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Fake News

Two Chill Bros Are Trying To Stop Los Angeles From Banning House Parties

Two Chill Bros Are Trying To Stop Los Angeles From Banning House Parties

Raging house parties are nothing new to the city of Los Angeles (just ask Jake Paul), particularly in the Hollywood Hills – and it seems that residents and even the city itself are starting to get upset with how out of control the situation has become. Nuisance complaints are becoming more and more common, and supposedly the city is looking into a soft “ban” on house parties through stricter regulations. Enter Chad and JT, two extremely chill bros who want to defend the good name of house parties and their value to society at large.

Now let’s be honest – they’re clearly trolling the city council to some degree and playing characters, but there’s also pretty clearly more than a hint of honesty and truth to their tales. And the fact that they actually addressed the city council like this deserves some major props. And just in case you wanted to read the tales in a little more detail, here’s a transcript:

Councilman:  “Next speaker.  Yes sir, identify yourself.”

Chad: “What up council. My name is Chad Kroger, I’m an activist and house party enthusiast.  Over the past week I have been in a state of deep despair upon hearing the news that LA is trying to outlaw house parties in the Hollywood Hills.  I am here, determined, to stop this future atroxity.  House parties were the bedrock of my development as a young man in San Clemente.  My first introduction to manhood came when the captain of my water polo team, Boomer Kingsley, asked me to shotgun a tall can of Bud Light in front of the whole squad at his end-of-the-season bash.  His parents were in Tahoe at the time so we tore that weekend up.  It was epic.  And I was super stoked.  My newfound confidence gave me the courage to ask out the most popular girl in school, Lauren Stockholder, to prom that year.  She rejected me, and I had to go with Stacey MacMillan, but I didn’t care ’cause I was so amped on chugging with my boys. That’s what house parties do.  Raging at house parties is the truest way – “

Councilman:  “Thank you! Next. Next speaker please come and identify yourself.”

JT: “What up council, my name is JT Par, I am also here to defend parties in the Hollywood Hills.  I grew up like most kids – worried I couldn’t bench two plates, that I wouldn’t fit in, that I wouldn’t find love.  Then I discovered partying and suddenly all those worries went to the wayside.  I didn’t need love.  I had keg stands.  I discovered I was great at raging and it revealed wonderful things about myself; I could relate to bros regardless of what kind of bro they were.  I could be at a party and moon people and everyone would laugh. You know, be witty.  Or I could play beer pong and compete with real integrity.  In short, I fulfilled my potential.  If you outlaw house parties, you may keep the volume down, but an externality is that you might keep people from bonding. America needs bonding.  People need to put aside their differences and find common joy.  There’s no more effective environment for that than a freakin’ rager.  This is best exemplified in me and Chad’s relationship.  We were star-crossed: he, a surfer….me, a bodyboarder -“

Councilman: “Thank you, thank you, and I want to welcome you to LA council’s Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure…”

You may remember hearing about Chad ‘n his bros before – and in a similar city council setting! – when he made it his personal mission to get a statue of Paul Walker built in San Clemente:

They never did get the full statue built (although an action figure was put on display in City Hall), so hopefully they can retain house parties.

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