Homepage / Fake News / Welcome to the Megabus Team, Newly Hired Customer Service Ambassador!
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Fake News

Welcome to the Megabus Team, Newly Hired Customer Service Ambassador!

Hello there new Megabus team member DEVIN!

We are thrilled to have you aboard, and wish you a warm welcome to the best long-distance bus service on the market.

In your new role as Customer Service Ambassador, we are excited to tap into the extensive customer service experience you gained: “FEEDING YOUR NEIGHBOR RHONDA’S PARAKEET FOR TWO WEEKS WHILE SHE WAS IN NEW ORLEANS FOR THE ESSENCE FESTIVAL,” as listed on your online application.

When looking for new members to join the Megabus family, we look for people with a very specific work ethic, mentality, and personality—someone that will reinforce the values of our company, and make sure our customers are getting exactly what they paid for. When you described yourself as someone who: “PREFERS WORKING ALONE TO WORKING IN A GROUP, NO PATIENCE FOR REPEATING MYSELF, WHY STAND WHEN YOU CAN SIT,” we knew you were Megabus material. Without folks like you, our company simply wouldn’t be able to operate.

But before we get too far into the roles and responsibilities specific to your position, it is important that you understand the Four Core Values of Megabus:

  1. Efficiency
  2. Affordability
  3. Comfort
  4. Confusion

Now, we understand that many new-hires find our company’s commitment to confusion a bit, for lack of a better word, confusing. But the fact of the matter is, travelers love to be confused. In many cases, the more confused a traveler is, the more they are willing to pay. We call this the Confusion Paradigm©.

Take international tourism, for example. Is anything more confusing than stepping off of a Boeing 747 in the middle of the Czech Republic and navigating to the nearest thermal spa for an exotic dip in the community baths? But that didn’t stop travelers from plunking down $1.37 trillion USD in International Tourism in 2015. The Confusion Paradigm© sits at the crux of everything we do as a company, and is the most important of the Four Core Values.

As a Customer Service Ambassador, you will be a foot soldier of confusion, playing a hands-on role in keeping customers anxious, nervous, and coming back for more. For new team members who may not feel comfortable cultivating an environment of confusion and anxiety on their own just yet, we recommend employing the following tactics to get the ball rolling:

  • Set up lines that do not lead to anything. If a customer asks what the line is for, give vague answers like, “It’s the Express,” or “It’s not for you.”
  • When a customer complains about the WiFi not working, suggest that they plug their phone into the complimentary outlet below their seat.
  • When a customer complains that their outlet does not work, suggest that they try turning their complimentary WiFi off and back on again.
  • Respond to any questions about a bus’s destination with “Philadelphia.”
  • Ignore any question about seat reservations. Some customers will believe they exist, some customers will believe they do not. They are both right.
  • Establish doubt in passengers’ minds about whether using the bus’s bathroom for “Number 2” is not permitted or is just morally frowned upon. This can be done through subtle comments in your pre-departure speech, or a generally annoyed face.

Remember, confusion is at the heart of everything we do here. Without it, we are nothing.

If you have any questions beyond what you included in your online application: “WHAT IS TIME OFF POLICY AND DO I HAVE TO STAND UP AT BUS DEPARTURE ZONE OR CAN I BRING A CHAIR FROM HOME?” please direct those to your regional director.

Best wishes,
Megabus Corp.

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