Homepage / Fake News / The Internalized Fantasies of a Queer Latino-American Boy
Passenger Glued To Airplane Window Like It Fucking 1956 Impact Of Global Insect Decline Knicks Confident They Have The Cap Space To Ruin 2 Or 3 Promising Careers Trump Installs Room-Sized Golf Simulator In White House Trump Confirms All Violent Options On The Table In Venezuela These Penguins Hump Corpses Join The Gentleman’s Club | Points in Case Karl Lagerfeld Horrified By Uninspired, Garish Tunnel Of Light Coming Toward Him Death Of Sailor In Iconic VJ-Day Photo Reminds Americans Of Halcyon Days When Wars Still Ended Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 19, 2019 List: More Fun Facts About the Harry Potter Universe, From JK Rowling Taco Hell Rules for a Silicon Valley High School Dance in 2029 Trump Memes: The Ideas Just Keep Presenting Themselves! U. S. Constitution’s Medical Record The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Kellyanne and George Conway Coworkers Agog As Employee Introduces New Shirt Into Rotation U.K. Passes Bill Making ‘Upskirting’ Illegal Archaeology Isn't Sexy Man Always Makes Sure To Put Phone On Silent Before Misplacing It A Viking's Peace Major Strasser of the Third Reich Trashes Rick’s Cafe on Yelp Aunt Scores Big With Nephews By Dropping Bombshell Story About Mom Smoking Weed As Teenager ‘Aquaman 2’ Announced The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 18, 2019 List: New Tracks Dropped By Kremlin-Approved Rappers Things That Used to Be Fun in High School, But Aren’t Anymore Saudis Revoke Ladies’ Right to Drive after Woman Cited for Illegal Turn Bring Unto Me Now This Kingly Delight! When It Comes to Waiting, I’m a Natural Female Brains More Youthful Than Male Ones An Open Apology From Fred Durst, Who Did Not Mean to Do it All for The Nookie Yosemite Expands Lodging Accommodations With New Log Cabin High-Rises Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Criticized For Preventing 25,000 New York Evictions Chinese Man Worried You Can’t Have Respectful Debate About How Amazing Government Is Anymore Climatologists Find Pitchers And Catchers Reporting Further South Every Spring Mass Invasion Of Polar Bear Forces Russian Islands To Declare Emergency Trump Base Celebrates President For Standing Up To Constitution Trump Offers Clear, Historical Precedent For Deploying U.S. Military With No Provocation Just Pretend It's a Laser Ann Coulter Attacks Trump For Cowardly Backing Down From Full On Race War Meet Cute with a Ghost Beached Whale Trying To Hold On Until Sea Levels Rise What the Fuck is Wrong With You? Chef Justice Luigi Vespucci Issues Spicy Dissent On Puttanesca V. Arrabiata Tumor-Covered Chester Cheetah Apologizes For Role In Marketing Dangerously Cheesy Cheetos To Children Pros And Cons Of Salary Transparency List: What Your Sign Says About the Bear That’s Going to Eat You NYPD Deploys New Line Of Plain Clothes Cop Cars Warnings about My Small Town from a Local Intellectual Congress Reaches Tentative Deal For Border Security Deal Man Hoping Girlfriend Doesn’t Notice Valentine’s Day Gift Came From Gas Station Man Worried Experiences Of Cancun Trip Far Too Complex To Be Conveyed Through Single Keychain Sighing Banksy Methodically Kills Another Few Kids Who Stumbled Upon Him Doing Graffiti Meals On Wheels Volunteers Deliver Body Chocolate, Edible Underwear To Seniors Shut In On Valentine’s Day ‘Wait, Mr. Bezos, You Forgot Your Tax Subsidy!’ Says Andrew Cuomo Running Behind Limo Nation Celebrates Valentine’s Day Elliott Abrams Defends War Crimes As Happening Back In The ’80s When Everyone Was Doing It Annoying YouTube Algorithm Not Letting Man Forget Single Time He Watched 14 Hours Straight Of Hitler Speeches El Chapo Given Life Sentence Leeches, Exes, and Loans [Full Episode] I Was Going to Do Dry January But Then I Was Kidnapped by a Band of Pirates Boss Makes Lipstick Prints On Paychecks For Valentine’s Day Maybelline Announces It Will Stop Testing New Products On Unsuspecting Customers In The Middle Of The Night This Actually Good News, Contractor Reveals, Because Now You Know The Real Problem List: 10 Male Variants of “Resting Bitch Face” Tips For Enjoying Valentine’s Day If You’re Single Woman Wakes Husband Up On Valentine’s Day With Hot Surprise Blowtorch The Galentine’s Day Massacre | Points in Case ‘Deep State’? Or Is It More Likely a ‘Deep Oligarchy’? The State of the Union Aftermath A Bountiful Harvest Takes Work Authorities Swiftly Announce 1,600 Washington Dairy Cows Found Mutilated, Arranged In Pentagram Killed By Blizzard Spacecraft Travel From All Over Galaxy To Honor End Of Opportunity Rover’s Life Timeline Of Artificial Intelligence Sensei’s Assistant Really Getting His Ass Whipped Free to a Good Home: Adorable Dog, Absolutely Nothing Wrong with Him (Eats Dogs) Suicide Rates Falling Worldwide ‘National Geographic’ Increases Ideological Diversity By Hiring First Anti-Tree-Frog Writer List: Updated NASCAR Rules Explained Never Thought I’d Say This, But I, John Wick, Would Like More Gun Control Falling Suicide Rates Leave Researchers Baffled Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 12, 2019 Heart On Vaccinations Soar By 500% In Measles Outbreak County Nation Horrified To Discover Cory Booker Already A Senator Plummeting Insect Numbers Could Cause Collapse Of Ecosystems Trump Invites Supporter, BBC Cameraman To Finish Altercation At White House Congress Agrees To $1.3 Billion For Protective Border Fencers Angry, Ranting Twitter User Really Needs To Move Out Of Parents’ Basement Where the Hell are All the Snowmen? 5 Things To Know About Amy Klobuchar Rock, Paper, Stabbing Contest Parasitic Space Worm Controlling Mark Kelly’s Body Announces Arizona Senate Bid Ultrasound Technician Asks Pregnant Woman If She’d Like To Know Baby’s Name Character Witness Told He Doesn’t Have What It Takes To Be Star Witness Why People Are Fascinated By True Crime Stories Things @fuckjerry Stole From Me Get the New Khloe Kardashian Look for Just 250K! It’s About Time – fancy pants , Humor Times

