Homepage / Constitutional
Metropolitan Museum Acquires Another Vase Hate Crimes Continue To Rise Speakeasy Patrons Apparently Unaware It Legal To Go To Regular Bars Again Kanye's Social Media Manager A Principal’s Tough Conversation with his Coolest Student Embarrassed Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Can Only Afford American Flag Pin With 19 Stars Supercuts Now Offering To Give Customers Baths For $14.99 Single Female Praying Mantis Just Checking Out Online Dating The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews the Laughing Stock Disgusting Coworker Barely Even Washed Ass Before Leaving Bathroom Boyfriend’s Snack 200% Of Woman’s Daily Caloric Intake Wealth-Burdened Nation Grateful For Opportunity to Spend Money At New Onion Store Saudi Crown Prince Begins 100 Hours Of Court-Ordered Community Service For Murdering Jamal Khashoggi George R.R. Martin Admits He Struggling With New Book 5 Things To Know About Matthew Whitaker China Introduces New One-Uighur Policy Mother Feels A Little Validated After Daughter Who Stayed Out Late Gets Murdered Facebook Just Filled With Crazy Idiots Now Underfunded Public Schools Lacking Basic Support Systems Leave Students Perfectly Prepared For Rest Of Life Super Saiyans & Sauron Wildfires More Frequent Because Of Climate Change, Forest Management Relaxation Techniques For When You’re Feeling Anxious or Looting a Radio Shack Widow Still Can’t Bring Herself To Get Rid Of Husband’s Corpse That’s Right, I Made My Super Cool Best Friend Laugh and Now Everyone at School Likes Me Nation Getting Out All Its Aggression During Monthly Calls To Wireless Provider To Fix Service Pfizer Unveils New Double-Sided EpiPen For Lovers Female Director Asked If She Feels Comfortable Filming Scene While Nude Amazon Officially Picks New York, Northern Virginia For Next Headquarters Opie Taylor Actually Barney Fife’s Love Child Recently Divorced 40-Year-Old Struggling To Navigate College Dating Scene A TV Game Show Marketed Toward Acne Sufferers Hits The Airwaves Melania Releases Statement Calling For Removal Of First Lady From White House Nation’s Tourists Announce Plans To Form Circle, Clap Hands Around Guys Doing Flips And Stuff Nancy Pelosi Planning To Reenergize House By Injecting Self With Blood Of Young Representatives The Orb in the Woods Kids Naked Man Refusing To Let Unworthy Attire Touch His Body Until Launch Of New Onion Store Merchandise The Onion’s Guide To ‘Red Dead Redemption 2’ The Fantastic Bore North Korea Possibly Still Operating Hidden Missiles Bases Idiot Humans Love When AI Jumbles Up Words 45-Year-Old Loser Moves In With Parents Mark Wahlberg: New Movie "Basically Sucks" ‘He’s Not Right For You,’ Report Relationship Experts Who Must Not Want To See You Be Happy Hillary Launches Campaign To Raise $100 Million Or Else She’ll Run For President Poll Finds Voters Don’t Support Impeaching Trump Steve King Vehemently Denies Comparing Immigrants To People New ‘Game Of Thrones’ Trailer Reveals Final Season Will Be Cobbled Together From Old Footage NRA Publishes Tips For Staying Safe While Committing A Mass Shooting Natural Killers: A Message from an Environmentally-Conscious NRA Member New York City Announces Subway Just For Amazon Employees Now 5 Things To Know About ‘Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald’ Thank You For Doing All the Work Surgeon General Confirms A Bit Of Blow Here And There Won’t Kill Ya The Internet In A Nutshell Trump Delivers Touching Tribute To Fallen Heroes Of WWE Political Ad Spending Hit New Record In 2018 Midterms Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 13, 2018 Your Horoscope Based on the Demon That Has Possessed Your Body Ecologists Discover 400 Species Of Charles Darwin Living In Galápagos Islands Kid Diving Into Pile Of Leaves Has No Idea There Homeless Guy Jerking Off In There Stan Lee, Creator Of Beloved Marvel Character Stan Lee, Dead At 95 Emmanuel Macron Calls For ‘True European Army’ Against U.S., Chinese Threats 3 More States Vote To Legalize Marijuana Woman Confident She Has The Safety Net It Takes To Achieve Dreams FEMA Assures Wildfire Victims Bucket Brigade Nearly Over Maryland State Line Study Finds Only 20% Of Seminary Graduates Go On To Become God Family Figures Grandpa Never Talks About WWII Because Nothing Interesting Happened To Him Sorry, I'm a Slow Eater Friends Excitedly Gather Around Man’s Phone To Watch Shaky Footage Of Concert A Teacher's Assistant of Sorts Six Ways I Want Dwanye “The Rock” Johnson to Crush Me Trump Hacks Through Thick Central American Jungle In Search Of Entirely New Ethnic Group To Demonize Unattractive Man Not Fooling Anyone By Dressing Well The Week In Pictures – Week Of November 12, 2018 Al Gore Discovers a New Environmental Bogeyman I Am A Funny, Funny Book in A Barnes & Noble Display and I Want to Be With Your Niece DMs to a Young Influencer In Honor of Veteran’s Day… A Serious Note from SatireWorld | You make the news…We report it! Should Dunkin’ Donuts End Its Promotion With The NFL That Gives Fans One Free Medium Coffee For Every First Down? Cowboy Ex- Quarterback Tony Romo on Whether He Misses Jessica Simpson Kemp pushes Abrams to concede in Georgia gubernatorial race Neophyte Congresswoman-Elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Sends a Text Message House Republicans Look Forward To Leaving "All This Unpleasantness" Behind A Full Body Cast Fruit Beasts vs. Veggie Monsters Who Watches Your Instagram Stories at Night ICE-breakers: Fun Games for Agents and Immigrant Children Royal Baby Watch! Harry And Meghan Just Carved A Hole In The Side Of The PODS Container Where They Live Through Which Meghan Will Give Birth Astronomers Confirm Moon Will Have Dozens Of New Phases In 2019 Buy Partisan Is Cindy Gruden Worth More Than The 7th-Round Pick Jon Gruden Traded Her For? Study Finds Mediterranean Diet Adds Years To Your Life, But Only By Taking Them Away From Others Georgia GOP Demands Stacey Abrams Step Down As Candidate To Avoid Conflict Of Interest Now That the House Is Democratic, I’m Turning My Life Around Record Number Of Women To Take Seats In Congress Reddi-Wip Casually Announces Their Nozzles Can Easily Fit Into Most Orifices Top 10 Positive Things Trump Did for Americans on Nov. 6th City Officials Warn Against Flushing Feminine Hygiene Products After Finding 8-Foot-Long, 250-Pound Tampon Lurking In Sewers The 10 Chillest Bros To Have In Your Squad Michelle Obama Admits Barack Had Way Too Much Sperm To Make Natural Conception Possible
en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish