Homepage / Fake News / The 8 Types of Waiters You'll Have In Your Lifetime
Greatest Factor In Employee Retention Boss Sending Out End-Of-Year Note Titled ‘Thanks Team’ List: Excerpts from the Support Group for Teachers Who Have Eaten Elmer’s Glue Supreme Court Will Not Hear Case On Defunding Planned Parenthood Indoctrinate-TED Parking a Giant Robot is Hard Department Of Interior To Control Rising Mole Population By Releasing Mallets Into National Parks Red Cross Issues Reminder They Can’t Accept Donations From People With Loose Blood Cupped In Hands Most Notorious Criminals In U.S. History I Am Urging You to Urge Others to Push for Climate Change Action NRA Clarifies Mission, Changes Name To National Russia Association Innocuous Thing You Did In Public Prompts Inside Joke That Bonds Group Of Teens For Life The Origins Of Popular Christmas Songs Long Lost “A Christmas Carol” Remake Starring Worst Actors Ever Discovered in Storage Facility Kleenex To Release Special Facial Product For Democrats: “Pity Me Tissues” Theresa May Narrowly Manages To Survive Parliamentary Firing Squad New Smithsonian Exhibit Honors Thousands Of Pets Who Joined Workforce After Owners Left To Fight In World War II CNN Opens Up 24-Hour Anonymous Tip Line For Anyone With Synonyms For ‘Mueller Closing In’ Trump Ex-Lawyer Michael Cohen Given 36 Months In Prison Nation Finally Ready To Look At More Sidewalk Drawings That Look Like Big Holes But Are Actually Just Flat My Boyfriend Wants To Go On a "Gaycation" (Love Advice) Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame Rescinds Nomination After Discovering The Cure Was Voted In As Cruel Prank By Popular Kids Warhammer & The Weasleys Donald Trump’s Criterion Top 10 Mortician Always Keeps Hammer At Tableside Just In Case One Comes Back To Life U.S. Military Honors Sacrifices Of NFL Players By Wearing Jerseys Throughout December Theresa May Delays Vote On Brexit Deal System For Telling Clean Clothes From Dirty Falls Apart By Second Day Of Trip Ayatollah Upset Notre Dame Made NCAA Playoff Instead of UCF Jackets to Buy This Winter Instead of Having a Personality “Lawyers, Guns and Money” Playing Repeatedly In West Wing At High Volume U.S. Coal Consumption Drops To Lowest Level In 40 Years ‘Oh, Was I Not Enough For You?’ Amazon Echo Asks Couple Bringing New Baby Home Delta Plane Jettisons Dozens Of Comfort Animals Midflight Following Policy Changes Orrin Hatch Delivers Farewell Address From Coffin Descending Into Plot Dug In Middle Of Senate Floor Pros And Cons Of Seeking Out Uncontacted Peoples Time Awards Person Of The Year To Targeted Journalists Including Jamal Khashoggi Machiavelli’s Job Application Campbell’s Unveils New Tomato Soup Humidifier The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Senator Chuck Grassley Michael Cohen Granted Prison Work Release For New Job With Trump 2020 Campaign Eve of Impeachment: A Song Parody Michael Cohen Completes First Stage Of Intricate Plan To Break Incarcerated Brother Out Of Prison From Inside French President Sarkozy Took Million From Gaddafi, Does a Contribution to Obama Explain Benghazi My Girlfriend Has a Dildo From Her Ex-Boyfriend (Love Advice) New York Family Man Latest Victim Of Nation’s Misguided War On Tax Evasion, Perjury, Campaign Finance Violations Bicoastal Time Zone Lesson‬ The Joy of Painting Advanced Weapons Systems Thousands Of Drunk Revelers Dressed As Jesus Descend On Vatican For Annual ChristCon Pub Crawl Every Person In High-End Singapore Casino Either Carrying Out Or Target Of Assassination Frat Nutritionists Dare Americans To Swallow More Live Goldfish Study Finds Average American Gets Most Physical Exertion Waving Cell Phone Around To Get Signal We Were Young and in Love and it was Nuclear Winter Power Harassment Indifference: Income Inequality for Women Persists 2018 Top 10 Comedic News Stories White House Holiday Decorations Through History Trump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’ Trump Claims Substantial Portions Of The U.S.-Mexico Laser Forcefield Have Already Been Built Jonesing Nation Demands Trump Tell Them Where, Exactly, Drugs Are Pouring Into Country Satanic Statue On Display In Illinois Capitol Building For Holidays Soldier Back Home From Serving At Mexico Border Still Having Nightmares About Being Used As Political Prop How To Spot Red Flags With My Married Dom? (Love Advice) Google Translation for Work-Appropriate Self-Evaluations Local Clan Attempts To Intimidate Rivals With Aggressive Display Of Fertility See Plum Run: Official Music Video Authoritarian Secretary Of Transportation Declares She Has Ultimate Right Of Way In Every Traffic Scenario Bertolli Packaging Promises Empty Ravioli Floating In Filling-Saturated Water In Just 5 Minutes Court Filings Suggest Trump Illegally Directed Hush Money Payments Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 11, 2018 Mosquitos: The Best Support System You Never Knew You Had ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Now Just Hoping George R.R. Martin Dies Soon So Estate Can Release Whatever He’s Already Written Those Sensors That Flush Public Toilets Were Also Cameras This Whole Time John Kelly Resigns In Last-Ditch Effort To Save His And Trump’s Friendship John Kelly Out As Chief Of Staff MLB Hoping To Boost Attendance At League Meetings With ‘Star Wars’ Night 5 Reasons Why the Donner Party was Better Than Your Birthday Party Woman Trying To Wean Self Off Coffee By Switching To Long Island Iced Tea I Tricked My Girlfriend Into Dating Me For a Bet (Love Advice) White House Ficus To Leave For Virginia Arboretum After Declining Trump’s Offer To Be Chief Of Staff A Dirty Cop's Worst Nightmare At Disney, We Live Every Day In Terror That You’ll Turn On Superhero Movies Flakes On A Plain 5G Phones Coming Petting Zoo All Goats 10 Fun Ways to Market a House Without a Garage The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 10, 2018 Nixon’s Waterloo… My American Scandal I Am Not Like All the Rest: Funny Lines from Online Dating Profiles The Trumpanos: A New HBO Series Cap’n Crunch and Tony the Tiger Are Still Fighting About the National Anthem Kneelings and It’s Ruining My Mornings Lame Time Traveler Arrives to Warn Nation Against Electing Trump POTUS Wes Anderson Begins Filming Next Film In France A Funeral Director’s Guide on How Best to Die Dating By Invitation Only GPS Lite: The Navigation System That Doesn’t Know Where You’re Going Must Really Suck Being A Democrat These Days Help! I’m the Cialis Guy and I’m Trapped in an Eli Roth Film Fourth Verse Of Christmas Carol Gets Super Religious Tumblr To Ban All Adult Content The Swimsuit Issue L.A. Adds Lanes For Cyclists To Recover From Getting Hit By Cars

