Homepage / Fake News / Mar-a-Lago Tax Prep Inc. - David Martin, Humor Times
Beyoncé Releases Surprise Live Album Neutrogena Calls For Worldwide Cleansing In Effort To Attain Facial Purity ‘Boating World Magazine’ Giving Live Updates As Its Team Of Reporters Reads All Of Mueller Report The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report You’re Far Too Dumb To Be Reading The Mueller Report Yourself North Korea Tests Out New Knife In Smaller Escalation Of Threats To U.S. Weekend No. 19 in the County Jail ‘Mayor Pete’ Buttigieg Joins 2020 Race What Is the Worst Tattoo to Get? List: 7 Cactuses Who Could Beat the Golden State Warriors Barr Releases Catatonic Mueller After Removing All Sensitive Material From Special Counsel’s Brain Dressing Room Curtain Tested For Vulnerabilities There An Adult Superstore Off Exit 16 The Girl of My Dreams Was a Paid Advertisement Light Beer Healthiest Food Option At Stadium Game Boy Turns 30 Cinnabon Defends $800 Million Contract To Manufacture Pastries For Saudi Arabia Charlize Theron Is ‘Shockingly Available’ and Waiting for Someone to ‘Step Up’ and Ask Her Out – YEAH, RIGHT!!! Sony Scores Big Win For PlayStation 5 After Poaching Yoshi From Nintendo With 10-Year $400 Million Contract The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Vice President Joe Biden Investigators Trace Cause Of Notre Dame Fire To Cathedral’s Outdated 12th-Century Electrical System Dems’ White Man Problem – Will Durst, Humor Times Sony Reveals First PlayStation 5 Details Steve Kerr Reminds Warriors To Seem Sad DeMarcus Cousins Injured Beyond Meat Researchers Announce Creation Of Fully Conscious, Plant-Based Veal Calf Fenta-Nil Sloths Risk Death When They Poop RE: The Restless Dead Haunting the Office Pete Buttigieg Stuns Campaign Crowd By Speaking To Manufacturing Robots In Fluent Binary Leveling Up (with Satine Phoenix) ‘Game Of Thrones’ Season 8 Premieres Lazy Minor League Promotion Just ‘Baseball Night At The Stadium’ Paul Manafort Starts New Job Lobbying Prison Guards On Behalf Of Aryan Brotherhood List: Things I, A Super Progressive White Man, Am Willing to Forgive Beto O’Rourke Be the Housesitter: Mitski’s Housesitting Instructions Trump Vows to Restore Workplace Harassment Your Horoscopes — Week Of April 16, 2019 Friend Has Some Jerky In Clear, Unlabeled Bag For You To Try My Healthcare Plan is to be Buried in an Ancient Pet Cemetery Soaring Gas Prices Forcing More Americans To Drink Less Gas Tips For Playing ‘Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice’ Tiger Woods Wins 5th Masters Title Mom Dropped Like 80 Bucks On Some Necklace With An Owl On It At The Art Fair These Weed Names Are NOT Chill Paris Vows To Rebuild Notre Dame Despite Cosmic Absurdity Of Seeking Inherent Meaning In Fleeting Creations Of Man Notre Dame Gargoyle Going To Stay As Still As Possible Until Arson Investigator Gone 5 Things To Know About ‘The Man Who Killed Don Quixote’ List: The Recipe to Every Meal You’ll Cook in Your First Real Apartment Priest Cursed With Incredible Penis Suspicious New WikiLeaks Document Dump Exposes How Awesome And Trustworthy U.S. Government Is ‘Star Wars IX’ Trailer Released My Boyfriend Left Me for a Girl Who Sings Sensual Covers of Alternative Rock Songs on YouTube Neighbor Oblivious To Fact She Being Groomed For Cat-Sitting Jesus Christ Pushes Past Firefighter Into Burning Notre Dame To Save Beloved Relic Mar-a-Lago Tax Prep Inc. – David Martin, Humor Times Child Promised He Can Go Right Back To Video Game After Giving Dying Grandfather One Last Hug Trump Considering Releasing Detainees In Sanctuary Cities ‘Us Weekly’ Wins Pulitzer For Outstanding Achievement In Photoshopping A Rip Between Divorced Celebrity Couple Trooper of the Week [Full Episode] The Week In Pictures – Week Of April 15, 2019 A Car That Won't Play the First Song In Your Phone Man Delivery Kits for the Single Lady Ilhan Omar Disrespectfully Refers To America As ‘A Place’ Crestfallen ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Starting To Realize Series Never Going To Show Dragons Fucking Dog A Pervert In Ways Owner Will Never Know List: Thank You for Calling the IRS, Please Listen Closely, As Our Menu Options Have Changed Ideas For Mending Your Relationship With The IRS After Being Caught Cheating On Taxes Everyone's a Republican On Tax Day One Scintillating Detail You Can Share With Your Date About Each of the Books On Your Bookshelf That You Haven’t Actually Read Oh, God! It’s Not THAT Time Again Is It??? Horoscopes for Jerks: April 2019 Morlocks and Eloi (Tournament of Champions, Pt 2) Stress Treatment: A Sexy Lesbian Doctor's Orders Julian Assange Arrested In London Congratulations on the Birth of Your Child, That Will Be $765,047.04 I Am Ben Affleck’s Back Tattoo Christian Bale Loses 40 Years For Upcoming Movie Role New Report Finds Amazon May Be Listening To You Through Hardcover Copies Of Michelle Obama’s ‘Becoming’ Mueller Report To Be Released Next Week, AG Says William Barr Agrees To Release Nonverbal, Abstract Visual Representation Of Mueller Report William Barr Agrees To Release Nonverbal, Abstract Visual Representation Of Mueller Report Media Condemns Julian Assange For Reckless Exposure Of How They Could Be Spending Their Time Experts Warn Prosecuting Assange Creates Slippery Slope To Where We Already Are Nation Admits They Only Care About Freedom Of Speech For Imparting Information About ‘Star Wars’ Shit Lockheed Martin Executive Fondly Recalls Humble Beginning Dealing Arms Out Of Back Of Chrysler LeBaron Kid About To Meet Brooklyn Nets Must Not Be Very Sick Duke Anthropology Professor Devastated To Learn Promising Student Dropping Out Benefits Of Open Office Not Extended To CEO Frustrated Writer Tosses Another Crumpled-Up Laptop In Trash Can Grindr Profile Picture Day My Wife and I Are Child-Free, Todd Judge Sentences Lori Loughlin To 100 Hours Of Community Theater 5 Things To Know About BTS Plant-Based Meat Vs. Lab-Grown Meat Bigheaded People Want the Medical Recognition They Deserve Missing Boy Returns 8 Years Later as Black Woman NRA Criticizes Video Game Makers For Downplaying Portrayal Of Euphoric Rush Felt Watching Light Leave Enemy’s Eyes Astronomer Apologizes For Leaving Cherry Lifesaver On Telescope Lens Burger King Releases Meatless ‘Impossible Whopper’ 5 Biggest Unanswered Questions For ‘Game Of Thrones’ Final Season

