Homepage / Fake News / Today’s Youth are Killing the Proud Tradition of Fighting for Honor and Glory in The Arena
Every Person In High-End Singapore Casino Either Carrying Out Or Target Of Assassination Frat Nutritionists Dare Americans To Swallow More Live Goldfish Study Finds Average American Gets Most Physical Exertion Waving Cell Phone Around To Get Signal We Were Young and in Love and it was Nuclear Winter Power Harassment Indifference: Income Inequality for Women Persists 2018 Top 10 Comedic News Stories White House Holiday Decorations Through History Trump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’ Trump Claims Substantial Portions Of The U.S.-Mexico Laser Forcefield Have Already Been Built Jonesing Nation Demands Trump Tell Them Where, Exactly, Drugs Are Pouring Into Country Satanic Statue On Display In Illinois Capitol Building For Holidays Soldier Back Home From Serving At Mexico Border Still Having Nightmares About Being Used As Political Prop How To Spot Red Flags With My Married Dom? (Love Advice) Google Translation for Work-Appropriate Self-Evaluations Local Clan Attempts To Intimidate Rivals With Aggressive Display Of Fertility See Plum Run: Official Music Video Authoritarian Secretary Of Transportation Declares She Has Ultimate Right Of Way In Every Traffic Scenario Bertolli Packaging Promises Empty Ravioli Floating In Filling-Saturated Water In Just 5 Minutes Court Filings Suggest Trump Illegally Directed Hush Money Payments Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 11, 2018 Mosquitos: The Best Support System You Never Knew You Had ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Now Just Hoping George R.R. Martin Dies Soon So Estate Can Release Whatever He’s Already Written Those Sensors That Flush Public Toilets Were Also Cameras This Whole Time John Kelly Resigns In Last-Ditch Effort To Save His And Trump’s Friendship John Kelly Out As Chief Of Staff MLB Hoping To Boost Attendance At League Meetings With ‘Star Wars’ Night 5 Reasons Why the Donner Party was Better Than Your Birthday Party Woman Trying To Wean Self Off Coffee By Switching To Long Island Iced Tea I Tricked My Girlfriend Into Dating Me For a Bet (Love Advice) White House Ficus To Leave For Virginia Arboretum After Declining Trump’s Offer To Be Chief Of Staff A Dirty Cop's Worst Nightmare At Disney, We Live Every Day In Terror That You’ll Turn On Superhero Movies Flakes On A Plain 5G Phones Coming Petting Zoo All Goats 10 Fun Ways to Market a House Without a Garage The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 10, 2018 Nixon’s Waterloo… My American Scandal I Am Not Like All the Rest: Funny Lines from Online Dating Profiles The Trumpanos: A New HBO Series Cap’n Crunch and Tony the Tiger Are Still Fighting About the National Anthem Kneelings and It’s Ruining My Mornings Lame Time Traveler Arrives to Warn Nation Against Electing Trump POTUS Wes Anderson Begins Filming Next Film In France A Funeral Director’s Guide on How Best to Die Dating By Invitation Only GPS Lite: The Navigation System That Doesn’t Know Where You’re Going Must Really Suck Being A Democrat These Days Help! I’m the Cialis Guy and I’m Trapped in an Eli Roth Film Fourth Verse Of Christmas Carol Gets Super Religious Tumblr To Ban All Adult Content The Swimsuit Issue L.A. Adds Lanes For Cyclists To Recover From Getting Hit By Cars I May Not Be The Prettiest Girl In The Room, But What I Do Have Is A Gun This Hotel A Goddamn Maze, Reports Father Michigan GOP Passes Legislation Rerouting Flint Drinking Water To Governor’s Mansion For Incoming Democrat Mom Sends Blurry, Indistinct Photo Of Computer Screen Showing Boots You Might Like Should The NFL Be Doing More To Prevent Female Concussions? How To Get A GoFundMe Insurance Plan NRCC Emails Stolen During Major 2018 Election Hack My Boyfriend Gave Me Cheetos For My Birthday (Love Advice) Zoologists Discover New Fastest Land Animal After Pumping White-Tailed Deer Full Of Steroids Fox News Intern Fetching Coffee Tells Herself This Will All Pay Off When She Trump’s Secretary Of State One Day Oscars to Give Out 'Participation' Awards Why You Never Ask Strangers in the Elevator If They Want to Get Drinks ‘Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’ Sunk By Unforgivable Inclusion Of Kirby, One Of The Most Offensive Harmful Stereotypes To Ever Appear In Popular Entertainment What's Beeping in the Giant Robot? Man Worried The 6th ‘Transformers’ Movie Will Just Be Stupid 5 Things To Know About ‘Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’ Top Agenda Items In Upcoming Democratic-Majority House The Trump Administration’s Official Recommendations for Hanukkah Parties Really, Was George W Bush So Bad? | You make the news…We report it! Sage Grouse Prepare To Defend Alaskan Territory Herpetologists Discover Species Of Frogs That Evolved To Spontaneously Grow Top Hat And Cane Woman Finds It Worrying That All Of New Boyfriend’s Previous Relationships Ended In Breakups Financial Experts Say Stock Market Constantly Plunging, Reaching Record Highs Leading Indicator Of Healthy Economy ‘No, Take Jeb Instead,’ Screams George W. Bush While Shoving Brother Into Father’s Grave David Attenborough Says Collapse Of Civilization On Horizon Should The NFL Prohibit Players From Appearing In Hotel Security Footage? Defeated Republicans In Wisconsin, Michigan Move To Neutralize Democrats Dog Who Successfully Detected Cancer In Owner Put Down For Practicing Medicine Without A License Trump Claims California Downpour Caused by 'Cloud Mismanagement' | Revlon Releases New Functionless Translucent Gel For Women Who Don’t Need Makeup Animorphs & Azkaban A Nightmare at the Abandoned Circuit City Incredibly Popular George H.W. Bush Funeral Gets Extended 2-Week Run Another Academy Award Winning Actor Grabs For The Racist Ring On National TV Optometrist Sets Pressure Of Air Puff Test Way Higher For Asshole Patients IBM Closes Jew-Tracking Division After Decades Of Declining Revenue Notes from Pantone Considering Which Shade of Taupe to Name 2019 Color of the Year Latest from the Humor Times Free App: ‘Christmas Wishes’ Trump is to Being President as Battery Acid is to Being a Skin Conditioner The 4 Medical Conditions That You Can Have Furloughed Willie Horton Pays Respects At George H.W. Bush Funeral International Climate Conference Kicks Off In Poland Producer Tells Actress Non-Disclosure Agreement Pretty Standard For Getting Away With Abusing His Power The Computer Mouse Turns 50 Mueller Expected To Reveal Details About 3 Major Players In Russia Investigation Wells Fargo Computer Glitch Accidentally Forecloses On All 5,700 Branches Our First Reactions To The Avengers 4 Trailer Wisconsin Legislature Weakens Incoming Democratic Governor By Restricting His Access To Food, Water, Shelter

