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Fake News

Most Americans Have Fewer Than 5 Hobbies Saved For Retirement

WASHINGTON—Encouraging those in their twenties to invest their time into extra leisure activities such as bocce ball every month, a new report revealed Tuesday that a majority of Americans have fewer than five hobbies saved up for retirement. “After working life ends, an individual needs, on average, 10 hobbies to live comfortably and meaningfully. However, according to our findings, roughly two-thirds of all U.S. citizens reach age 65 with only gardening, basic woodworking, and card games to fill their hours,” said lead researcher Robert Wallach, noting that many retirees find themselves exhausting the potential of their activities within the first five years, ultimately making do with walks in the park, stilted phone calls to friends, and miscellaneous unguided puttering. “Unfortunately, what happens is that young people tend to overestimate their side-interest-management skills while simultaneously underestimating their importance, and as a result are left with barely anything to do in their golden years beyond reading. This is, of course, nowhere near enough for the average American to get by on, which is why we recommend putting your resources into, say, fishing and painting as early as possible.” The report also suggested that retirees often found themselves in short supply of hobbies due in part to the American tendency to blow through everything they deem interesting during their twenties and thirties.


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