best field goal denier in the league. Please be fair and consider pausing your shot blocker to support our players who work tirelessly to create an exciting matchup. Otherwise, when shot blockers are present, we fail to monetize our efforts and are discouraged from creating other compelling content. Without shots being made, there would be no game.

Shot Block Detected

We understand your concern with protecting the rim at all costs, and we appreciate that you enjoy seeing a defensive player with a “considerable wingspan” assist his teammates by “raising up and swatting fools,” so maybe you could just disable the shot blocker on one part of the court? Not every section in our domain—just specific areas. Maybe when you’re setting the next pick you can also set a custom screen of sorts, to allow some shots to go through.

Shot Block Detected

Would you mind whitelisting us? Meaning, put in that lanky white mouth-breather who has no hope of swatting anything much less making an outside shot, even though it looks like his arms are long enough to reach from half court and just drop it in. It’s only fair and we’d appreciate your continued cooperation.

Shot Block Detected

Ok, we’ve offered you your last complimentary basket for the month. Disable your shot blocker now or your access to this basket may be entirely forbidden.

Shot Block Detected

How about a free tote bag and access to private content, like unrestricted access to the locker room and a video of our coach personally thanking you? It’s a slam dunk idea! Speaking of which, we’d love it if you disabled that feature as well.

Shot Block Detected

Please consider helping us out. The ball is in your court!

Shit, wait, that was our ball and we just handed it to one of your guys. Oh, come on!

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