Hi, everybody! My name is Uncle Frankie, and I live with my wacky-but-lovable family in the beautiful suburbs! Most of my days are full of hijinks and craziness, like when I went on two dinner dates at once, or when my cousin was planning my surprise party but I thought she was a government assassin. Every day is a different, crazy situation, but our problems always seem to work out in the end.
When I woke up this morning, though, things were different. I think I’m trapped in a Very Special Episode. I first noticed things were off when I stopped hearing the mysterious laughter that always seems to follow me everywhere. The world was weirdly silent.
Sure, there were a few chuckles, and the familiar “aww” sound after my baby nephew put a spaghetti bowl on her head, but things just didn’t seem the same.
Maybe I should just crack jokes like usual. I mean, everybody loves my catchphrase: “What in the WORLD?”
Then my niece Maisy came into the living room—where we all spend most of our time—and she started acting strangely. She yelled at her parents, and instead of laughter, we heard a strange “ooooh” sound. Her dad sent her to her room, but she freaked out and ran away. That’s when I realized: she’s hooked on diet pills.
I’ve never been trapped in a Very Special Episode before, and I honestly don’t know what to do.
I usually make jokes about being a ladies’ man or always wearing leather jackets, but now I have nothing to say. No one is laughing, and everyone in my family keeps talking about anorexia. It’s weird.
I want to leave the living room and go somewhere else, but I don’t know where to go. What’s out there? I mean, outside of this house? Sure, I’ve been to various Italian restaurants and supermarkets (and one time we went to Disneyland), but I always end up back in this living room.
Maybe I should just sit back and wait for Maisy to realize that anorexia is bad. Maybe I should start a hobby. (I’ve heard that people have hobbies, but I don’t really have any interest in anything except my leather jackets.) Maybe I should just crack jokes like usual. I mean, everybody loves my catchphrase: “What in the WORLD?”
I think I’ll just hunker down and wait this out.
Oh no. My brother Lawrence is asking me for my opinion about anorexia! What should I do? Crap. Crap.
I guess I can just make up a story about an ex-girlfriend who died of anorexia. I’ve never talked about this person before, and I probably won’t mention her again, but it seems like the right thing to say. Here it goes…
A dramatic monologue. I’ve never done one of these before. This feels weird.
There’s that swelling music again. That means it’s time to hug. I’m fine with that.
Well, seems like Maisy isn’t anorexic anymore. So the Very Special Episode is almost over. Good. I hope that doesn’t happen again.
Oh crap. Everybody’s looking at me. They’re expecting me to say something funny. What should I say?
There’s only one right answer: “What in the WORLD?”
Everybody laughs. Things are finally back to normal. At least until one of Maisy’s friends has a drinking problem.