Homepage / Fake News / Survey: How Do You Feel About Being Black?
Passenger Glued To Airplane Window Like It Fucking 1956 Impact Of Global Insect Decline Knicks Confident They Have The Cap Space To Ruin 2 Or 3 Promising Careers Trump Installs Room-Sized Golf Simulator In White House Trump Confirms All Violent Options On The Table In Venezuela These Penguins Hump Corpses Join The Gentleman’s Club | Points in Case Karl Lagerfeld Horrified By Uninspired, Garish Tunnel Of Light Coming Toward Him Death Of Sailor In Iconic VJ-Day Photo Reminds Americans Of Halcyon Days When Wars Still Ended Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 19, 2019 List: More Fun Facts About the Harry Potter Universe, From JK Rowling Taco Hell Rules for a Silicon Valley High School Dance in 2029 Trump Memes: The Ideas Just Keep Presenting Themselves! U. S. Constitution’s Medical Record The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Kellyanne and George Conway Coworkers Agog As Employee Introduces New Shirt Into Rotation U.K. Passes Bill Making ‘Upskirting’ Illegal Archaeology Isn't Sexy Man Always Makes Sure To Put Phone On Silent Before Misplacing It A Viking's Peace Major Strasser of the Third Reich Trashes Rick’s Cafe on Yelp Aunt Scores Big With Nephews By Dropping Bombshell Story About Mom Smoking Weed As Teenager ‘Aquaman 2’ Announced The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 18, 2019 List: New Tracks Dropped By Kremlin-Approved Rappers Things That Used to Be Fun in High School, But Aren’t Anymore Saudis Revoke Ladies’ Right to Drive after Woman Cited for Illegal Turn Bring Unto Me Now This Kingly Delight! When It Comes to Waiting, I’m a Natural Female Brains More Youthful Than Male Ones An Open Apology From Fred Durst, Who Did Not Mean to Do it All for The Nookie Yosemite Expands Lodging Accommodations With New Log Cabin High-Rises Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Criticized For Preventing 25,000 New York Evictions Chinese Man Worried You Can’t Have Respectful Debate About How Amazing Government Is Anymore Climatologists Find Pitchers And Catchers Reporting Further South Every Spring Mass Invasion Of Polar Bear Forces Russian Islands To Declare Emergency Trump Base Celebrates President For Standing Up To Constitution Trump Offers Clear, Historical Precedent For Deploying U.S. Military With No Provocation Just Pretend It's a Laser Ann Coulter Attacks Trump For Cowardly Backing Down From Full On Race War Meet Cute with a Ghost Beached Whale Trying To Hold On Until Sea Levels Rise What the Fuck is Wrong With You? Chef Justice Luigi Vespucci Issues Spicy Dissent On Puttanesca V. Arrabiata Tumor-Covered Chester Cheetah Apologizes For Role In Marketing Dangerously Cheesy Cheetos To Children Pros And Cons Of Salary Transparency List: What Your Sign Says About the Bear That’s Going to Eat You NYPD Deploys New Line Of Plain Clothes Cop Cars Warnings about My Small Town from a Local Intellectual Congress Reaches Tentative Deal For Border Security Deal Man Hoping Girlfriend Doesn’t Notice Valentine’s Day Gift Came From Gas Station Man Worried Experiences Of Cancun Trip Far Too Complex To Be Conveyed Through Single Keychain Sighing Banksy Methodically Kills Another Few Kids Who Stumbled Upon Him Doing Graffiti Meals On Wheels Volunteers Deliver Body Chocolate, Edible Underwear To Seniors Shut In On Valentine’s Day ‘Wait, Mr. Bezos, You Forgot Your Tax Subsidy!’ Says Andrew Cuomo Running Behind Limo Nation Celebrates Valentine’s Day Elliott Abrams Defends War Crimes As Happening Back In The ’80s When Everyone Was Doing It Annoying YouTube Algorithm Not Letting Man Forget Single Time He Watched 14 Hours Straight Of Hitler Speeches El Chapo Given Life Sentence Leeches, Exes, and Loans [Full Episode] I Was Going to Do Dry January But Then I Was Kidnapped by a Band of Pirates Boss Makes Lipstick Prints On Paychecks For Valentine’s Day Maybelline Announces It Will Stop Testing New Products On Unsuspecting Customers In The Middle Of The Night This Actually Good News, Contractor Reveals, Because Now You Know The Real Problem List: 10 Male Variants of “Resting Bitch Face” Tips For Enjoying Valentine’s Day If You’re Single Woman Wakes Husband Up On Valentine’s Day With Hot Surprise Blowtorch The Galentine’s Day Massacre | Points in Case ‘Deep State’? Or Is It More Likely a ‘Deep Oligarchy’? The State of the Union Aftermath A Bountiful Harvest Takes Work Authorities Swiftly Announce 1,600 Washington Dairy Cows Found Mutilated, Arranged In Pentagram Killed By Blizzard Spacecraft Travel From All Over Galaxy To Honor End Of Opportunity Rover’s Life Timeline Of Artificial Intelligence Sensei’s Assistant Really Getting His Ass Whipped Free to a Good Home: Adorable Dog, Absolutely Nothing Wrong with Him (Eats Dogs) Suicide Rates Falling Worldwide ‘National Geographic’ Increases Ideological Diversity By Hiring First Anti-Tree-Frog Writer List: Updated NASCAR Rules Explained Never Thought I’d Say This, But I, John Wick, Would Like More Gun Control Falling Suicide Rates Leave Researchers Baffled Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 12, 2019 Heart On Vaccinations Soar By 500% In Measles Outbreak County Nation Horrified To Discover Cory Booker Already A Senator Plummeting Insect Numbers Could Cause Collapse Of Ecosystems Trump Invites Supporter, BBC Cameraman To Finish Altercation At White House Congress Agrees To $1.3 Billion For Protective Border Fencers Angry, Ranting Twitter User Really Needs To Move Out Of Parents’ Basement Where the Hell are All the Snowmen? 5 Things To Know About Amy Klobuchar Rock, Paper, Stabbing Contest Parasitic Space Worm Controlling Mark Kelly’s Body Announces Arizona Senate Bid Ultrasound Technician Asks Pregnant Woman If She’d Like To Know Baby’s Name Character Witness Told He Doesn’t Have What It Takes To Be Star Witness Why People Are Fascinated By True Crime Stories Things @fuckjerry Stole From Me Get the New Khloe Kardashian Look for Just 250K! It’s About Time – fancy pants , Humor Times

