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Fake News

Just Say The Word, And We’ll Perform With Socks On Our Penises Again

Anthony Kiedis
Lead Vocalist, Red Hot Chili Peppers

In the Peppers’ 35 years of existence, we’ve gone through a lot of changes: guitarists, hairstyles, producers, record labels—the list goes on. What can I say? It’s been a hell of a ride, but here it is, 2018, and we’re still bringing you the funk. Through the years, we’ve never for a moment forgotten all the times we rocked out on stage with nothing but socks on our penises. In fact, we talk quite a bit about bringing that back. Which leads me to ask: Should we?

If you think so, me and the guys are 100 percent on board. Our guitar player took a little extra convincing, because he wasn’t in the band back when we did the sock thing, but once he gave it a try he was totally into it. So what do you think? Just pick up the phone or hit us up on social media if you want us to do it. I can assure you we’re all neatly groomed and as limber as we’ve ever been.

It doesn’t have to be an entire show. It could only be a few songs—whatever works for you. We’ve got some festival dates coming up in the spring, and if there was an interest in seeing us do a “Fight Like A Brave” encore wearing only socks on our dicks, we could make that happen. I’d just text our manager real quick, and he’d make the necessary arrangements.

If you’re serious, we’re serious.

It wouldn’t be the same sock as before, though. I plan on donating the original sock to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at some point, but I have a bunch just like it. We actually rehearse in penis socks every few weeks to make sure we’re still sharp. Most of our crew tends to look away—except when we need them to adjust the socks—but they understand how important it is to the band’s image, so they’re cool with it.

Let me reiterate that we won’t do anything until you guys give us the green light. The request has to come from you. For our part, we’ve been open to trying it again for a while now, but the right moment just hasn’t presented itself. Part of the reason is that since 2000 we’ve gone through some major shifts in our sound, although personally I think performing with socks dangling from our cocks works just as well whether we’re playing stuff from Mother’s Milk or Stadium Arcadium.

This could be the moment we do it again.

On the other hand, if you feel like you saw enough of that during our golden era, we get it. We don’t have to rehash the same thing. The last thing I’d ever want to do is force the issue, and I promise we would never go against the will of our fans. You guys are everything to us! If you want us to stay clothed from the waist down, we can do that. It’s all about what you want to see from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Gym socks hugging our genitals or no, we always want to provide the best concert experience possible.

Not quite ready to pull the trigger yet? Hey, that’s fine. I completely understand. We’re flexible either way. But for what it’s worth, if you were leaning “yes” and there was any lingering concern, I have it on pretty good authority we won’t be erect.

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