Brad Pitt’s Foundation Sued For Building Shoddy Homes After Katrina Sweetheart, The Day You Were Conceived Was The Best Day Of My Life Al Roker Strongly Considers Retiring From Creating The Weather Can A Serial Marijuana User Like Josh Gordon Fit In With The Patriots’ Cocaine-Based Culture? Premature Evacuation: Exit Seat Employment Kevin Hart Just Going To Assume He’s In ‘Space Jam 2’ Unless He Hears Otherwise Hookers and Porn Models in Uproar after ‘Mario Kart’ Trump Dick Revelation 80% Of Women Currently Wearing Wrong Size Bra, Shirt, Shoes, Pants, Hat How Far-Out Is Trump’s War Policy? How Trump Is Remaking America’s Court System The GOP Hokey Pokey – Will Durst, Humor Times Jimmy Butler Gives Wolves List Of 29 Preferred Trade Destinations r/Relationships: I suspect that my GF [33] steals monuments GOP Officials Urge Calmer, More Reasonable Death Threats Toward Kavanaugh Accuser Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/18/18 Top 10 Reasons Trump Will Never Step Down ‘Sesame Street’ Writer Backtracks On Claim That Bert And Bernie Gay BBC announces spin -off series for the Bodyguard Weight Loss Hypnosis for Free, if that’s the Sort of Humbug you’re into Report: Make It Stop Stumbling Drunk Chuck Grassley Warns Kavanaugh Accuser She Can Testify All She Wants But No One’s Going To Believe Her Celebrity Slumber Party with Jack Black Trump Makes Light-Hearted Jokes With Dead Bodies Of Hurricane Victims During Visit To Carolinas 4th Grader Panics Upon Realizing Classmate Giving Presentation Had Exact Same Summer As He Did Sensory Homunculus Diagram So Fucking Hot New Beatles Box Set Features 172 Unreleased Songs About Wanting To Hold Hands Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, Will You Give My “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” Spec a Read? The Worst Hurricanes In U.S. History Senate Passes Bipartisan Opioid Legislation Supposedly Educated Professor Has No Idea How To Get Bird Out Of Lecture Hall We Have Proof That Muppets Have Sex and Bert & Ernie Are Gay How I Failed at Being a Gilmore Girl Kavanaugh Shouldn’t Be Held Accountable For Something He Did As White Teenager FEMA Dispatches Crews To Do Whatever They Need To Do To Look Busy Ink-Splattered Trump Boys Counter Media Bias By Hand-Printing Own Newspaper In White House Basement The Best of Precious Plum & Mama PlayStation Classic To Include Friend Who Always Whooped Your Ass To Complete Retro Gaming Experience Shocking Biblical Study Reveals Methushael Did Not Beget Lamech Paul McCartney Releases 18th Solo Album Local Man Unsure If Woman Type Of Lesbian Who Only Dates Women Your #MeToo “Apology” For Yom Kippur Has Been Rejected Ronco and The Franklin Mint Combine with Democratic Party on Commemorative Plate Set Clarence Thomas Returns To Senate As White Man Named Brett My Husband Les Moonvez Gave Us Young Sheldon, And That's Good Enough for Me! By: Julie Chen London Mayor Calls For Second Brexit Referendum Fraternity Brothers Make Note Not To Kill Pledge Whose Family Has Lake House Marc Benioff Buys ‘Time’ Magazine For $190 Million White House Increases Number Of Asylum Seekers Allowed To Enter Spike-Filled Refugee Compactor Ted Cruz Attempts To Connect With Voters By Wearing More Handsome Man’s Face As Mask Blood-Spattered Sarah Huckabee Sanders Holds Up Huge Dismembered Penis To Prove Presidential Member Completely Normal Woman Longs For Day When First Female President Can Have Tell-All Book Written About Disgusting Vagina Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 18, 2018 Video Game Character Stares Impotently At Forbidden Realm Beyond Impassable Waist-High Bush Emotional Le’Veon Bell Reveals Holdout A Result Of Forgetting How To Run Is This The Worst Life Hack Ever Made? How to Make an Atom Bomb While Your Roommates Are Out of Town Tips For Long Bike Rides Scientist Close To Developing Life-Saving Vaccine That They Can Rub In Faces Of Their Doubters RuPaul Makes History as Viacom Earns 8 Awards – Viacom Corporate A Massive Storm is Barreling Down on my Family and Conversation with Them Has Never Been Easier Semi-Humorous Meetings with Strange Creatures in the Night The Failing Donald Trump Hires a Posse White Castle Now Selling Veggie Burger Sliders Nationwide The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Buckwheat Luke, Owen Wilson Recall Meeting On Set Of ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’ Kavanaugh Defends His Originalist Position Fingernail Got Fucking Huge Out Of Nowhere We Want Your House – Howard Zaharoff, Humor Times Cash-Strapped Zuckerberg Forced To Sell 11 Million Facebook Users Senate Republicans Seek To Delay Kavanaugh Vote Until Accuser Properly Smeared Emergency Room Admissions To Soar On Trump’s FEMA Text Alert Trial Kavanaugh Sweating Bullets After Betting Life Savings On Being Confirmed To Supreme Court FEMA Airdrops Emergency Cyanide Pills For Residents Stranded By Hurricane Florence Don’t Blame Me, Blame The Stars! GOP Releases New Letter Supporting Kavanaugh Signed By Orrin Hatch 500 Times Steve Bannon Calls #MeToo Most Powerful Political Movement In World Marine Biologists Reveal That Majority Of World’s Oceans Remain Boring As Shit White House Raises Official Hurricane Florence Death Toll To -17 Our Weirdest Sex Misconceptions Koch Brothers Furious Kavanaugh Never Disclosed That Nation Might Care About Sexual Abuse I Read Your Guidelines, But I’m Submitting This Piece That Clearly Isn’t a Fit for Your Publication Because, Well, Just Read It and You’ll See Why Kavanaugh On Sexual Assault Allegations: ‘I Miss High School’ The Week In Pictures – Week Of September 17, 2018 Maxine Waters Fails Hearing Test | You make the news…We report it! Oh no! Elon Musk went on a heroin user's podcast and shot himself full of junk Um, Actually: Star Trek, Schwarzenegger, and Stoker The Pillow Personality Test | Points in Case Donald Trump Claims He’s Found Obama’s ‘Lost Birth Certificate’ There’s Nothing Quite Like Traveling Abroad and Soaking In All the Rich, Authentic Poverty Pope Summons World’s Bishops For Meeting On Sexual Abuse Frat Brothers Draw All Over Pledge Who Passed Away At Party Second Fatwa Issued On Salman Rushdie For Derivative, Uninspired 13th Novel High School Drama Teacher Already Has Pretty Good Idea Who He’ll Pick For Fall Girlfriend The Onion’s 2018 Emmy Predictions Manafort Reaches Plea Deal With Special Counsel Top 5 Most Potent Celery Strains You’re Upset I Broke Into Your House And Stole A Bunch Of Your Shit. Don’t Worry, I’m Donating Everything To Goodwill Scientists Announce They’ve Completed Mapping The Human G-Spot Woman’s Children Officially Old Enough To Pony Up For Good Birthday Gift This Year Mike Pence Struggling To Reckon With Vision Of Prophet Muhammad Revealing That VP Destined To Become Next President