Homepage / Fake News / The 8 Types of People You'll See at a Dive Bar
Trump Renews Call to Promote Mentally Ill A Comedian Made a Joke About the Holocaust, and Now I Feel Unsafe Someone Broke Into Our Hulu Account An Ode to the Five Pairs of Shoes Who’ve Been With Me Through Everything ‘Oh God, What Happened Last Night?’ Says Groggy Mike Pence After Waking Up In Same Bed As Wife Doubles Luge to Add More Men to Sled for next Games FBI Quickly Follows Up On Tip About Potentially Dangerous Man Who Killed 17 In School Shooting The Self-Applauding President… but Will He Go Blind? Uphill Skiing Competition Enters 6th Day Trump, Truth and the Lantern of Dreams Cute New Dog Helping Single Man Pick Up Tons Of Hot Shit The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews White House Advisor Stephen Miller Male Dogs Twice As Likely To Win At Westminster Dog Show Nation Hears Voices Encouraging It To Buy Gun What It's Like Being An Adult Getting a Credit Card For the First Time Raytheon Unveils Military Robot Capable Of Composing Poignant Poems About Horrors Of War The 6 Stages of Watching an Olympic Sport Episode 3: Calloway Day If Movies Had Honest Titles (February 2018 Edition) Archaeologists Unearth Ivory Trumpet Dating Back To Prehistoric Jazz Age Man Looking For Job That Plays To His Natural Talent For Half-Assing Things Man Hates It When Trailer Gives Away Entire Premise Of Movie Hi, I'm Paul Ryan, And I'm Pretty Much an Ogre At This Point North Korea Linked To Upsurge In UK Cycling @TwitterSupport Your Platform Won’t Allow Me to Unfollow the American President In Exclusive Interview “World’s Most Interesting Man” Endorses SatireWorld New York City Pizzerias Rated by How Good They Are for Hiding from Your Ex-Wife Trying to Collect Her Alimony Check 3 Years After the Breakup, I Finally Stopped Drunk Texting My Ex’s Mom, Pam I Used A Robot To Write A Comic And It Got Very Weird The Cherry Pickers | HumorFeed New School Shooter Drill Includes Practicing Pleas To Lawmakers To Do Something About This Under New Budget The Department Of Housing And Urban Development (HUD) Is Now Just UD ‘Sports Illustrated’ Publishes First Swimsuit Issue Of #MeToo Movement Long-term couple say Valentine’s Day was ‘nothing special’ But I’m Oppressed! (SPOILER: No You’re Not!) (2/4) Tips For Treating A Bed Bug Infestation Veteran Congressman Can Still Remember When Inaction On Gun Violence Actually Presented A Moral Dilemma Thousands Of Dismembered Crash Test Dummies Line Newly Discovered Catacombs Beneath Ford Motor Plant Bad Polling Is Ruining Everything Woman In Commercial Doing Yoga To Narration Of Drug's Fatal Side Effects I’m Sick and Tired of Congress Politicizing Tragedies Like the One I’m About to Perpetrate John Kelly Apologizes For Assuming Everyone Would Ignore Abuse Allegations Like They Do In Military Stop Telling Kids How Easy They Have It White House Compare Potential Food Stamps Replacement Program To ‘Blue Apron’ Trump Surprises Melania With A Romantic Dinner For One Relationship Experts Say Mailing Body Part To Ex On Valentine’s Day Only Way To Win Them Back Donald Trump Spends Another Valentine's Day Completely Alone Lone, Weak Bystander Targeted By Pack Of Female Friends Who Want Their Picture Taken Chloe Kim Recalls Growing Up Under Parents' Intense Pressure To Just Chillax And Shred The Gnar Gnar An Olympian’s Guide to Having Sex with Athletes Living Under Various Forms of Government PetSmart Introduces Heart-Shaped Puppy For Valentine’s Day Stan Lee’s Cameo in My Life as My Dad Has Officially Gone From “Kind of Endearing” to “Where is the Film Crew Hiding?” 89% Of Husbands Planning To Surprise Wife On Valentine’s Day By Dressing As Naked, Chubby Cherub Funniest Poker Moments – Humor Times, Humor Times ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens The South is Rising Again ‘Peter Rabbit’ Film Criticized For Making Light Of Allergies The Cherry Pickers – Will Durst, Humor Times Shuddering Astrid Menks Comes Home To Trail Of Rose Petals Leading To Nude, Spread-Eagle Warren Buffett Schnauzers Rioting Outside Madison Square Garden Following Westminster Dog Show Defeat Snowy Mountain In Pyeongchang Figures It Can Withstand 1 Or 2 More Big Cheers Before Triggering Avalanche What All 17 Year Olds Who Aren’t Winning Olympic Golds Are Doing Teddy Bear Feels Terrible For Sparking ‘What Are We?’ Conversation Man Who Forgot To Buy Valentine's Day Gift Relieved To Remember Wife Passed Away Years Ago Hentai Message Board Features Surprisingly Close-Knit, Supportive Community Emily & Murph Wrote A Book About Relationships, Love, and Other Junk Obamas’ Presidential Portrait Revealed Five Moves the Trump Administration Should Have Made at the NBA Trade Deadline Rand Paul Beaten by Other Neighbor The Sunny Side Of The Street Trump Announces Plan To Replace Food Stamps With New Low-Income Foraging Program (satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts……..according to Nopes! #144 White House Now Just Holding Continuous Going-Away Party For Departing Staffers There Is No P.F. Chang’s In PyeongChang | Adobo Chronicles Congress Confused By $500 Million In Trump’s Budget Allocated For ‘Laser Stuff’ John Kelly Takes Responsibility For Failing To Properly Silence Victims Americans Gear Up For Valentine’s Day Ra Wins Westminster God Show Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 13, 2018 You're All a Bunch of Phone Zombies Timeline Of The U.S. Labor Movement Texas Schools To No Longer Teach Students About Autoerotic Asphyxiation L.L. Bean Ends Iconic Lifetime Return Policy Eddie Bauer Announces New Line Of Brown Clothes Gwyneth Paltrow’s Valentine’s Day Essentials Please Reconsider Me for the Role of “7-Eleven Cashier #1” Detective Refuses To Pry Into Circumstances Of Murder Out Of Respect For Deceased Report: Whoa, Last Person On Treadmill Ran 8 Miles Olympic Drug Testing Official Left Horribly Disfigured After Coming Into Contact With Russian Urine Living On Campus vs. Living Off Campus Episode 2: What I Know And What I Don’t Know Yet Woody Allen’s Greatest Victims: Guys Who Can No Longer Say “Annie Hall” Is Their Favorite Romantic Comedy Cities Move To Outlaw Hollow-Point Silver Bullets After Wave Of Gruesome Werewolf Slayings Bannon: #MeToo Movement Could Spell End For Trump Throckmorton P. Trudblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column” | You make the news…We report it! Nation Praying For Super Nasty Luge Accident Study Finds Cats Only Meow When They Want To Alert Owner Of Neighbor’s Murder They Witnessed Through Window The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 12, 2018 Italian Grandmother Doesn’t Have Heart To Tell Family Any Dipshit Can Make Lasagna Quentin Tarantino Calls Uma Thurman Accident Biggest Regret Of His Life

Fake News

The 8 Types of People You’ll See at a Dive Bar

Buy the Wine Cloud T-Shirt at Awkward T-shirts
dab on them haters t-shirt
I Believe in ReinCATnation T-Shirt Amazon.com
Funny Books Reading T-Shirt Amazon.com
Funny Breaking News T-Shirt Amazon.com

1. The Social Regulars

A good dive bar may not be the classiest place in the world, but among its dark interiors and  smudged glasses, it usually manages to find itself a loyal group of regulars. And when I say loyal, I mean LOYAL. They’re so comfortable here that it takes you awhile to realize that they’re not on the job. The bartenders and them are best friends to the point that you can’t tell if they went to the bar to hang out with them or if they just developed a relationship over their shared love of alcohol. In either case, you like these guys. They greet you when you walk in the door, they tell you what’s good to order and…hey, wait a second. Did that guy just serve himself a drink? That can’t be right. 

2. The Silent Regulars

These guys are also here all the time but you’ve never once heard them talk….like at all. They just sit in their usually spot and have a silent drink or two before bouncing. You find them perplexing. If they’re not coming here for the company then that just leaves the atmosphere, and the atmosphere is not the big draw of this bar. Why didn’t they just stay home and drink alone with the lights off? It would have been the same basic activity for a lot less money.   

3. The Loud Newcomers

You didn’t realize that this place had a vibe, but that was before these jerks came in and shot the vibe to hell. They play all the wrong music, talk at all the wrong decibels and walk around like they own the place. You have no idea what they’re doing here, but you want them to leave immediately. The only upside to these screeching lunatics is the feeling of hatred you can sense being shared between you and the other patrons. It’s called unity, and it feels nice, even if you have to put up with these assholes to get it.

4. The Ones Who Are Clearly Underaged

You remember when you were their age, but that doesn’t make them any less annoying. They clearly came to this bar because they couldn’t get into other ones and their very presence makes you uncomfortable. You didn’t think you were that much older than underaged, but if this is what underaged looks like, you were clearly mistaken. You feel weird seeing kids like that with a beer, but you also don’t want to be a narc, so you try to ignore the situation as best you can. It’s the oldest you’ve ever felt. 

5. The Ironic Patrons

“O-M-G! This place is sooooooo cute!” That’s what it seems like these people are saying with every word they speak. They seem to be operating under the assumption that this is not an actual dive bar, but rather a dive bar themed amusement park ride. You’re glad that they’re having fun but they don’t have to be a dick to do it. This bar is, after all, someone’s livelihood. 

6. The Out of Place Snobs

They accompanied their friend to this establishment and by the way they’re acting, they were apparently expecting Buckingham Palace. The look in their eye makes it seem like they think that at any moment they might be drenched with a bucket of Nickelodeon slime. They lay down a napkin before they let their ass touch the barstool, and instead of ordering a drink, they take swigs out of the bottle of water they brought with them. You can feel how tense they are from across the room. They look like they could use a drink. It’s just unfortunate that they’re too grossed out by the smudges on the glasses to order one. 

7. The Terrible First Date

You see them there in the corner and it’s clear that this is not the start of a storybook romance. One is a little overdressed, clearly unaware of what they had gotten themselves into. The other is keeping it casual. It’s clear that this is the closest bar to their apartment and they were just looking for a hook up. It’s a bit of a car crash, but just like a car crash, you can’t look away. The awkward 20 minutes provides a nice little show for you to watch while you sip your drinks. 

8.  The Self Congratulators   

These people may be used to fancier bars, but they don’t need them. They’re much more salt of the earth people. They’d rather grace us normal people with their presence than pay $18 dollars for a drink. (They totally could, though!) It’s great that they are trying not to be snobs, but….well, they shouldn’t be so proud of themselves for it. The only thing snobbier than paying $18 for a drink is congratulating themselves for not doing so. 


Source link