Fake News

The 8 Types of Waiters You’ll Have In Your Lifetime


1. The Disappearing Act

undefined

The Disappearing Act greets you at the beginning of your meal and takes your orders, but beyond that you don’t really see them all that much. You look for them, but you just can’t seem to find them in the crowd. As your water cup dries out, you find yourself repeating the phrase “Is that our waiter” because you genuinely don’t know. The memory of their face is a shadow lost to time. You start to think that every person who walks by might be them, but they almost never are. The identity of your server is a mystery that might never be solved. You hope it is, though, because you’re thirsty and you want a refill.

2. The Overzealous Hoverer

undefined

On the other end of attentiveness is the Overzealous Hoverer. They clearly want to make sure that your every need is met, but…well they’re overdoing it. They never seem to be more than a foot away from your table at all times and they’ve interrupted you twice to ask you if you need anything else. Their intentions are pure but, by the end of your meal, you end up talking to the waiter more than the people you’re eating with and that wasn’t really what you had in mind when you decided to eat out. 

3. The Terrifying One

undefined

You’re not sure why, but you’re incredibly scared of this one. They’re not mean, perse. Just something about their energy that makes you scared to ask for a refill on your bread basket. Their job is technically to serve you, but it’s clear that the waiter is in charge on this one. You don’t wanna do anything that might get you on this person’s bad side.  

4. The Newbie

undefined

It’s pretty clear that this person hasn’t been a waiter for very long, but the way they’re acting it almost feels like they haven’t been human for very long either. They REALLY don’t know what you’re doing. You try your best to be understanding but at a certain point it starts to bug you just a little bit. You’d never say this, of course, but you feel just the slightest bit ripped off. I mean, you’re basically paying to help someone with their job training. 

5. The Fucking Pro

undefined

Unlike The Newbie, this person knows what the fuck they’re doing. Everything about them is on point. They get your order down to the smallest detail and don’t even need to write it down. They field every strange request you have without blinking an eye and even manage to predict certain things before you even say them. Hell, even their shirt is tucked in well in a way that you didn’t know was possible. Waiting tables is possible and when someone is THIS good at it, it’s important they get their due.  

6. The Oversharer

undefined

Establishing a relationship with the customer is very important but this waiter takes it to a whole new level. By the time they take your order, you already know their name, how many hours they’ve worked that day, what the other customers they had today were like, and their mother’s maiden name. It’s nothing against them really, but talking to strangers is always a chore. You smile along politely and nod with every word they say, but secretly you wish you could just get your food and be done with it.  

7. The Baby

undefined

The Baby can be good or bad. They can be nice or mean. They can encompass any of the other types of waiters on this list. What really sets the baby apart is just how noticeably young they are. Your whole life, waiters have been adults compared to you, but now this one comes along and they make you feel like you have one foot in the grave. Getting served by The Baby is a rude reminder that you’re not as young as you think you are. 

8. The Charmer

undefined

The Charmer is, for lack of a better word, perfect. Everything about them makes you love them. They talk, but not too much. They are funny without being overbearing. They remember your name and make you feel special when they say it. You really think that you could hang out with this person, until your check comes and you remember that they’re clearly just doing their job though. It’s a shame though, under different circumstances it could have been the start of a beautiful friendship. 

 






Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish