Homepage / Fake News / The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Vice President Pence and Vice President Biden
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Fake News

The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Vice President Pence and Vice President Biden

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Vice President Pence and former Vice President Biden.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

Vice President Joe Biden with Vice President-elect Mike PenceJERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today my guests are Vice President Mike Pence and former Vice President Joe Biden.

MIKE PENCE

Good morning. From the Book of Amos. “God will roar from Zion and utter His voice from Jerusalem.”

JOE BIDEN

Wait a second, Pillsbury Doughboy. Are you talking about Famous Amos, the cookie guy?

JERRY

Pence, you’re nuts! I’m sending Stormy Daniels over to your office. She told me you two can pretend you’re Adam and Eve.

BIDEN

“Then the eyes of both were opened and they knew that they were naked.” Genesis 3:7

PENCE

(nervous) Oh my. What will I tell my wife?

JERRY

Tell her a dirty book is rarely dusty.

BIDEN

You’re sure a wise man, Duncan.

JERRY

Big Joe. Is it true you may be running for president in 2020? Most people 76 years old are playing shuffleboard at Leisure World.

BIDEN

Not this guy. I am fighting for the middle class. I want to save the environment, have affordable health care for every American and protect social security and medicare from Republicans out to destroy it.

PENCE

No, no , no. Let’s get to the most important issue. Joe Biden wants to fist fight our president and it will be on pay per view. Orange Crush versus The Gaff Man. My money is on Orange Crush.

BIDEN

You picked the wrong horse, Penster. I’m a winner! It’s funny though. When I discussed the fight with my doctor and told him about my memory loss, he made me pay in advance.

JERRY

Pence. Do you have a role model?

PENCE

Former Vice President Dick Cheney.

JERRY

Unbelievable. The idiot who started the Iraq War under the false premise that Saddam possessed nuclear weapons. The crook who Halliburton paid out $34 million, so he could give the company oil contracts when he became vice president. What do you have to say for yourself?

PENCE

(caught off guard) Aba, aba, aba.

JERRY

Just a small token of Halliburton’s appreciation for no-bid contracts in Iraq.

PENCE

Aba, aba, aba.

An intern rushes into the studio.

INTERN

Mr. Duncan, Mr. Duncan. Bernie Sanders is in the hallway.

JERRY

What does he want, Scrambled Brains?

INTERN

Something about making sure mental health care for Pence is covered under Obamacare.

JERRY

What? Bring him in.

SANDERS

I appreciate this opportunity, Jerry.

JERRY

Speaking of healthcare. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

SANDERS

No. What happened?

JERRY

They couldn’t close his casket.

BIDEN

Hey, Bernie. What do you call a cheap circumcision?

SANDERS

I know my old man used a pliers on me. No clue.

BIDEN

A rip off.

PENCE

I have a joke that I learned in Bible study.

JERRY

Lay it on us, Samson.

PENCE

Why didn’t Noah go fishing?

SANDERS

(interrupts) Because he had only two worms.

PENCE

How did you know the answer?

SANDERS

I was a friend of Noah.

JERRY

Okay, Bernster. You’re here to make sure the Veep gets mental health care treatment.

PENCE

I could have a breakdown if the Stormy Daniels meeting goes through. I have lust in my heart. What am I saying? I don’t even know anymore. Lord help me for I have bad thoughts.

SANDERS

Take it easy, Mike. Here’s your birth certificate.

PENCE

This document is confusing?

SANDERS

That’s because you were born on Mars.

PENCE

Can I still get Obamacare?

BIDEN

No. And you can’t be Vice President anymore. You’re not a naturalized citizen born in the United States. Think about joining a caravan.

JERRY

Bye, Mikey. See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.

Dean Kaner

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