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Fake News

@TwitterSupport Your Platform Won’t Allow Me to Unfollow the American President

Hi, my name is Victor. I live in France. I’m having a bit of an issue with my Twitter.

For starters, I don’t remember subscribing to the American president’s Twitter account, @realdonaldtrump, but that’s fine. After a few drinks on a Friday night I usually find myself subscribed to various things I don’t care that much about. The problem is, I can’t seem to unfollow him. I clicked the button just now, and my browser redirected me to www.hahahafuckyouvictor.com.

Is this a common problem?

I actually like some of the American president’s tweets. He’s sarcastic in the French way: he doesn’t let on at all that he’s kidding, leaving you confused, uncomfortable, and fairly disturbed. But the American president tweets a lot. And that’s cool and all, but I’m not…you know…that interested in what he has to say. So I’m hoping someone from tech support can help me figure out what’s wrong with my Unfollow button.

Then again, maybe it was just that one time. Let me try clicking it again.

Okay, this time it redirected me to www.youcannotunfollowmevictor.com. A little strange. More than a little strange, actually, considering both URLs have had my name in them. Let me try unfollowing someone else, one of my friends or something.

Yeah, that worked fine. I can press Unfollow and Follow as many times as I want without being redirected to a different website. Maybe this is a problem with all American politicians’ Twitter accounts?

Let’s see. I’m going to follow Barack Obama. Okay. Now when I click Unfollow, it…yeah, it redirects me. www.youhaveabrightfuturevictor.com. Well, that’s certainly different. The website is just a photo of me with stars around it, and in the corner, Barack Obama giving a thumbs up. And when I go back to Twitter—hey, would you look at that! I’m not following him anymore. I guess it is working, sort of.

Well, wait a second. When I go to Hillary Clinton’s Twitter, the Follow button doesn’t work. It won’t let me follow her. What’s going on, you guys? There’s not a single French politician I can’t follow or unfollow with total ease. It’s literally just clicking a button.

I’m sorry, Twitter. But I’m beginning to think this has nothing to do with me. Your platform is bugged, or maybe it’s been hijacked or something. I tried one last time to unfollow the American president, this time on my phone, and I was redirected to www.jepossèdevotretéléphonevictor.com, which means, “I own your phone, Victor,” in French.

Simply put, this is not okay. The American president does not own my phone.

I hope you can resolve this issue quickly. I have notifications turned off for Twitter, or thought I did anyway, but I keep getting them for @realdonaldtrump’s tweets. And to be honest, I thought my English was pretty good, but after reading more of these, I’m not so sure. I can’t understand half of what he’s saying.

Are Americans having this problem as well? I just can’t imagine going through your day having to read someone’s every single thought without your permission.


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