Have you made it to your meditation cushion today? (Insert Fruit emoji correspondent to the color of your meditation cushion; combine with meditating selfie) #om
Wearing @alo’s Gypset Goddess x Aria Bra and Intention Pant, with @lululemon’s Namastay Put Hipster panties underneath (Insert Sparkles emoji)
Let go. Really, just let go. The truth will come. Sometimes a fart will come. A fart is just another kind of truth. (Insert Wind Face and Raising Hands emoji; combine with pic of Wind-Relieving Pose) #yogaeverydamnday
We women carry so much emotion in our hips. Prepare for a psoas release by building a nest of soft-knit blankets ready to receive you and your tears. I like to come down from a hip workshop with an organic acai bowl and a mindful self-care purchase from @lululemon. Can’t wait to cozy up in their Heart Opener Meditation Cloak. (Insert Folded Hands, Red Heart, and Glowing Star emojis) #thisisyoga #blessed
Your root chakra is at its peak vibration level during your moon cycle. It’s so important to slow down and listen to your body at this time of the month. I open up to the feminine with gentle movement, a 14-day juice cleanse, and a visit to my altar, which I’ve spiritualized with organic quartz, organic ylang ylang oil, organic wheatgrass, an organic lavender soy candle, and a vial of steaming organic goat’s blood. (Insert Folded Hands emoji; combine with pic of hands placed on unbloated abdomen with 15% body fat) #organicfemale #menses #vibrators
Om shanti shanti. #om #shanti #shanti
I stopped eating sugar, dairy, wheat products, processed foods, unprocessed foods, raisins, carrots, domestic grains, and Chinese honey a year ago. My practice has never been stronger. (Insert Seedling emoji; combine with pic of sculpted yoga body) #eatclean #om #hypoglycemia
Be your best self with your best butt! Booty Thug Yoga combines glute-sculpting moves at 104° F with public domain hip hop beats (damn you Notorious B.I.G. estate) so you look *hella fly* in your Lulu Wunder Under Pants. For real, this shit my new faves yoga. (Combine with pic showcasing yoga butt) #bestself #thuglyfe #yogapants
“Yoga is universal…But don’t approach yoga with a business mind looking for worldly gain.” – Sri Pattabhi Jois
Teaching a Candlelight Tantric Scuba Flow Superclass™ at 7pm tonight, hope to see all you spiritual seekers there! Bring a friend and get a discount on my new book, “I Am Goddess: A Memoir of Yoga and My Sacred-Sexual Temple.” (Insert Face Blowing a Kiss emoji; combine with close-up side-lit photo of sculpted yoga abs)
My guru doesn’t allow disciples to take his picture. Well, not without without an additional fee. So here’s a picture of an elephant, an animal that reminds me of my guru’s wisdom. So blessed by @(tagyourguru)’s class today. (Insert Folded Hands, Man Wearing Turban, and Smiling Face with Heart-Eyes emojis) #om #lovehim #sooooomuch
The light in me honors the light in your yoga pants. #yogapants
It’s so easy to forget that yoga originated in India, possibly as early as 400 BCE! Join me in this $16.8 billion (and growing! Insert Shooting Star emoji) industry on my brand-new, 42-day retreat to the motherland, “Bless Up: Down & Dirty Matwork.” You and 83 other devoted spiritual seekers will master asana, kundalini activation, and small-portion rice eating—and you’ll get minimal one-on-one time with your humble teacher (ME! Insert Face With Stuck-Out Tongue & Closed Eyes emoji) in a prana-rich group setting. BYO yoga mat. #yogaretreat #bliss #indiaiscool #yogamat
Join upcoming comedy writing, improv, & sketch classes at The Second City – 10% off with code PIC.
Check out events at The Satire and Humor Festival in NYC March 22-24.