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Fake News

The 6 Stages of Watching an Olympic Sport


1. Tune To A Sport You’ve Never Been Interested Before And Make Fun Of It

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The Olympics come around every four years and based on the types of sports involved, you kind of understand why. From your outsider perspective they all seem so dumb. You don’t really care about them, and you certainly don’t get why someone would devote their entire life to getting good at something this pointless. Still, it’s on and you’re too lazy to think of something else to do with your time. You sit down

2. Become Slowly Entranced

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What the fuck? You look at the clock and it turns out you’ve been watching for over an hour? How did that happen? In the blink of an eye you’ve gone from ironically detached to completely enthralled. You don’t really know what’s going on, and you can’t say really say that you’re enjoying yourself. That said, you can’t bring yourself to turn away so you keep watching for reasons that you can’t explain.

3. Slowly Start To Understand The Rules

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As you remain glued to your television, you begin to pick up the rules by sheer osmosis. The strange terms that were once foreign to you start to make a little more sense. You’re still not entirely sure what’s going on but you feel like you get the gist of what’s going on…..at least that’s how it is at first. It’s not long before something clicks and….

4. Suddenly You Become An Expert

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It all makes sense now. A couple hours as a spectator and you suddenly know everything there is to know about this sport. You start questioning calls and yelling at your televisions because you know way better than these trained referees and Olympic level athletes. If only you had been the coach, you could have lead this team to the gold with ease, but unfortunately, you were only marginally aware of this sport’s existence until a few hours ago. 

5. Get WAY Too Invested

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Once you know what’s going on, there’s no turning back. You’re in it now. You watch your screen with an intensity and passion, the likes of which you’ve never felt before. You root for your team, and root for them hard. Their failure is your failure. Their triumphs are your triumphs. You’ve literally never cared about anything as much as you do this event right now. You cancel your weekend plans because you need to be awake for the Saturday 4am live gold medal match. There is no way your devoted ass would dare watch this pre-recorded. This is your life now.

6. Stop Watching It And Don’t Think About It Again For 4 Years

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Okay, that was fun. Turn off the television and go about your merry way. Completely forget about the sport you just watched until the next Olympics because no matter how engaging they are, a lot of these events are dumb. Like we said, there’s a reason the games only come around once every four years.

 






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