Homepage / Fake News / Trump Twitter Habit is 'Sexual Sublimation,' Says Psychiatrist
5 Things To Know About Kirsten Gillibrand List: Signs You’re Under a Spell Cast By a Chill AF Retired Sorcerer With a Ponytail and a Peace Sign Tattoo Defiant Pelosi Begins Swimming To Afghanistan After Trump Denies Use Of Government Plane Trump Postpones Grand Opening Of Trump Tower Moscow Until Fuss Over Bombshell Report Dies Down Michael Cohen Says He Paid To Rig Polls In Trump’s Favor Trump Dismisses Trump As A Distraction ‘If This Report Is True’ To Be Repeated 5.7 Billion Times Today Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game Inside Mike Trapp's Gross New Animated Series ICE Launches Campaign To Reunite Immigrant Children With Arresting Officer Wow, Nobody Tells Me Anything Painfully Honest L.L. Bean Product Descriptions for Urbanites Fans Shocked After Marie Kondo Reveals She Has Been Dating Untidy Cupboard For Past 6 Months Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water Woman Didn’t Know Progress On Toxic Masculinity Would Turn Boyfriend Into Such A Weepy Little Pansy U.S. Taxpayers To Get Income Tax Refund Due To Government Shutdown | Adobo Chronicles Ready For Her Close-Up: This Actress Is Ready For Her Close-Up Is Your Aunt Peggy Paparazzi or Is She Just a Monster? Genetic Tests Reveal Jayme Closs's Abductor 2% Mexican 4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks 5 Things To Know About ‘Glass’ Pelosi Asks Trump To Delay State of the Union During Shutdown John Bolton Insists Iran Likely Harboring Dangerous Terrorist Osama Bin Laden ‘Don’t Make Me Regret This,’ Mueller Tells Rick Gates Before Uncuffing Him To Work On Investigation Together The Wall Leaves a Series of Voicemails for President Trump Could This Be The Last Season We See Rob Gronkowski Fully Assembled In A Patriots Uniform? Poll Finds 100% Of Americans Blame Shutdown Entirely On Colorado Representative Scott Tipton List: What I Imagine Being an English Butler is Like Karen Pence Returns To Work As Part-Time Nude Art Model How To Sound Smart Presumptuous Congressional Freshman Thinks She Can Just Come In And Represent Constituents Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth Netflix Raising Prices The Universe Tells Me | Points in Case List: The 5 Best Garnishes for an Egg Salad Sandwich on the Subway Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal The Survival Guide for Open Mics Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over Artists Draw Ugly Babies Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate Furloughed Government Employee Using Time Off To Visit Local Food Pantry She Been Hearing About Photo Of Egg Breaks World Record For Most-Liked Instagram Post Cute Winter Date Activities To Do Right Before You Break Up Pros And Cons Of Pet Insurance This Dog Is Way Too Happy About Smelling Cancer List: You Won’t Believe the Names of Charles Dickens’ Top Five Male Porn Stars Mom Wants To Know If You Could Use Grandma’s Antique, 12-Person Dining Room Table In Your Studio Apartment Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 15, 2019 Universe Admits We’re Here to Keep up with the Kardashians Man Crouched Inside Of Robotic Welding Arm Terrified Robot Will Eventually Take His Job Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe Lady Gaga Has Second Thoughts About Her “Do What You Want (With My Body)” Duet with R Kelly. Chuck Schumer Honestly Pretty Amazed He Hasn’t Caved Yet Progressive Populism: A Different Kind of Political Beauty GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment NBA Ref Petrified After Seeing Depiction Of Own Death While Looking Under Replay Hood Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along Poll Shows Increasing Number Of Voters Blame Founding Fathers For Starting America The Gruesome Truth About Parasites [Full Episode] Victorian Courtship Etiquette That I, A Millennial Male, Am In Favor of Rekindling William Barr Assures Senate He Will Let Donald Trump Finish His Job Without Any Interference Government Shutdowns By The Numbers FBI Opened Inquiry Into Whether Trump Working For Russians I Just Found Out My Hot Gay Boyfriend Is Also My Twin Brother Tinder Announces App Will No Longer Match Users Solely With Distant Relatives Advisors Instruct William Barr To Avoid Referring To Trump As ‘My Liege’ During Confirmation Hearing Most Americans Blame Trump For Shutdown Furloughed Federal Employee Starts Online Search For New Government GOP Strips Steve King Of Post On Powerful House Segregation Committee 2005 Minnesota Vikings (with Rob O'Connor) ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Excited To Hear Series Will Finally Be Over A Computer Co-Wrote this Sketch Christmas Really Over, Man Realizes As iPhone Game Switches Out Holiday Icon R&B Singer Guesses She’ll Just Keep Moaning Into Mic Until Song Is Over List: Chuck Norris Would Like to Revisit His Facts Nation’s Idiots Announce Plans To Jump Off Their Roofs Into A Pile Of Snow And Break Their Fucking Legs Tips To Become a Better Job Hunter & Gatherer I’m Orville Redenbacher’s Dad and I Think His Popcorn Sucks Ass White Nationalists Accuse Google of Anti-Nazi Bias When He Doesn't Get the Hint [Full Episode] The Lemon Water You Drank in an Attempt to Detox Needs Back-Up Let Me and the 10 Demons That Possess Me Host the Oscars Locker Rooms Bilbo Gets Trolled The Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ‘I’ve Never Had Sex’ Interview Pt 2 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Instant Pot Recipes for Angering Everyone The Humor Times Needs Your Help! The Trump Family Intervention – Marilyn Sands, Humor Times The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Senator Chuck Grassley and Former Senator Orrin Hatch A Day in the Life of Timothée Chalamet’s Stylist Oh No, Did We Hurt Brennan's Feelings? Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Admits: ‘I’ve Never Had Real Sex!’ | You make the news…We report it! List: Official Ranking of Every Hollywood “Chris” Ethan Hawke’s Body Found Dumped In Laurel Canyon As 2019 Oscar Race Heats Up I Will Continue to Block the Slide Until We Build a Wall Separating Our Recess from Mrs. Montgomery’s Class

