Homepage / Fake News / The 10 Best First Generation Pokemon Ranked, Objectively
Trump: ‘The Only Way To Find Out What Happened At The Saudi Consulate Is To Send In More Journalists One At A Time’ Dad Apparently Using Spanish Accent To Pronounce Middle Eastern Food Now Arkansas City Posts Bid To Host 2032 Summer Olympic Games Has Your Mother Been Seduced Into Joining a Polygamist Cult? University Suspends All Lightweights From Campus Following Fraternity Hazing Death Saudis Admit Journalist Khashoggi Died During Botched Assassination Attempt Smiley Face Doodled On Check Commemorates Undeniable Chemistry Between Waiter, Ericson Family Tips For Giving A Great Wedding Toast Golden State Raises 2018, 2019, 2020 Championship Banners This Angry Mob Is Never Going To Grow Until We’re More Welcoming To New Members Democratic Candidate Blows Fundraising Lead On Massive 15-Story Lawn Sign ‘The Conners’ Premieres Without Roseanne Barr ‘Roseanne’ Spinoff Showrunner Hopes Big Puddle Of Blood In Kitchen Enough To Explain Main Character’s Disappearance Smitten, Trump Hires Kanye at Lunch Mike Pompeo Impressed By Realism Of Saudis’ Halloween Decorations The Jerry Duncan Show interviews Justice Brett Kavanaugh and Senator Diane Feinstein Melania’s Heart Sinks After Realizing Husband Uses Pet Name ‘Horseface’ For Every Woman He Fucks The 6 Stages of Repressing Your Anger Poll Finds U.S. Global Image Down, Especially Among Allies 8 People On Social Media Who Should Be Considered Criminals State Election Commission Chases Wild Animals Out Of Voting Booths In Preparation For Upcoming Midterms Clash of the Corn Cuties | Fantasy High Gift Ideas to Help Republican Grandparents Bribe Their Grandkids into Not Hating Them for Dooming Humanity Paul Allen To Leave $10,000 To Everyone Who Shares This Post ICE Agent Terrified After Becoming Separated From Team During Immigrant Raid Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 16, 2018 Signs Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl May Be Less Of A “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” And More Of A “Depression Meal At Walmart” Mars Rover Finds Newspaper Warning Of Dire Effects Of Climate Change The Week In Pictures – Week Of October 15, 2018 Washington Supreme Court Strikes Down State’s Death Penalty Grandma Amazed By How Fuckable Grandson Has Gotten Since She Saw Him Last Timeline Of Human Activity In Antarctica Meghan Markle Nervously Looking Over Clinic Pamphlets Weighing Her Options What Elementary School Was Like in Each Decade Elizabeth Warren Disappointed After DNA Test Shows Zero Trace Of Presidential Material Jared Kushner Likely Avoided Income Tax For Years Saudi Arabia Sends Assassins To Dismember Entire International Community In Effort To Stifle Dissent Me, Frankenstein Monster, Am Victim of Angry Mob and Me Blame George Soros Loser Woman Hasn’t Even Inspired One Bar Fight Every Negotiation Scene Ever Cows Trample Dozens Of Lobsters To Death In Escalating Surf ’N’ Turf War Horrified Nurses Discover 40-Pound Baby After Accidentally Leaving It In Incubator Over Weekend Rosie O’Donnell Admits What She Did With Her Tuba “This One Time at Band Camp” All Hallow's Grieve Donner Party Archaeological Study Finds Survivors Preferred White Meat Drawfee Presents CARTOON HELL [First Full Episode] Jack-o’-lantern Designs that Say “We’re Filing for Divorce” Humiliating: When Asked What I Wanted for My Last Meal, I Panicked and Said “Yo-Yo’s” A Sexy Fire Drill | See Plum Run Is There a Subtle Way to Ask if My Book-Club Book Has