Fake News

Today’s Youth are Killing the Proud Tradition of Fighting for Honor and Glory in The Arena



The Arena, a hallowed battleground where generations have wagered their lives for honor and acclaim. Sadly, these days fewer and fewer young people than ever are interested in The Arena and earning their keep in this competitive job market.

The principal charge against The Arena is that it exists only to please the ruling class. This is naive and immature. Our warlord built The Arena using resources he had the foresight to hoard before the collapse. Not only that, but he did so at great personal cost to his own workers. He took these risks so that the masses might be entertained. Watching and cheering as the strong overtake the weak is for the benefit of us all.

Protesting The Arena shows a lack of respect for the natural order of things. Ending a life to improve one’s material condition is how humans have always organized. The credo of “two men enter one man leaves” is the market as its most efficient, as it both allocates resources to the worthy and minimizes the waste of non-combatants. You can’t expect people to support entertainment that encourages the value of cowardice over an honorable death.

It wasn’t always this way. Our young people once proudly answered the call to battle. Not only did they never hesitate to sever a limb at the crowd’s behest, but they were grateful for the opportunity. Kids today believe they are entitled to life without having to fight and claim another’s life. They ought to learn that a clean cup of water tastes much sweeter when it’s been mixed with blood and properly earned in single combat for the adulation of the public and The Warlord.

Perhaps this wasteland wouldn’t seem so barren to these young people if they applied themselves to collecting skulls from the vanquished. Performing in The Arena doesn’t just reward a man with scars and haunting visions of the lives he’s ended, it builds character. Staring deeply into the eyes of an adversary as you plunge a rusted dagger into their chest is what person-to-person skills are all about. What better way to learn these valuable life skills?

If they don’t like their odds of victory in glorious combat, all these whiners have to do is accept exile and go scrounge the wastes with the rest of the dropouts.

While it is true that only a few contenders rise through The Arena’s ranks and etch their name into the hall of heroes, this is fundamentally for the best. Proving your worth in combat is the ultimate meritocracy. There is no greater example of equality of opportunity then two men determining which of them is removed from existence. Instead of denigrating the accomplishments of those who are skilled and ruthless, these complainers should be inspired by them.

Frankly, all that time and energy spent arguing about who deserves what would be better spent training in combat skills. A name isn’t built overnight and success in The Arena awaits those who can think outside the bars of its twisted, terrifying cage. The great Gore Jaws did not discover his signature throat tearing bite until his seventh pit fight, and Stabby Joe was but a low-level duelist until audiences were amused when he refused to stop puncturing a wailing deserter.

You need to put in the effort to discover what separates you from the rest of the unknowns among the mass graves. There is a pernicious assumption among the youth that if they’re forced to fight for their lives and freedom, they can just pick up a sword and shield and try their best. There are no participation trophies in The Arena, only the victorious and the dead.

Before this generation considers boycotting The Arena, they should think about who this decision hurts most. Those of us who are wracked with the indignities of age, and need some way to experience the pride of victory and the humiliation of defeat. Watching eager blood spill upon the sand helps us affirm our values, and distracts from the acid rain and ashen crops. The Arena is our last piece of pride and history. Young people should be eager to kill each other, and not turn their backs on our greatest tradition.


Will you tweet or share this article? Circle YES/NO.

Join other PIC writers in a comedy class at The Second City online (10% off), or subscribe to our newsletter for all-new articles (100% free).




Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish