Here’s what to expect:
Your war begins the college application process.
You fill out the FAFSA for your war.
Your war gets into Yale, just like its father, grandfather, and great-grandfather.
Your war is a C student, just like its father.
While at college, your war gets a tattoo.
While at college, your war opens a bank account.
Your war has a $1.2 trillion financial portfolio.
Your war spends all of its money in one place: the Raytheon warehouse sale.
Your war airstrikes Harvard.
Your war gets sued.
Your war sues the corporations that profited off it when it was underage.
Your war drops out of Yale to manage lawsuits.
Your war loses lawsuits.
Your war goes to jail.
The people responsible for your war do not go to jail.
Your war gets out of jail after a year because of connections.
Your war votes for the U.S. president for the first time.
Your war votes for the nominee who will keep funding it.
Your war votes for either the Democratic or Republican party.
Your war can’t find work because of its time in prison.
Your war moves back in.
Your war lays low for a couple of years.
YOUR WAR DRONE BOMBS YOUR NEIGHBOR’S CARRIAGE HOUSE.
THERE WERE PRIZE HORSES IN YOUR NEIGHBOR’S CARRIAGE HOUSE.
OH MY GOD, YOUR WAR IS DESTROYING SCHOOLS NOW.
JESUS CHRIST, WHY DID YOU LET YOUR WAR GET THIS OLD???
You give your war an ultimatum: stop bombing people or move out.
Your war moves out.
Your war can’t find work because of its frequent bombing and time in prison.
Your war enrolls in itself, like Inception.
Your war doesn’t get that reference.
Your war was nine when Inception came out.
You rekindle your relationship with your war while watching Christopher Nolan’s filmography.
Your war prefers Michael Bay movies.
You kick your war out—again.