1. The Disappearing Act
The Disappearing Act greets you at the beginning of your meal and takes your orders, but beyond that you don’t really see them all that much. You look for them, but you just can’t seem to find them in the crowd. As your water cup dries out, you find yourself repeating the phrase “Is that our waiter” because you genuinely don’t know. The memory of their face is a shadow lost to time. You start to think that every person who walks by might be them, but they almost never are. The identity of your server is a mystery that might never be solved. You hope it is, though, because you’re thirsty and you want a refill.
2. The Overzealous Hoverer
On the other end of attentiveness is the Overzealous Hoverer. They clearly want to make sure that your every need is met, but…well they’re overdoing it. They never seem to be more than a foot away from your table at all times and they’ve interrupted you twice to ask you if you need anything else. Their intentions are pure but, by the end of your meal, you end up talking to the waiter more than the people you’re eating with and that wasn’t really what you had in mind when you decided to eat out.
3. The Terrifying One
You’re not sure why, but you’re incredibly scared of this one. They’re not mean, perse. Just something about their energy that makes you scared to ask for a refill on your bread basket. Their job is technically to serve you, but it’s clear that the waiter is in charge on this one. You don’t wanna do anything that might get you on this person’s bad side.
4. The Newbie
It’s pretty clear that this person hasn’t been a waiter for very long, but the way they’re acting it almost feels like they haven’t been human for very long either. They REALLY don’t know what you’re doing. You try your best to be understanding but at a certain point it starts to bug you just a little bit. You’d never say this, of course, but you feel just the slightest bit ripped off. I mean, you’re basically paying to help someone with their job training.
5. The Fucking Pro
Unlike The Newbie, this person knows what the fuck they’re doing. Everything about them is on point. They get your order down to the smallest detail and don’t even need to write it down. They field every strange request you have without blinking an eye and even manage to predict certain things before you even say them. Hell, even their shirt is tucked in well in a way that you didn’t know was possible. Waiting tables is possible and when someone is THIS good at it, it’s important they get their due.
6. The Oversharer
Establishing a relationship with the customer is very important but this waiter takes it to a whole new level. By the time they take your order, you already know their name, how many hours they’ve worked that day, what the other customers they had today were like, and their mother’s maiden name. It’s nothing against them really, but talking to strangers is always a chore. You smile along politely and nod with every word they say, but secretly you wish you could just get your food and be done with it.
7. The Baby
The Baby can be good or bad. They can be nice or mean. They can encompass any of the other types of waiters on this list. What really sets the baby apart is just how noticeably young they are. Your whole life, waiters have been adults compared to you, but now this one comes along and they make you feel like you have one foot in the grave. Getting served by The Baby is a rude reminder that you’re not as young as you think you are.
8. The Charmer
The Charmer is, for lack of a better word, perfect. Everything about them makes you love them. They talk, but not too much. They are funny without being overbearing. They remember your name and make you feel special when they say it. You really think that you could hang out with this person, until your check comes and you remember that they’re clearly just doing their job though. It’s a shame though, under different circumstances it could have been the start of a beautiful friendship.