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Fake News

The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Kanye West and Donald Trump

Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews Kanye West and Donald Trump.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

Kanye West and Donald TrumpJERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is President Donald Trump and Hip Hop artist Kanye West.

DONALD TRUMP

Too early, Duncan. I’ve been up all night tweeting nasty things about Hillary Clinton.

KANYE WEST

(rapping) Yo. It’s like eight a.m. I rap when I wake up, want me to stop, can’t say no, I’m the King of Hip Hop.

JERRY

I thought it was Eminem.

KANYE

What about M&M? I’m a Snickers man.

JERRY

You two Nobel Prize winners recently had a meeting in the Oval office to talk about prison reform.

KANYE

I wanna give a shout out to my homies on the south side of Chicago. You all know I love you. Alright, we’ll talk later. Peace!

TRUMP

Isn’t that where bad, bad Leroy Brown lives?

KANYE

Wow! You sure know your Black history. When I wear my Make America Great Again red cap, I feel like Superman. Donald Trump is da man.

TRUMP

As I told Kanye during our meeting. He could very well be a future presidential candidate.

KANYE

I’m in the 98th percentile of my IQ test.

JERRY

Not true. You got a 98 on your IQ test.

TRUMP

That’s an A plus.

JERRY

Out of 162.

TRUMP

Bad. Very bad.

JERRY

Kanye. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

KANYE

I don’t know.

JERRY

So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

TRUMP

Good. Very good.

KANYE

Go ahead, make fun. Just remember that I’m an entrepreneur. Have lots of cabbage.

TRUMP

Oh. Do you like rabbits?

KANYE

I like money, Chief.

KANYE

And I’m happily married to big booty Kim Kardashian.

(rapping) Big, big booty, what you got a big booty. Big, big booty, what you got a big booty.

TRUMP

(dancing) Yo, yo. Keepin it real. Big booty, big booty.

JERRY

Shut up, you idiots.

KANYE

I like the president, because he’s a “bad ass mother”.

TRUMP

I always thought I was a father, but that’s okay. I like the words”bad ass mother”. It sounds like me.

Kim Kardashian walks in the interview.

KANYE

Hi Ball and Chain. Have a seat on daddy’s lap.

Kim sits on Kanye.

KANYE

Geez, you’re crushing my knee caps!

KIM

I’m sorry, honeybun.

TRUMP

You can sit on my lap.

KANYE

What did you just say?

TRUMP

(lies) I asked her if she likes to rap.

KIM

I’ll sit next to Mr. Duncan.

JERRY

So Kim. How’s your father? We haven’t seen much of him lately.

KIM

He’s been dead for 15 years.

JERRY

What was I thinking?

KIM

Maybe my stepmother Bruce Jenner?

JERRY

He’s a she. Right?

KIM

Yes. Her name is Caitlin. I call her Tranny. She calls me Bubble Butt.

TRUMP

Sounds like a fun loving dysfunctional family. And they’re Republicans, folks! Really proud. Really proud.

KIM

Our ratings for Keeping Up with the Kardashians are off the charts.

TRUMP

It’s better than Fox & Friends.That’s how I learn about American families.

KIM

Well, as you may know in the last episode. I was traumatized.

TRUMP

Did one of your sisters date a white guy?

KIM

No. I broke a nail. Cried for days, because The Home Depot was out of krazy glue.

KANYE

(rapping) Gonna hold on to you like krazy glue, I’m gonna hold on to you like krazy glue. No matter what I do, I’m gonna sniff some glue.

Kim, Kanye and Trump start dancing.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

KIM

Get up here and dance, Duncan. You got two left feet?

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.

Dean Kaner

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