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Fake News

More Trump Tell-All Books to Hit the Shelves Soon!

Look for these soon-to-be-released tell-all books.

The Threat, tell-all booksIf nothing else, Donald Trump’s presidency will be remembered for its record number of tell-all books from administration insiders. The recent offering from former Deputy Director Andrew McCabe is just the latest in a series of Trump exposés, including books by James Comey, Sean Spicer, Anthony Scaramucci, Cliff Sims and Omarosa. As publishers dig deeper and deeper for new authors, look for these soon-to-be-released titles:

The Outer Circle by Albert Luchs

This briefly awaited, largely unanticipated memoir from career bureaucrat Albert Luchs promises even less than it delivers. As the Second Assistant Deputy Undersecretary of the Interior, Luchs was a trusted member of President Trump’s outer circle. Although he never met directly with the President or with anyone who might have met with someone who met with the President, Luchs was nevertheless privy to an extraordinary amount of previously classified government information. Unfortunately, none of it was even remotely interesting.

A Little Off the Top by Paul “Clippers” Peterson

Longtime White House barber Paul Peterson blows the lid off hirsute care in the Trump Administration. Peterson not only describes the preferred hairstyles of such top officials as John Bolton, Stephen Miller and Mick Mulvaney, he also tells all when it comes to hair care for President Trump. Breaking the longstanding “barber-president” privilege, the First Clipper reveals the elaborate engineering involved in creating the President’s pompadour including detailed drawings of the steps involved.

The Nineteenth Hole by Bill “Fore!” Head

Recently retired Mar-a-Lago presidential caddie Bill Head has penned his life story including shocking details of his countless rounds of golf with Donald Trump. Head blows the lid off the myth that the President is a scratch golfer. “I know it may be hard to believe,” writes the septuagenarian bag bearer. “But President Trump cheats…..a lot!”

The Circular File by Terry Jones

Mr. Jones served as Oval Office janitor for the last six presidents going all the way back to Ronald Reagan. Known for his discretion and stain-removing abilities, Jones was also an opportunistic packrat as he saved the daily contents of the Oval Office wastebasket for the last thirty-five years. Although past presidents left all kinds of written material behind each day, the current president’s wastebasket reportedly contained nothing but unopened presidential briefings and Big Mac wrappers.

Sacré Cordon Bleu! by Marcel Soupçon

Cordon bleu chef Marcel Soupçon details his six-week stint as White House chef for President Trump. Although initially frustrated by Mr. Trump’s lack of appreciation for haute cuisine, Chef Soupçon grudgingly came to master both the grilling arts and the takeout phone number for the local McDonald’s on 17th Street NW thereby earning him the affectionate nickname “Frenchie” from the President.

On Autopilot by Captain Chuck Sullivan

First Pilot Chuck Sullivan captained the presidential helicopter for the first two years of the Trump presidency. Although Captain Sullivan was privy to high level conversations between the President and all manner of Cabinet members and world leaders, his book has little of substance to report due to the high noise level within the presidential copter. As noted in the foreward to his memoir, Sullivan regrets that he never learned to read lips.

My First White House by Melania Trump

In keeping with the tradition of children’s books penned by first ladies, Melania Trump has written her own children’s book detailing her stint in the White House. Sadly, the fact that the First Lady has spent little time there means that she was unable to provide much insight into the workings of the presidential residence. Echoing the late W. C. Fields, Ms. Trump reportedly said: “On the whole, I’d rather be in New York City.”

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David Martin

David is a writer of political satire and short humor and his work has appeared in most major North American newspapers, including the New York Times, the Washington Post and the Chicago Tribune. He has also been published in various magazines including Newsweek, Smithsonian Magazine and Funny Times.

David Martin

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