The Mummy, Tom Cruise’s 2017 horror flick, had faux endings that just kept piling on top of one another.
The Tom Cruise horror flick, The Mummy, has a long, laborious ending. When you’re watching, it seems that the movie has just ended on some ponderous pronouncement by Russell Crow, only to have it continue through some lumbering speechifying by Annabelle Wallis.
Here is the actual dialog (from Russell/Henry and Annabelle/Jenny) from what felt like the last 30 minutes of the movie – but was really just the last three – and what lesson it seemed the writers wanted us to reach… until a new monologue began and the movie meandered on.
Jenny: You were wrong about Nick [Tom Cruise character]. He gave his life to save me.
Lesson: Let’s shed a tear for Nick, a terrific self-sacrificing guy, despite appearing like an asshole through much of the movie.
Jenny: To bring me back.
Lesson: Even better. He didn’t just give his life (though not in the traditional sense); but he went the extra mile to do it. Bravo, Nick. [Time to head home.]
Henry: Yes, Jennifer, he found his redemption. But at great cost. He’s a monster now.
Lesson: Lest we think Nick’s terrific-ness was simply his bringing Jenny back, we should appreciate that – even more terrifically – he had to become a monster to do it. Let’s bow our heads in recognition of Nick … once human, now monster. [Homeward bound?]
Jenny: He is also still a man. A good man.
Lesson: Hmm, so not just a monster: he’s also a good man. Does this mean we should think less of Nick’s sacrifice – he didn’t have to become fully a monster, but was able to retain some of his manhood – or more of his sacrifice – because, despite having to become a monster to accomplish Jenny’s revival, he was able to resist becoming a full monster (Freddy Krueger or Michael Myers) and we know how much effort it takes to be a mensch. [Anyway, can we go now, can we go?]
Henry: Perhaps. Yet he has only begun to discover his power. And we cannot know which side will win out. Between darkness and light, good or evil … [scene change to Nick in the desert] [OVER at last?] [Henry’s voice-over, so no, not over] …Whatever human part of him remains will search the world over for a way to break the curse, to find a cure. Yet evil never rests. And it will call to him…
Lesson: Ah, new theme: evil has insomnia and a phone plan with unlimited minutes.
Henry: … Always.
Lesson: Evil will call, not just like an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, but more like your mother: relentless, demanding, cruel…
Jenny: He used his power to stop Ahmanet. You know more than anyone, he could be our greatest ally.
Lesson: True, he is both human and demon. But he can be a great ally, like the U.S. to the U.K. in WWII, but without Lend Lease or seeking repayment… Or … maybe not?
Henry: Perhaps. Sometimes it does take a monster to fight a monster.
I smell sequel.
Howard Zaharoff reads (a lot), writes (mostly humor), teaches (occasionally) and practices law (doesn’t everyone?). He is the author of “Stump Your Lawyer!” (Chronicle 2007), and his work has appeared in The Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Amazing Stories, Computerworld, The Journal of Irreproducible Results, The Annals of Improbable Research and the books Growing Up Jewish (Penguin 1987) and Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and Further Improbabilities) (Workman 1993), among other places.