Trump’s aides call for quick-draw artists able to explain complex issues in simple terms for “a hard-working President,” so they are looking for “a few good cartoonists.”
WASHINGTON DC – The White House staff issued a call today for “a few good cartoonists” or other quick-draw artists able to portray international issues in a form Mr Trump can easily grasp.
“It’s mainly the President’s Daily Briefing,” explained Sarah Huckabee Sanders in a hastily assembled press gaggle on the White House lawn.
“PDB information is so long and complicated, it needs to be boiled down and then visually expressed, preferably in an amusing narrative of Good versus Evil. In the end a grateful America begs Mr Trump to stop with so much winning.”
Ms Sanders went on to note that the President’s PDB comic should always portray him as a super-hero defeating dark-skinned or slit-eyed individuals, preferably in oriental garments. “Otherwise he won’t read it,” she noted.
“As far as Mr Trump is concerned,” Sanders continued, “a red cape and blue uniform are optional, though their design offers creative opportunities for the right artist! Every story’s final panel should show the president socking some foreign guy in the jaw or separating him from his children. And don’t forget to draw Mr Trump’s fists extra big!”
Responding to a question, Sanders noted that it would not always be necessary for the hired cartoonist to accurately portray international events, or even the actual contents of the President’s Daily Briefing.
“After all, truth isn’t truth,” she observed. “Mr Trump’s gut knows what’s going on better than any of his generals. So the Adventures of Big Rocket Man, as we intend to call it, will reflect his perceptions rather than theirs.
“In the first issue for example, planned for ASAP, Iran will be portrayed as The Evil Immam Incarnate, sprouting nuclear weapons and international terror. Vladimir Putin will release peace doves over Syria and Ivanka Trump, of course, will preside over the World Bank.”
After a moment Sanders added: “In a minor plot line, the White House’s press secretary wins the Nobel Prize for Journalism and is swept off her feet by George Clooney. Kellyanne Conway dies of total jealousy.”