Fake News

The Internalized Fantasies of a Queer Latino-American Boy




Pride is exactly the riot-co-opted-into-crusty-gyrating-hypersexual-jizz-party I thought it would be. I’m not surprised; in the twenty minutes I’ve been here, two guys have told me they’re looking for a sugar baby, and another shows me pictures from his collection of rimming stools. There are a stunning number of white men in blue uniforms—I check my pockets for stray Mentos.

The fourth guy who hits on me is handsome in a Ted Bundy type of way. He tells me he only fucks Latin boys like me due to their having the juiciest asses, and I point out that it’s racist to fetishize people of color. I give him a copy of This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color, and tell him to email me if he has any questions.

A shirtless guy in a Speedo and suspenders approaches me. “Hey, I saw the way he talked to you; here.” He does some weird flex thing with his stomach and gives me a handful of cash. Another guy in a Speedo comes with money. And then another. And then another. Soon I am surrounded.

Later, the bank teller takes a look at the crowd of hot, nearly naked men behind me. “Checking or Savings?” My account balance collapses under the sheer weight of all the zeros it now has.

*  *  *

I meet a guy online. We get to know each other and ask our basic interests. When he says he likes being called Daddy, and I mention I like phone sex, we compromise.

“My ancestors were responsible for the colonizing of your people’s land, culture, resources, and bodily sovereignty,” he says.

A soft blush spills across my cheeks. “That’s hot, Daddy,” I purr. “What else?”

“Racism is a systemic form of oppression based on skin color and other basic phenotypic traits,” he grunts. “Because of these superficial characteristics, my white skin means I benefit from the subjugation and dehumanization of people of color.” I moan, and shift to hide my excitement.

He says, “I promise to always do my part in dismantling white supremacy.”

I’m so close. “Oh fuck yeah, gimme that big white allyship.”

“Amy Schumer isn’t funny.”

“OH GOD!” I come like I haven’t in years.

*  *  *

Lately, straight men have taken to apologizing to me for the awful things they said to me in high school. I tell each of them that if my older brother has avoided calling me a faggot my entire life, they could have too, and that I do not accept their apologies. Instead of being defensive, they respect my feelings and apologize again. They do not, however, take out the half-wilted flowers from their hair and start showing basic respect to women who aren’t conventionally attractive. Apparently, even that is too much for their newly woke and radically redefined masculinity.

