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Fake News

The Trump Family Intervention – Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

Trump Family Intervention

With heavy hearts, the Trump kids gathered this week in a secret location for an emergency Trump family intervention — and I just happened to get my hands on the Transcript…

DONALD TRUMP

I love this guys – getting ‘the Will thing’ out of the way.

IVANKA TRUMP

No, daddy – we want you to step down.

DONALD

What do you mean – I will not be Vice President to Pence.

DONALD JR.

No, we want you to go see Dr. Strange at the Institution.

DONALD

Okay, Ivanka – I don’t want to date you.  Maybe when you were 17 – but certainly not now – I’ve got sexy Mahalia.

IVANKA

It’s Melania – and why don’t you show empathy?

DONALD

That’s what women do; men eat steak off the bone.

TIFFANY

No, it’s all over Pop.

DONALD

Et tu, Tiff?

IVANKA

The WikiLeaks?

DONALD

My Urologist has a handle on it.

IVANKA

No, the Putin connection.

DONALD

He loves me & it’s not the Wotka talking.

ERIC

At least admit you’re a narcissist.

DONALD

Who isn’t?  ‘King Donald shall see you now’ – Wow!  Where’s my little boy?

ERIC

You mean Prince?

DONALD

Yeah, the one who doesn’t think I’m a jerk-off yet.

ERIC

Well, guys – at least one of us has Power of Attorney.

DONALD

I don’t think so.

IVANKA

Who?

DONALD

Putin.

IVANKA

You’re kidding.

DONALD

That’s what Putin said.

IVANKA

That’s it – do you want to go quietly or should we take you?

DONALD

Nancy sent you, didn’t she?  What a Pussy – she has one you know.

DONALD JR.

You can’t keep calling people names – being President isn’t like running a Casino.

DONALD

What do you know – Mr. DirtonhillaryIloveit!  Where would you be if I didn’t give you a job?

DONALD JR.

Well, you ruined my life calling me Junior.

DONALD

Is there a camera rolling?

DONALD JR.

You’d like that, wouldn’t you – you big egotistical Butterball!

TIFFANY

Stay on point, guys – I’ve got a date with Jose Hernandez.

IVANKA

What do you say, Pence?

MIKE PENCE

Don’t mind me; I’m just observing.

DONALD

Next week – I’m gonna fire all the Supremes.

ERIC

What did Diana Ross ever do to you?

DONALD

I knew it – you’re the slow one; just like your Mother.  I’m cutting it down to 3 Supreme Court Judges – Vinnie, Tony & Carmine.

DONALD JR.

Now, just slip into this; you’ll like it – it’s made in China.

DONALD

Too many belts & buckles – get it off me!

DONALD JR.

You’re just modeling it – you’re getting paid millions – hold still.

DONALD

Why didn’t you say so.  I’ll start a new line…a sales craze.  Everyone will want one…colors!  Can I still Tweet?

DONALD JR.

Yes, trust me.

DONALD

Junior – you’re a chip off the old block!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80’s Stand-Up Comic who started out in the DC/MD/VA area, moved to the Bay Area in Northern California and now resides in L.A. She has sold jokes to Joan Rivers, lesser lights and gag magazines, and is a screenwriter, playwright and author of non-fiction.

Marilyn Sands

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