Ducks hanging out in pond at the zoo: Are they part of the goddamn zoo or not?
Emperor penguin: Didn’t incubate its egg properly, so its offspring froze to death in the embryo stage. Nice going, pal.
Pheasant: This hornswoggled fuck got its entire clutch of eggs stolen by foxes.
Hummingbird: Despite last year’s strong showing, hummingbirds have really fallen off in 2018. Sad to see it happen.
Albatross: The only thing these birds are portending is how much they suck.
Family of red-winged blackbirds: They perch on the tree in the front yard and seem to shit exclusively on our car. We can’t do anything about it because these smug fucks are protected under the U.S. Migratory Bird Act and they seem to know it.