*  *  *

A guy tells me I’m cute and asks for permission to send a dick pic. I do not thank him for the display of human decency and allow him to. When I tell him I’m not that interested, he does not accuse me of leading him on. He does not call me a bitch, or a tease. Instead, we talk about our shared interest in Kesha and cat memes and eventually become good friends on Facebook.

*  *  *

“Can you send a picture without a filter on it? Not because I prefer boys who are natural, I just think filters on social media platforms like Snapchat and Instagram tend to reinforce Eurocentric standards of beauty.”

*  *  *

“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”

*  *  *

Ted from Pride emails me $25 via PayPal. “Not because I believe it excuses me from my white privilege,” he says. “But because those essays really made me interrogate my indoctrinated sense of superiority as a white man and a masc top. Also, those online articles were helpful, too—I didn’t consider that stupid is ableist and you deserve nice things.”

*  *  *

After my Feminist Foundations class ends, I spy a white man with a cup of coffee on his way to class. My ancestors rise through my throat and laugh with me when some of it sloshes onto his hand and he winces in obvious pain. It feels like reparations.

*  *  *

The guy who likes being called Daddy and I meet up to discuss personal boundaries. He wants to be humiliated and spanked. We fool around for a bit; then I put him on all fours. “You promise to be a good little top and respect trans and nonbinary people’s pronouns?” I whack his pasty, undercooked pancakes.

He groans. “I promise.”

“Are you gonna fight for the reproductive rights of people assigned female at birth and vote for political candidates that aim to protect those rights?” My handprint looks pretty against his skin.

“Yes,” he yelps.

“Good.” I tug on his flimsy egg bag. “When is the Black Lives Matter march happening on campus this week?”

“Friday at 6:30, outside the student union!”

I start whaling on his ass, my voice measured and even. “Say the rest of it. Now.”

“TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN AND BOTH GENDER AND SEX ARE INHERENTLY SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED CONCEPTS!” Another spank. “THERE WOULD BE NO LGBT MOVEMENT WITHOUT THE WORK OF BLACK AND BROWN TRANS WOMEN!” Another. “ROLAND EMMERICH’S STONEWALL IS A WHITEWASHED ACCOUNT OF THAT WORK!” Three swats in rapid succession. “BRINGING UP MARSHA P. JOHNSON WITHOUT MENTIONING THE FACT SHE WAS BOTH A SEX WORKER AND BISEXUAL IS INCREDIBLY PROBLEMATIC!” One more for good measure. “TERFs AND SWERFs ARE NOT FEMINISTS NOR SHOULD THEY BE TREATED AS SUCH!”

I smile, and the long-dead corpses of European colonizers turn over in their forgotten graves.

jQuery(document).ready(function(t){function o(t,o,e){if(e){var a=new Date;a.setTime(a.getTime()+24*e*60*60*1e3);var i=”; expires=”+a.toGMTString()}else i=””;document.cookie=t+”=”+o+i+”; path=/”}t(document).on(“click”,”.yuzo_pro .relatedthumb, .yuzo_pro_w .relatedthumb”,function(e){if(e.preventDefault(),t(this).attr(“data-href”))var a=t(this).attr(“data-href”);else{var i=t(this);k=1;do{i=i.parent(),k++}while(!i.attr(“data-href”)&&k<10);a=t(this).attr("data-href")}var r=t(this).attr("target"),n=t(this).attr("data-id");o("yuzoclick_"+n,n+"|"+t(this).attr("data-ip"),.1),r?window.open(a):window.location.href=a}),function(){var e=function(t){var o=("; "+document.cookie).split("; "+t+"=");if(2==o.length)return o.pop().split(";").shift()}("yuzoclick_"+yuzo_js.post_id);if(e){var a=e.split("|");e=a[0];var i=a[1];e&&(o("yuzoclick_"+e,"",-1),t.ajax({url:yuzo_js.ajaxur,data:{action:"action_click",nonce:yuzo_js.nonce,post_id:e,ip:i},success:function(t){console.log(t)},type:"POST"}).fail(function(t,o,e){console.log(t),console.log("yuzo: Error count clicks:"+t+" textStatus:"+o+" errorThrown:"+e)}))}}()});




Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish