In a trend that’s become all too familiar, we’re losing another longstanding TV show from Netflix’s offering: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is leaving the streaming service in December 2017. That means the show I watch an episode or two of NEARLY EVERY DAY is leaving my precious Netflix for good very soon, and I don’t really know what to do with myself…other than to track my emotional states upon learning the news:
Stage 1: Anger
“WHAT?! BUT HOW CAN IT LEAVE NETFLIX?! IT’S ALWAYS BEEN ON NETFLIX?!”
Dennis Reynolds Rage Meter: “YOU EVER BEEN IN A STORM LIKE THAT, WALLY?!”
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF LICENSING DEALS NOR THE EVOLVING STREAMING SERVICE MARKETPLACE WHEREIN CONTENT OWNERS WANT TO USE THEIR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY TO BRING CONSUMERS TO THEIR OWN PLATFORMS! GRR!!!
Stage 2: Bargaining
“Okay, well, it probably won’t leave for a while, so I’ll just binge on it until then and get my fill.”
Dennis Reynolds Playing It Cool Meter: (see above)
Sure, I’m used to watching like two episodes every day, so if I just watched 700 episodes real fast, that’s basically the same as a year’s worth of watching it. Same average, at least.
Stage 3: Anger (again)
“WAIT IT LEAVES IN TWO WEEKS?! FUCK.”
Dennis Reynolds Rage Meter: “MY RAGE KNOWS NO BOUNDS!”
I’ve done the math in my head, and watching 700 episodes of TV in 14 days is going to be pretty tough.
Also, there’s not 700 episodes of this show, so I’m gonna have to watch a lot of repeats.
Stage 4: Still Anger
“SCREW NETFLIX FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN. I SHOULD TOTALLY CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION!”
Dennis Reynolds Rage Meter: Pretending to choke someone to death.
HOW DARE THEY?! THEY HAVE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, JUST PAY WHATEVER AMOUNT THE PRODUCERS WANT! I LITERALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE NETFLIX HAS TO OFFER!
Stage 5: Depression
“Oh shit, wait, Stranger Things. And GLOW. And Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, and Punisher. And Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. And SHIT I’m stuck.”
Dennis Reynolds Self-Awareness Meter: Sudden awareness that I’m addicted and there’s nothing I can do about it.
GODDAMN YOU NETFLIX, STOP PRODUCING SO MUCH COMPELLING AND ARTISTICALLY-RICH CONTENT! YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO STAY MAD AT YOU!
Stage 6: Acceptance
“Oh, it’s just going to Hulu? That’s fine then. Nevermind.”
Frank Reynolds Egg Offering Meter: This egg IS bringing me comfort in this trying time.
Oh cool, Hulu’s the only other streaming service I have, so this is fine. Thank god it’s not going to FXNow or something.