Cunnilingus in It? Stephen Hawking’s Final Paper Revealed H.P. Lovecraft Reviews His Recent Amazon Purchases by Pat Landers Woman Always Gets Best Ideas While Taking Shower With Two Jacked Dudes Should LeBron James Leave ‘Space Jam 2’ For A Movie With A Better Chance Of Winning An Oscar? Frightened Don Jr. Asks If He Can Sleep In Dad’s Bed After Bad Dream About Being Indicted Panicked Falcons Discover Scratch In Mercedes Benz Stadium This Bitter Couple Tells Us The Secret To A 3-Year, 5-Month, And 2-Week Marriage Sully Sullenberger Realizes It Too Late Now To Let Everyone Know Plane Did All That Stuff On Autopilot Bill And Hillary Clinton Announce Joint Tour Mom Hates Bad Guy In Movie This Bitter Couple Tells Us The Secret To A 3-Year, 5-Month, And 2-Week Marriage Kanye West Jumps On Massage Table To Deliver Speech About Relaxation Stop Hating My Favorite Things How to Get Past Your Baseball Team Losing in the Playoffs…Again Trump Administration Urges Saudis To Stick To Killing Random Yemeni Civilians Many States Still Relying On Outdated Methods To Disenfranchise Voters Woman Reveals She Was With Kavanaugh the Night Christine Blasey Ford Testified About Classic Chuck Norris Film “Good Guys Wear Black” to have Politically Correct Remake Movies Reviewed by Me, a Teen in the Early 2000s, Based on What I Saw Before I Started Making Out Trump Touts Ivanka's World Capitals IQ in Consideration of Her as UN Ambassador ‘Try It Now,’ Shouts Gogo Internet Technician Standing On Plane Wing While Fixing In-Flight Wireless Connection Students Who Take Latin Have Better Chance Of Summoning Demon Later In Life Mom Still Raving About Butternut Squash Ravioli She Tried 13 Years Ago Hurricane Michael Makes Landfall In Most Dangerous Storm In Florida Panhandle History ‘The Convergence Is At Hand,’ Announces Sears CEO As Employees Report To Company Headquarters In White Gowns Panicked Meteorologists Advise Entire Nation To Take Cover After Losing Track Of Hurricane Michael Leaving Neil Armstrong’s Homemade Banner Out of “First Man” Ignores that the Moon Landing was a Completely Individual Achievement Tips For Relieving Back Pain Rick Scott Orders Hurricane Michael To Evacuate From Florida 10 Ways To Come Out of The Closet The CORRECT Way An Inside Look At The Crack Marketing Team At Pornhub Salamanders Bravely Offer To Go Extinct In Place Of Better Animal What If We Made Voting Fun? Sexual Allegations Against “Slick Willie” Different Than Those Against Trump and Kavanaugh Is This Year's Giants Team An Al-Qaeda Plot Designed To Hurt New Yorkers Again? No, You Don’t Need To Worry About Trick-or-Treaters Being Given Edibles Calm, Measured Trump Hard At Work After Freak Accident Leaves Him With Railroad Spike Lodged In Skull Kim Jong-Un Wants Pope To Visit North Korea Cyborg Cops & Sci-Fi Substance Abuse | Um, Actually Obese Man Has Amazing Calves Democrats Issue Ultimatum To Donald Trump: Do Not Juggle Chainsaws ‘Can Anyone Hear Me?’ Shout Terrified Climate Scientists Frantically Waving Arms As Passersby Walk Straight Through Them ExxonMobil CEO Depressed After Realizing Earth Could End Before They Finish Extracting All The Oil Tips For Dealing With A Difficult Landlord Excerpts from the Harry Potter Series, Reprinted In The Trumpian Translation 5 Things To Know About Rachel Maddow Nikki Haley Resigns As Trump’s U.N. Ambassador Kowtow: Chinese Habit We Are Learning U.S. Public Health Service Estimates They’ll Have Tuskegee Experiment Wrapped Up By 2020 Kavanaugh Huffs and Puffs His Way to the Supreme Court

