Homepage / Fake News / The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un
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Fake News

The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un

Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un.

VLADIMIR PUTIN

Live from under rock in backyard, it’s Jerry Duncanova Show.

Vladimir Putin carrying Donald Trump, image by DonkeyHotey
Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Give me the microphone, you idiot.

PUTIN

Funny. No?

JERRY

No!  Funny is the orange walrus sitting next to you.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. From the Trump Plaza in New York City, my guests are President Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin and Supreme Leader from the hermit kingdom of North Korea Kim Jong-un.

KIM

Very nice be here.

JERRY

Why are you in New York? A UN meeting?

KIM

No, no. Me buy Johnny Rockets franchise. Gonna be call Johnny Rocket Man in North Korea.

TRUMP

Hey. I own the trademark to the name Rocket Man. We need to make a deal.

KIM

No deal. You greedy. Bad man, bad man.

TRUMP

What do you think, Vladdy?

PUTIN

16 years Russian president. Never met man like you. Since I let prostitutes pee on bed in your Moscow hotel room, give Kim name.

TRUMP

Okay, Kimster. Deal.

JERRY

So what did you accomplish at the UN this year?

TRUMP

Absolutely nothing. All the nations are stiffing the U.S. We pay billions of dollars to protect dead beats. Russia wouldn’t invade these countries. Would you, Vladdy?

PUTIN

No invade. I cyber attack.

KIM

Me, too. Cyber attack Sony Pictures, 2014. Seth Rogan insult Kim in film. He not funny.

JERRY

I thought the film was a riot, munchkin.

TRUMP

Cyber, shmyber. Let’s not let a little hacking come between friends.

JERRY

Why are you in New York, President Putin?

PUTIN

Have tickets Kinky Boots.

JERRY

It’s about a drag queen. I don’t think that’s your kind of play.

PUTIN

Oh. I thought Stormy Daniels musical. Want money back. Got screwed.

TRUMP

Nothing wrong with getting screwed. I’ve screwed the government, workers on my properties and the American people.

KIM

Trumpster has loose screw in head. Not be trusted.

JERRY

Dictators are not to be trusted, either. Especially you, Vladdy. We have proof that you hacked the 2016 elections in favor of Trump.

PUTIN

Big lie.

JERRY

12 Russian intelligence officers indicted for hacking, Paul Manafort under indictment for colluding with Russians and Michael Cohen approved of meetings with Russians to get dirt on Hillary Clinton.

KIM

You berry smart fella.

JERRY

And you, Kimster have lied about not testing nuclear weapons. We have proof.

KIM

Old Chinese saying. If you stand on a toilet, you high on pot.

TRUMP

(laughs) That’s a good one!

JERRY

Speaking of laughs. World leaders laughed when you said in your speech at the UN General Assembly that your administration has accomplished more than almost any in US history. The truth is you’re the laughing stock of the world.

TRUMP

Fake news. My crotch was tight. That’s what they were laughing at.

PUTIN

You want me to loosen balls? Operating table in back alley.

JERRY

Hey, Vladdy. Wasn’t Russia friends with North Korea during the cold war?

PUTIN

(sinister smile)

Good buds long time. Russian and North Korean laugh about competition, but Russian laugh more.

KIM

Korean proverb say you no strike smiling face.

TRUMP

What’s with the proverb crap? Just smack him.

KIM

I get country blown up. You nuts!

TRUMP

Gotta plane to catch. Need to stir up some trouble in the White House.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.

Dean Kaner

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