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Fake News

The 15 Most Important @dril Tweets Of All-Time


I don’t know who or what @dril is, and ultimately I hope we never find out. The reveal of @horseebooks ruined what little magic was left in that anonymous, weird Twitter account, and it’s not an experience I’d like to go through again – let alone with the single most worthwhile account on Twitter…personified only by a blurry photo of Jack Nicholson and a string of bizarre, sometimes nonsensical tweets, known only by @dril (or “wint”).

For the uninitiated, @dril is…well, @dril is the darkness that resides in us all – the part of us that is obsessed with being online and denim tattoos and disgusted by the idea of logging off. @dril is all that is broken within us…and all that is beautiful within us. He is everything that the internet has ever been and everything that it ever will be. But the words of others will ultimately fail to explain what/who @dril is – only @dril’s tweets can truly paint that picture.


Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it” has become the presumed tagline of everyone who says something stupid online – a dumb/misinformed opinion, an awful hot take, or any tweet that is clearly going to be instantly regrettable the second your bearings return to you. And what better way to illustrate a boilerplate bad opinion than someone defending Jared Fogle under the pretense that he’s being persecuted for having “different beliefs”?


This was long an easy reference to make whenever someone was deeply, obviously wrong on a topic but refused to admit it, and just dug in deeper on whatever Bad Opinion hill they decided was worth dying on online – but its legend grew significantly larger in recent months.

An image created by an anti-Kamala Harris online poster was taken to fit some alternate slang definition of “corncob” – involving being sexually assaulted with a corncob. The myth of the intention behind calling people “corncobs” being tied to rape culture spread quickly, thanks to some influential accounts perpetuating the bad faith argument:

This is, however, not something anyone in these online circles would be referencing – especially not when @dril tweet references are so, so much more immensely popular and instantly recognizable. And now, thanks to some particularly dumb people online, people think @dril is some kind of rape apologist, instead of knowing it’s just someone who made an absurd tweet about transforming into a corncob when you refuse to admit you’ve been owned online.


The most beautiful thing about this incredibly ridiculous tweet (the idea that a man’s family is dying because he spends nearly $4k a month on candles) is that there’s occasionally someone who just takes it at face value and tries to respond sincerely. That’s honestly the best case scenario for most @dril tweets, but this one in particular – as this is one of the best exchanges ever:

The other wonderful part of this tweet is how incredibly applicable it is to…well, everything. Any time someone is overspending on something obviously extraneous and pointless, there is no better reference point:


This is as close to a scathing criticism against late stage capitalism as any you’d expect from @dril – envisioning random internet celebrities as impossibly rich and wealthy, while dril remains so impossibly poor that he’s trying to USE A COPIER TO MAKE MORE FRUIT ROLL UPS TO EAT. There is no sadder image possible than a real life @dril (who still looks like a blurry Jack Nicholson) sadly and hopelessly trying to copy a Fruit Roll-Up in a library while fuming over the Numa Numa kid.


This tweet in particular has been semi-enshrined by politically active Twitter users (aka “everyone on Twitter) as a metaphor for centrism – an insane focus on trying to play “both sides” and refusing to take a firm stance on anything. Although maybe this tweet (from less than a month later) better summarizes things:


Whenever any group of celebrities are doing anything newsworthy, I see this tweet pop into my timeline at least three or four times – the Oscars, the Emmys, massive outpourings of sexual assault allegations, etc. It’s such a big general idea (celebs being “at it again”), it can apply to nearly anything, and always feels just about right.


“beavis_sinatra” is such a perfect fake username for an online nemesis (better than your stereotypical “WeedGoku69” example), but what’s even better is that the replies to the tweet COMPLETELY BACK @DRIL UP. Looking at cups too close to the edge of the table IS absolutely maddening:

And even better, someone DID register the username “beavis_sinatra” and has used the account exclusively for sending @dril pictures of cups too close to the edge of tables:


@dril’s first – and possibly most important – tweet. Just “no”. No capitalization, no punctuation – just a refutation of everything and anything Twitter represents. Many people’s first tweet is something hokey and embarrassing (stuff like “first tweet! yay!” or “decided to check out what this twitter thing was all about lol”) – not @dril, though. @dril’s first tweet is a thing of poetry and magic, and something we should all look up to.


On its own, this is a nice standard @dril tweet, but nothing really special – it hints at a much larger (and weirder) world that @dril exists in: an alternate dimension where being at war with an army of skeletons is more or less the norm. It’s funny and goofy, but wouldn’t show up in this list if not for the incredibly dumb reaction from a MULTITUDE of online atheists. Online atheists are the easiest humans in the world to troll – they’re more obsessed with their belief system than any religious person, and they are CONSTANTLY searching for anything to post to make them feel superior to others. And one of the larger atheism Facebook pages came across the “skeleton war” tweet and somehow didn’t pick up any hint of irony to it:


This is (obviously) an old, old picture – not super long after posting, they realized what a ridiculous mistake they’d made and deleted the post, but not before it was shared nearly 20,000 times and received thousands of comments deriding @dril for….their understanding that his skeleton war tweet was religious in some way? I honestly have no idea what religion subscribes to @dril’s skeleton war scenario, but I desperately want to join.


There is no point in me trying to explain this one. Just soak it in and appreciate it.


I love everything about the Betsy Ross Museum tweet – how casual @dril is about volunteering there, the specificity of the exact museum, and the idea that it’s very, very common for people to ask him for permission to fuck a flag (combined with his wistful retort that not even he – a volunteer at the museum – is allowed such pleasures). It’s so goddamn weird and bizarre in how it’s framed as this incredibly normal and relatable thing – and its legend has only grown since (then candidate) Donald Trump looked like he DID want to fuck a flag:


But even without Donald Trump’s flag-enjoying antics, it’s a damn good tweet – and similar riffs (always ending in “buddy, they wont even let me fuck it”) have become shockingly common online:


The perfect parody of the manifesto of “extremely serious online guy” – obsessed with his own brand of inconsequential social media posts, a belief that he’s the only one committed to what’s actually important, and whining about trolls. This pretty perfectly describes 90% of politics wonks online, who spend seemingly all of their time online and treat posting as the most important possible political activism.


There has never, ever been a better and more thorough summary of forums posting culture (RIP), the dominant form of nerds arguing about mundane nonsense for most of the early to mid-2000s. Heated debate, controversial actions by mods, insanely long pagecount, and a topic so puerile that it would be impossible to say aloud to any normal human being without feeling an overwhelming sense of shame.


He’s right. He’s completely right.


Please, @dril, be true to your word and never log off.

And just as a reminder, @dril has a Patreon – so you can finally give @dril money for bringing so much joy to the world.

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