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Fake News

The Trump Players and the Roller Coaster of Spin

Will Durst, The Trump Players and the Roller Coaster of Spin

It’s a repetitious dance and the Trump players all know their parts. Here’s how it always plays out.

The problem is more obvious than half a leech on the sneeze guard of a salad bar: we’re paying much too much attention. Our national obsession with new news concerning the man blundering about the Oval Office has obscured any overview at all. He has the unique ability to blot out the big picture. Especially when standing sideways.

Every time we think we’ve hit rock bottom, another subbasement gets dug, hidden in a cloud of smoke and mirrors. Donald Trump hasn’t just lowered the bar. He’s buried it. So deep you couldn’t come close with a hydraulic excavator equipped with space-age sonar.

We still pour over his tweets like anthropologists dusting the bones of a calcified civilization, but the outrage is wearing off. After decades of press pimping and 17 months of campaigning and 2 years into his reign of error, the world is becoming numb to the president’s dumpy trumpy trampy shenanigans.

It becomes routine. Every day — the same damn thing: the White House is discovered to be involved in some dastardly situation. Either there’s proof they did something they swore up and down they didn’t do, or they get caught in an astonishing lie, or somebody says something out loud that would have sunk a previous Administration so deep in a swamp of disgust they’d be found floating upside down like tropical fish after a week of not being fed.

It’s a dance and the Trump Players all know their parts. The Smoky Hokey Pokey. We got ourselves a bad case of the deja voodoos. Here’s how it always plays out:

  • First the Shocking Revelation. Then the hasty denials.
  • Then The New York Times trots out evidence that not only did this happen, but even more egregious stuff went down as well.
  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders says the official White House stance is that it never happened, and even if it did, Barack Obama did way worse.
  • Democrats argue amongst themselves over whether the latest disclosure is an impeachable offense — coming to no conclusion.
  • Mitch McConnell makes turtle noises.
  • Donald Trump says he doesn’t know the guy, can’t remember what happened, everyone besides him is lying and that the revelation bolsters his claim there was “no collusion.”
  • Some Republicans are outraged, then they aren’t, then support the president.
  • The Washington Post needs 3 pages to print a graph that documents this sort of thing happened 18 gazillion times before.
  • Fox News hosts call for more hearings on Benghazi.
  • Some pundit on MSNBC becomes so overwrought a blood vessel in his head bursts on air.
  • Donald Trump’s base laughs and laughs.
  • Rudy Giuliani says he doesn’t believe it happened, and if it did, Hillary Clinton would have done way worse. And she’s a woman.
  • Bernie Sanders supporters say this is further proof that Bernie would have won.
  • The National Enquirer prints a cover photo with Michelle Obama holding a bloody knife in front of what looks to be a pizza parlor.
  • Mike Pence says he doesn’t know anything.
  • Snow falls. Or it doesn’t.

And then the very next day it starts up all over again. This nation is stuck on a roller coaster of spin with a minimum of 2 years before we can get off. Strap on your seat belts extra tight, everybody. It’s going to be a bumpy rest of a first term. Pass the Dramamine please.

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The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says “Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!” Check his website for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will’s books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.


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