There used to be a day when I would publicly cry over the demon Aamon critiquing the “soul-piercingly awkward” way that I apologized to waiters to tell them I needed another minute to look over the menu for the fifth time because I just couldn’t decide, when really it was because all ten of the demons who possess me wouldn’t let me feel confident in ordering the lobster mac and cheese when I knew damn well I wanted the lobster mac and cheese.
Anyway, if that internal torture doesn’t get to me, then Willem Dafoe’s stone-cold, unamused, judging stare from the audience certainly won’t phase me.
You know how the Oscars love to do a big “In Memorium” tribute? With me as host they could do away with the typical photos and video clips, and do something that could really bring people to tears, like summon their spirits on stage. What a powerful, memorable moment that would be.
Considering, that Hereditary could be nominated for several awards this year, it kind of feels like the right time to have a host like me. Very on-brand. Very of the moment. I can already imagine the gifs people would make of me and the ten demons inside of me all celebrating. My head would probably be spinning and we’d all shout something like “THANK YOU LUCIFER FOR THIS GREAT BLESSING! WE SHALL NOT FORGET WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR US!” in unison. Am I wrong, or is that not exactly the type of energy that everyone wished James Franco could’ve shown as host a few years ago?
Another thing I’ve noticed is that no matter how cool you are, or funny you are, or good at taking selfies you are, one host for the whole event can get pretty boring. That wouldn’t be a worry with me! I could just let Abaddon and Agares take over for a bit, and we’d get a totally new spin on things. They actually have great comedic timing and work really well together.
Sometimes when I can’t find anything to watch on Netflix I let them do a little two-prov. They get weird but it’s always funny.
Also, let’s be honest, a lot of Hollywood stars out there are going to want to connect with me. A lot of these people show up year after year just to watch other people accept an award they’ve wanted their whole lives.
But, after meeting me, that could all change. I know some “people” who know some “people,” if they’re willing to make a little sacrifice to meet “them.” It worked for Leo.