Fake News

Survey: How Do You Feel About Being Black?



“I don’t really think about it.”
—Bart Rudd, Student

“It bothers me that almost every homeless guy I see in this city is black. Could we get a diversity program for poverty? You know, affirmative action for sleeping in parks? It could change things.”
—Nina Bryant, Publicist

“It’s time we took some responsibility. My high school didn’t even talk about Jim Crow, so he couldn’t have been that bad.”
—Wendy Hart, Pundit

“Black men invented Wushu kung-fu. The colleges want us to forget, but we remember the truth. The one-inch punch is black. The Shaolin temples were black. The three-section staff is black. It’s all black.”
—Dean Williams, Unemployed

“For a long time, I didn’t care. But now it’s been six years since my last promotion, and that has me thinking.”
—Zachary Easton, Coder

“Black? It’s alright. Poor? It’s killing me. I can’t even afford to be depressed about it.”
—Caleb Jones, Cashier

“Great question! Follow @WokeQueenSelene for the answer. You might learn something about oppression. And dog gifs. Focus on the oppression.”
—Selene Parsons, Influencer

“Think of the butterfly effect. If I wasn’t black, what else would change? Would America still exist? Would we cure colon cancer? Would giant bipedal ladybugs control the world?”
—Lisa Martin, Nurse

“I’ve got a kid. I made the same mistake as a dozen white girls in this shithole town, but I get all the looks and jokes. It’s not funny from where I’m sitting.”
—Anna Foxwood, Assistant Librarian

“Well, I get to say nigga. Nigga. Nigga-nigga-nigga. Nigga? Nigga!”
—Robert North, Lawyer

“I’m proud, as all kings should be. Being born black is my greatest accomplishment.”
—Cedric Lane, Unemployed

“I just want to marry a white woman. Anything else is worse than being alone. And I can’t be alone with me. I went to white schools in a white town in a white state. I need a white wife to feel like myself.”
—Elliot Andrews, Therapist

“Fuck whitey.”
—Tyler Cole, Correctional Officer

“It’s kicking the shit out of me. Google ‘Jamaicans and homosexuality’ the next time you’re having a good day.”
—Stella Hammond, Greeter

“I read that the police are shooting us. And that white terrorists are shooting us. And that we’re shooting us. Does all that really happen? I don’t want to get shot.”
—Jessica Clark, Student

“It was cool until I got shot.”
—Ernest Kincaid, Student

“Let me tell you: my parents came from Angola, and the niggers here are out of control. I’m perfectly proud of being black, but don’t associate me with your niggers.”
—Loide Boavida, Retiree

“In Dungeons & Dragons, there’s this chart called an encounter table. It decides what monsters and traps players encounter based on a dice roll between one and a hundred. At one, you might find some gold. At 100, you might find a pissed-off dragon made of gold. Follow me? Being black is like going through life with a second encounter table. Between 1 and 50, nothing happens. A 56 gets you a ‘random’ traffic stop, and an 81 gets you a racist manager. Roll 100 and you get your own hashtag. Which would be nice, if you were around to enjoy it.”
—Ed Galloway, High School Football Coach

“I don’t give two wet shits, and I’m tired of people expecting me to. Piss off.”
—Fred Austere, Author

“It’s pretty fucked.”
—Davin Porter, Civil Engineer

“It’s great.”
—R.B. Cartwright, Valet

“It’s okay.”
—Cynthia Lucas, Professor of African-American Studies

Join upcoming comedy writing, improv, & sketch classes at The Second City – 10% off with code PIC.

Check out events at The Satire and Humor Festival in NYC March 22-24.




Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish