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Fake News

Pursue an Accelerated Ninja/Rock Star Dual Degree at Franklin Morse College


Jumpstart your career with a dual degree!

As the overall demand for graduates with liberal arts degrees has softened in the broader job market, demand for applicants with ninja and rock star skills has skyrocketed. Today, young graduates searching LinkedIn and Indeed.com increasingly find job postings for rock star developers, design ninjas, as well as ninja/rock star electricians, patent attorneys, pastry chefs and sommeliers.

Adapting to these changing workplace realities, esteemed Franklin Morse College in historic Millbury, New Hampshire has introduced a first-of-its kind accelerated Ninja/Rock Star dual degree program.

Our select, highly motivated students enjoy small class sizes, and receive hands-on instruction from fearsome, masked assassins who will teach you to:

  • Wield a kusarigama to stun and kill your opponent
  • Use disguises to confuse and infiltrate the enemy
  • Concoct poisons and blinding powders
  • Scale castle walls
  • Appear to be actually invisible

At the same time, our resident Rock Star faculty—led by former members of Limp Bizkit, Nickelback and Good Charlotte—will teach you the skills you will need to:

  • Rock-n-roll all night
  • Party every day
  • Trash a hotel room
  • Feud with Taylor Swift
  • Drink yourself into a coma

Upon graduation, our newly minted Ninja/Rock Stars are fully prepared to take on meaningful leadership positions in organizations such as Goldman Sachs, Tesla, Facebook, and Apple. They will also regularly drop blazing hot tracks, and sow seeds of confusion and despair in the hearts of their sworn enemies.

Guy dressed as a ninja playing guitar on stage

It’s all part of the job!

Sample Academic Schedule for First-Year Students

Fall Semester – Introduction to Ninjutsu

  • Espionage, Sabotage, Infiltration and Assassination (3 credits)
  • Way of the Koga (3 credits)
  • Darts, Throwing Stars, Spikes and Knives: Practical Applications (3 credits)
  • Bakemuno-Jutsu: The Ghost Technique (3 credits)
  • Creative Writing (3-credit elective)

Spring Semester – Rockstardom: Theory and Practice

  • Sex (3 credits)
  • Drugs (3 credits)
  • Rock-n-Roll (3 credits)
  • Riffing, Shredding, Feedback and Whammy Bars: Deconstructing the Guitar Solo (3 credits)
  • Feuding with Taylor Swift (3-credit elective)

What Our Students are Saying

“My academic mentor and ninja, Fujimura Sensei, has been extraordinarily encouraging as I’ve progressed through the program. The fact that he’s personally killed more than 76 Yamaguchi-gumi henchmen without leaving even the slightest trace is just incredibly inspiring. And he’s shown an amazing dedication to helping me learn to do the same.”
-Brandi Watson, Class of 2019

“As part of my advanced ‘Rock-n-Roll Lifestyle’ seminar, several students and I got to meet with Marilyn Manson at his home in Palm Springs. We spent the entire afternoon doing whippits and eating jalapeño poppers. I left with a far greater appreciation and understanding of what’s in store for me as a future rock star.”
-Clive Peterson, Class of 2018

“Beyond the classroom learning, the hands on experiences I’ve enjoyed through this program have been exceptional. As part of a guided summer internship, I infiltrated the Plaza Hotel undetected, breached room 1107, slit the throat of a notorious Yakuza crime boss, and then slipped away into the shadows, much like a ghost. That’s something I can speak to directly in an interview setting, and I’m convinced it’s going to give me an important edge.”
-Betsy Wickoff, Class of 2019

“Thanks to this amazing program at Franklin Morse, I landed my dream job at Google! Also, my death metal band, Virginal Corpse, is totally blowing up. Also, Heikichi Tokuda, if you are reading this, you will not know the time nor the place, but I am coming for you and all of your clan.”
-Theresa “Tay” Collins, Class of 2017


Applications are now being accepted for Spring 2019. Admissions are highly competitive, so we encourage prospective students to apply early.




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