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Lies of Biblical Proportions – Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

Lies of Biblical Proportions

Lies of Biblical Proportions: “Someday they may even have the first ‘King of Lies’ – you know, ‘The Lyin’ King’…”

‘I love you’ was the 1st lie told by the 1st man & men through the ages have tried that line over & over again until they get in our pants.

We women allow for that – but like to be told anyway.  That’s right, trust but verify.

Men say they fib not to deceive; but to make it easier on us & we women do it too.

‘You can’t handle the truth’ is as real & useful today as when Eve told Adam she was pregnant.  Sure, she could keep it to herself; but just so long…

‘What was in that Apple’, he asked.

‘I don’t know, I thought you knew’.

‘Let’s go back to the beginning & trace our steps’, she said.

‘Okay, you walked by in new leaves & one was a little askew’.

‘No, I was not asking for it’, she explained.

‘I’ll grant you that – but didn’t you touch your hair & flip it back’?

‘I don’t recall – I was watching you lift a boulder & the sweat glistened off your Abs’.

‘Abs…Smabs…you’re always making up new words.  Beats me, I was just wet’.

‘It has to do with wet, I’m sure of it.’

‘Someday someone will know exactly how this happened & will stop it – maybe with legislation‘.

‘Whatever it was – was quick, she said.  Oh & who is Betty’?

‘Beau-ty – you’re a beau-ty – that’s it’!

‘Promise you will never lie to me’.

‘Never is a long time’, he said.

‘So, I can keep the leaf – cellulite, you know’.

‘No, you didn’t look fat in that’!

‘What’?

‘I’ll…I’ll get you 5 new leaves  – what’s your size, Grape, Banana, Elephant Palm’?

‘You’re terrible at this – but someday men will have lying down to a science’.

‘You mean, without thinking’?

‘Don’t worry, by 2018 they’ll have all the kinks out.  They may even have the 1st ‘King of Lies’ – you know ‘The Lyin’ King’!

‘So, I’m like an experiment – a prototype’?

‘Yeah & I’m left with the first Catch 22’.

‘You mean there were 21 before me’?

‘Pfft, would I lie to you’?

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80’s Stand-Up Comic who started out in the DC/MD/VA area, moved to the Bay Area in Northern California and now resides in L.A. She has sold jokes to Joan Rivers, lesser lights and gag magazines, and is a screenwriter, playwright and author of non-fiction.

Marilyn Sands

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