Fake News

Trump Twitter Habit is ‘Sexual Sublimation,’ Says Psychiatrist

Late-night Twitter habit is all about sexual frustration, says Dr Hyman Schadenfreud, new White House psychiatrist.

WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump’s increasingly bizarre behavior, including his unhinged twitter habit, is the product of extreme and persistent sexual deprivation, according to Dr Hyman Schadenfreud, newly-appointed presidential psychiatrist at the White House.

Twitter habit is all about sexual frustration“Ze poor man is goink inzane,” Dr Schadenfreud said pityingly, in an exclusive interview with the Humor Times. “Ever zince ze Shtormy Daniels revelations, Frau Trump has been refusink all zexual relations vis him, und as ve all know, his little fingers must grab pussy at least vunce a day.”

Dr Schadenfreud, who was appointed White House shrink in March at the request of Trump’s “desperate” Chief-of-Staff , John Kelly, said that Mrs Trump had finally come “unshtuck” when she learned of the Stormy Daniels affair.

“Und vun cannot blame ze poor voman,” Dr Schadenfreud said. “After all, ze Fuhrer, excuse me, ze President, vos apparently shticking his vick in Fraulein Daniels almost on ze very day Melania was givink birth to yunk Barron. Even for an experienced zychiatrist such as myzelf, zis shtinks.”

Dr Schadenfreud added that the President’s predilection for being whacked on his tighty-whities with copies of financial magazines featuring himself, had “evolved.” Trump now spends most of his evenings and early mornings visiting Stormy Daniels websites, “und perhaps vun or two udders, no pun intended,” he sniggered. Instead of  “Shpanky,” the doctor revealed, his staff now refer to him as “Vanky.”

The President’s psychiatrist noted that his fixation on busty blondes who resemble his oldest daughter was no coincidence. “Actually,” he snorted with a twinkle, “I privately refer to her as ‘Iwanker,’ if you get my meanink.” He said that Trump’s late-night, early-morning Twitter storms were all sublimated self-gratification, and his obsession with Fox News partly a result of its policy of featuring leggy blondes in short skirts.

“Let us be frank,” he said, “a 71 year-old man does not have the recovery powers of a teenage boy. In Herr Trump’s case, he has to do somesing vis his fingers when he’s exhausted but still horny, und tveeting avay is a blessed relief. Zis may be ze reason too zat Melania so famously swatted away his hand when he tried to touch her. She knows vere dose fingers have been, ja?”

The doctor went on to speculate that Trump’s foreign and domestic policies were also driven by sexual frustration. “Shlapping tariffs on China und sending troops to ze Mexican border are all displacement activities,” he said. “What he is sayink is, if I can’t have it, neizer can you, ha ha.”

Dr Schadenfreud wound up by expressing the hope that he would eventually be appointed Surgeon General. “Let’s face it,” he said, “Herr Trump is screwing the country up so bad it’s going to take an expert in sexual disorders to get America’s head straight again. Like ve say, Oedipus-Shmoedipus, so long as you love your motherland, who cares?”

The following two tabs change content below.

Michael Egan
Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it’s going to take a new generation to acknowledge it. Check out his website, Editorial and Political Cartoons.
Michael Egan

Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.