Fake News

The 10 Best First Generation Pokemon Ranked, Objectively


People like to argue about a lot of things these days, and I’ve never understood why. People still think that most stuff is a matter of opinion, but that simply isn’t the case. There are objective answers to every question in the world, and lucky for you guys, I happen to know all of them. I’ve decided to clue you guys in and put some of the internet’s biggest disagreements to rest once and for all. This week, I’ll be tackling…

10. Kingler

undefined

Kingler is not the most creative Pokemon design….In fact, he’s just a crab who looks like a crab. That said, there’s something special about this little fellow and not enough people acknowledge it. Just think back to when he made his debut in the anime. In his hour of need, he evolves from a lowly Krabby and single handedly clenches Ash his first victory in Pokemon League. That oddly effeminate magician didn’t know what hit him! Kingler is a symbol of hope. He’s a sign that you can change from something weak and scrawny into something badass and powerful without having to change that much at all…..Also he has an underbite and one oversized claw which make him super silly and fun!

9. Raichu

undefined

Pikachu is good and all, but let’s be honest: He’s just a less interesting version of Raichu. Raichu has bomb ass elf ears, an adorable pot belly, and the best tail in all of Pokemon, all while retaining everything you love about his far more famous pre evolution. I have no idea why Ash’s Pikachu refuses to evolve, because it’s clear that he’s not living up to his true potential.

8. Snorlax

undefined

Snorlax is by far the most relatable Pokemon in the entire franchise. He just wants to sleep and eat, and the second you come between him and his goals, he raises hell. Who among us can say that’s not the life they wish they could lead. Intimidating, cute and pudgy as hell, Snorlax is everything you could possibly want in a Pokemon. He may be blocking your path, but he’s never in the way.  

7. Dragonite

undefined

The original Dragon-Type is also the best. His sweet appearance and portly physique hide the fact that he’s a total badass. There’s a reason he’s the last Pokemon you fight in the Elite Four, after all.  Dragonite is capable of fucking up your shit, but I still just wanna give him a great, big hug, and that makes him a great Pokemon in my book.

6. Bulbasaur

undefined

Bulbasaur is often treated like he’s the worst of the original starter Pokemon, but the fact of the matter is that he’s clearly the best. For starters, unlike Squirtle and Charizard, there’s more to his design than just taking an existing animal, changing it slightly, and making it walk upright. Bulbasaur combines all the best parts of dogs, dinosaurs, frogs and seeds in a way that’s MUCH cooler than that sounds. It’s a shame that the little guy basically just evolves into fatter versions of itself, but I guess it makes sense that it turns into something worse. Bulbasaur pretty near perfect as it is, so it has nowhere to go but down.

5. Haunter

undefined

Most middle evolutions are like middle children: Worthless, unlovable, and far inferior to their older and younger counterparts. I’m talking to you, Wartortle. The one exception to this rule is Haunter. With his spooky tongue, intense eyes and awesome floating hands, Haunter is the one time I was happy that trade-based evolution exists.

4. Cubone

undefined

It makes sense that a lot of us have an emotional connection to Cubone: He’s basically all of us at the age when we first started playing Pokemon. Sad, misunderstood and just a little bit fat, Cubone has one of the richest backstories of any Pokemon out there, along with a couple of bombass signature moves all his own. Cubone is a lone wolf in the Pokemon world, and I just hope he can one day find happiness.  

3. Blastoise

undefined

He’s a turtle with guns on his back. Need I say more?

2. Butterfree

undefined

Butterfree was everyone’s first encounter with Pokemon greatness. After suffering through Viridian Forest  with nothing but a lowly Metapod, you come out the other end with your first fully evolved Poke, ready to hand Broke his own B-hole. Though nothing good can last, and you’ll eventually have to send Butterfree to chill out in Bill’s PC, his big eyes, stupid little hands, and inexplicable fangs will ensure that he always has a special spot in all of our hearts. Just think about how much you cried when Ash had to give his up in the anime. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

1. Eevee

undefined

Eevee is the cutest Pokemon. Eevee evolves into the coolest Pokemon. Eevee literally has the potential to transform into any number of awesome creatures. The fact that Eevee is not the official mascot is a travesty, because Eevee, more than any other Pokemon, encapsulate everything that makes the franchise great.

 

Those are the objective facts, people. If you disagree with me, you’re wrong, but feel free to head to the comments to show me just how wrong you are! While you’re there, be sure to let me know if you have another topic you’d like me to settle objectively. It’s not easy being right all the time, but it’s my cross to bear.  






Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish