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Fake News

Please Insert Your Chip Into The Card Reader



Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Card not read.
Please re-insert your chip into the card reader.
Card not read.
Please re-insert your chip into the card reader.
Card not read. Please swipe your card.
This card contains a chip. Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Processing…
Error. Please remove your card and then re-insert into the card reader.

Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Please wait…
Card not read. Tap with your phone to use Apple Pay.
Now, untap to un-use Apple Pay, then pull out your card. Use your phone to open our app, then scan. This will give you your rewards points. Use the reward points to create a feeling.
Please re-insert your card.
Success. The purchase has been charged to Apple Pay.

Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Wait for instructions on the screen of the card reader.
Continue to wait for instructions.
Remove your card. Un-read the instructions. Unlearn your PIN. Unlearn everything. Call your bank and say that you know nothing, and ask them for your PIN. Wait for your PIN.
Re-insert your chip into the card reader.
Please swipe now.

Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Card not read.
Remove your card. Insert the card into another card reader. Insert the card into a paper shredder. A mouth. Your mouth. Eat the card. Eat the card reader. Digest the card reader. Digest capitalism. Digest commerce.
Come back with the app at 3 PM today to get double rewards points.

Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Enter your PIN. Enter your phone number, and now your zip code. Enter your partner’s Social Security Number and a link to their Facebook profile. Have your partner walk barefoot to bring you their card and insert it into the chip reader at the same time. Card accepted, but are you CERTAIN you can afford this purchase?
Are you certain of anything?
Enter your email address.

Please insert your chip into the card reader. Please please insert your card. Please please please. Please society. Please the machine. Chip card chip card chip card chip—NO! Reject the machine. Give birth to a Teletubby doll. Give birth to a new politic. Give birth to a daughter. Raise your daughter. Have her insert the card into the chip reader. Have her sing a song. Call the song “The Song Of The Chip Reader.” Sing the song wherever you seek to make a purchase.

Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Start a new bank account in the Cayman Islands. It’s nice there. The white beaches, the boating. Frolicking with stingrays. Making love. Allowing yourself to be…transformed. When you return, re-insert your card, then swipe the other card from the Cayman account. Enter your pin. Then delete all your information and leave the country for good. Your transaction has been canceled. But maybe…your life has just begun…

Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Tap the screen. Sign the screen. Tap the app. Delete the app. Delete your phone. Delete the card. Delete the chip card reader. You’re in the vacuum now. Time and space are meaningless. The card has been inserted, will be inserted, the chip will be read by the card reader, has been read by the card reader, has been accepted, has been declined. All possibilities exist simultaneously. Please remove your card. The transaction is incomplete / complete. Yes. Yes!!! YES!!!

Please insert your chip into the card reader.
Honestly, today can you just use cash?
This is a Starbucks, and its Wednesday.


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