Fake News

Mar-a-Lago Tax Prep Inc. – David Martin, Humor Times

We’re Mar-a-Lago Tax Prep Inc., and we’ve got the answers to your tax filing questions.

Have you filed your taxes yet? With the April 15th deadline having just passed, you’re probably starting to panic but relax; we’re here to help. We’re Mar-a-Lago Tax Prep Inc., and we’ve got the answers to your tax filing questions.

Mar-a-Lago Tax Prep Inc
Mar-a-Lago Tax Prep Inc.

I’m a small businessman and my business requires me to travel a lot, especially to south Florida. Can I deduct my travel expenses for income tax purposes?

Probably, yes, at least in part. But we’ve discovered an even better approach, where you don’t pay for any of those travel expenses. Just declare your home address as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and then anywhere you travel qualifies as government business and you’re off the hook.

I used to deduct significant charitable contributions on my income tax but now the IRS says I have to back up all those claims with receipts. What can I do?

You’re absolutely right but there’s no cause for concern. Simply create your own charitable foundation. Then not only can you issue your own receipts, you can also channel all kinds of financial transactions through your foundation as charitable contributions. (HANDY HINT: Set up a straw bidder at auction to buy a portrait of you with foundation funds.)

For the first time ever, I’m being audited by the IRS and I’m terrified. What should I do?

You should thank your lucky stars; that’s what. Audits take years and seldom amount to very much. On the other hand, they provide a handy excuse to not release your tax returns if some busybody Democrats should come nosing around.

Every year for years I’ve received a sizable refund from the IRS. This year, it looks like I’m going to owe them a big amount. What the heck happened?

The short answer is that a lot of people voted for our CEO, Donald J. Trump, for President. The long answer is a bit more complicated but had to do with the White House having the IRS withhold less tax at source to make it look like the average worker was benefiting bigly from a minor tax cut.

I live in New York City and I used to be able to deduct my state and local property taxes when calculating my federal income tax owing. Now there’s a $10,000 limit on that deduction. What can I do?

Since you live in New York City, we take it you didn’t vote for our boss, Mr. Trump. All we can suggest is that maybe in the future choose to live in a red state rather than a blue state and your state and local property taxes will likely be a whole lot less. Either that or get your state to vote for Mr. Trump next time and hope for a new tax break. Lesson learned?

I am a proud, longstanding member of the American middle class and I voted for Mr. Trump because he promised a big tax break for my income group. What happened?

Be patient. There were lots of big tax breaks in the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act but they initially went to the very rich like Mr. Trump which is only fair because he’s the one who came up with the idea. Most of this will eventually trickle down to you but only if you’re polite and don’t complain about your tax situation.

I notice that for the 2018 and 2019 tax years, I can deduct any medical expenses over 7.5% of my adjusted gross income rather than the previous limit of 10%. How can I take advantage of this provision?

Once you’ve got your adjusted gross income down as low as humanly possible, consider any possible “medical” procedures you might want to have done now such as hair transplants, hair weaves and Propecia infusions. (HANDY HINT: Don’t forget to set up some dynasty trusts to circumvent those nasty gift and estate taxes.)

The following two tabs change content below.

David is a writer of political satire and short humor and his work has appeared in most major North American newspapers, including the New York Times, the Washington Post and the Chicago Tribune. He has also been published in various magazines including Newsweek, Smithsonian Magazine and Funny Times.


Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish