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Fake News

Thousands of Middle Class Americans Storm Mexican Border Seeking Better Life

Tired of watching their fortunes and incomes dwindle, disgruntled Yanks storm Mexican border in huge numbers.

A major melee occurred today on the American/Mexican border as thousands of middle class Americans stormed the fences and barricades separating them from Central American soil. Overwhelmed and surprised Mexican border guards at first tried to halt the massive human avalanche, but eventually were forced back by the sheer numbers of Yankees seeking a better life for themselves.

TAmericans Storm Mexican Borderhe few who who were actually detained or got legal entry visas stated that their intent was actually to travel through Mexico to Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador to grab the lands left behind by those who had fled to the United States.

As the day went on, Mexican Special Agents were able to put together a picture of what the migrant caravan was all about.

Disgruntled working class and middle level Americans were tired of watching their fortunes and incomes dwindle as the upper classes gained heavily in finances and power in what used to be the ‘Greatest Country On Earth,’ according to some time eroded legend.

Like their fore-bearers before them, these ‘modern pioneers’ want to take over new lands and new frontiers where a person could start life afresh on fertile lands that held the promise of prosperity. The farms and homes abandoned by the multitudes swarming the US borders from Central America were seen as fair game to the Yanks since the prior inhabitants seemed to have no hesitations in assaulting the US borders with impunity.

“We are just seeking a better future for ourselves,” said Homer Grainier to NPR reporter Pashran Leftdelhi just the other side of the Rio Grande in Laredo, Mexico. “These refugees to the U.S. left behind their farms and homes in the cities to come leech off of America, so I say it is fair for us to come down and take over what they left behind. I think we can do a better job of it and have insight into how to make things prosper which they didn’t.”

When asked how they would deal with the gangs and the violence that supposedly caused the original inhabitants to flee, many answered that half the claims were bogus and also that the new white immigrants where armed with specially armed drones and guns.

“We came prepared to fight the way our forefathers fought off the British in the beginning of our country,” stated Alan Bushwhacker from southern Chicago. “Plus we know a few things about gangs ourselves.” It has been noted that a goodly number of the illegal US immigrants are former Gulf War veterans. “ We know how to take care of ourselves and, especially how to take care of terrorists, whether Arabic speaking or Spanish speaking!”

A number of gringos stopped in Mexico to put down roots. “They got so much land here they ain’t using!” commented Bernard Acregrabber. “We in America know how to use land. And we know about oil, the one thing Mexico is rich with. Of course, the big boys really dominate it here in Aztec land, but we can see about changing that,” Acregrabber winked. “We should have thought of this a long time ago. Mexico could have been our 51st state.”

Some were asked whether they were renouncing the US. A common answer was uttered by Alvin Teeparty, who said “I’m not going to bother Making America Great Again For Billionaires, I’m going to make my own 10 acres great for me and my family, thank you!” When asked whether they would seek proper asylum, a unanimous answer from many was “Hell no! The ones whose farms we’re taking over now have my old job at the assembly plant!”

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Roger Freed
rfreed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor.
Roger Freed

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