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Fake News

Turning Their Guns Into Plowshares


Republicans shock a weary nation with an unexpected turnaround on guns!

rambo gunsIn a surprising and eloquent speech before the media today, President Select Trump offered new and unexpected opinions on the horrific mass shooting that shocked Texas and the world on Sunday.

Going against the major part of his constituents, he said boldly, “It is time that the gun owners and organizations of America start taking more responsibility for these horrific assaults on the public that have been occurring with more frequency in these last few years and stop using inflammatory rhetoric that divides this nation. They also need to rise to the forefront of the tidal wave of opinion that says that guns of mass destruction do not belong in the hands of the masses of people. When one person can step up and slaughter 27 and permanently cripple dozens of other in a few minutes time then that says that we need to change our ways. No one should be allowed to have this much destructive power in their hands.”

Even more surprising were the Senators and Legislators who formerly had been staunchly against gun control who softly and humbly offered their apologies for being self-interested jerks who let the NRA slip wads of money in their pockets in return for their support.

“It is with a heavy heart that I and my colleagues have agreed that there needs to be some sort of limits put on any sort of gun that can rapidly shoot out bullets that can kill and injure dozens of people as we have so graphically witnessed recently here in our own backyards,” said Mitch McConnell in a public speech at the Capital Building in Washington yesterday, backed by Mike Pence, John McCain, Richard Burr, Roy Blunt and other U.S. government officials, who were all formerly strongly against any sort of gun restrictions as it would interfere with their home improvement funds guaranteed them by manufacturers of guns.

“There is no reason other than greed and anger that any one individual should need a weapon so powerful and so destructive in his hands. I and the other members of the White House, Legislature and Senate behind me here all regret that we have not taken this stance before and thereby saved a lot of people from unnecessary, horrific deaths and injuries,” McConnell said. The huge crowd assembled showed their approval with ecstatic cheers and clapping. There were a few pro-gun protesters who were uncharacteristically silent, finally realizing that their control of the political machine had ended.

It was all so wonderful and beautiful. Then I and the rest of the country woke up from our collective dream unfortunately made of colorful but illusory mists to once again face the daily violent and overly- armed nightmare that we call America.

Can I go back to sleep now?

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Roger Freed
Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor.
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