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Fake News

Jeffrey Dahmer Estate Releases Collection Of Never-Before-Seen Victim Remains

A recently renovated wing of Milwaukee’s Dahmer Center displays an impressive trove of the famed serial killer’s earliest works.

MILWAUKEE—Saying the newly unearthed materials would help shed light on the serial killer’s extensive oeuvre, the Jeffrey Dahmer estate held a press conference Friday during which it announced plans to exhibit victim remains never before seen by the general public.

The trove of human remnants, which reportedly consists of two freezers full of assorted bones, skin, and viscera, is said to bear all the markings of the late cannibal’s signature style. According to museum officials, it will be on display at Milwaukee’s state-of-the-art Dahmer Center beginning in October.

“Whether you’re a seasoned Dahmer aficionado or simply a casual fan of late 20th-century cannibalism, you’re sure to find something remarkable in this sizable addition to the master’s already considerable body of work,” said senior curator Alicia Dahmer-Goldstein, who noted that artifacts in the new collection date from early in Dahmer’s career but already display the inventiveness and unparalleled grasp of corpse-dismemberment techniques that would make him famous. “Fortunately, these remains were well-preserved and required only minimal restoration. In most cases, the flesh had barely even necrotized, which means viewers will be able to marvel at the original serrations and bite marks.”

“There had long been rumors of Dahmer works that disappeared or were forgotten, but we never imagined we would recover anything more than a few severed toes or perhaps a jawbone—certainly nothing of this magnitude,” Dahmer-Goldstein continued, gesturing toward a bleached ribcage, a pair of mummified hands, and a half-eaten liver. “We’re confident that visitors will find this refurbished collection every bit as vibrant and captivating as they would have on the day these bodies were first desecrated.”

Estate officials confirmed the 20,000-square foot Dahmer Center will exhibit the majority of the newfound objects in a recently renovated wing where they can be viewed alongside the famed necrophiliac’s other works. The items will be displayed in darkened, low-temperature rooms in order to prevent further deterioration, they said, and will be presented alongside quotes from police reports and large-screen projections of Dahmer’s iconic Polaroids, which show the cadavers in various stages of dissection.

In addition, a few smaller pieces of intestine will reportedly be sent to the J.L. Dahmer Gallery at the murderer’s alma mater, Ohio State University. Though no admission will be charged for either exhibit, a suggested donation of $20 will be collected, with proceeds going to benefit Jeffrey’s Boys, a nonprofit that provides embalming fluid and taxidermy lessons to budding psychopaths in underserved areas.

“The real jewel of the collection is, of course, the boiled skull with dozens of inch-deep perforations above the eye sockets,” Dahmer-Goldstein said. “Lesser works, such as the partially dissolved pelvis, show the care and devotion that Dahmer brought to even his most minor victims. His method of softening but not destroying the bone would have taken hours, yet it was all part of his diligent, exacting process. Though he had already begun experimenting with the idea of creating a living sex zombie who would obey his every whim, his lack of overall thematic focus at this stage shows a nascent butcher still struggling to come into his own.”

“Of course, there are already numerous examples of his recurrent motif of amputating male genitalia and placing them in jars, which is classic Dahmer,” she added.

After a nine-month stay in Milwaukee, the exhibit will reportedly tour Illinois as part of a preexisting agreement with Chicago’s Gacy Foundation. Anticipation is already high for the new works, with the Dahmer Center receiving positive feedback from the handful of lucky visitors who were allowed to attend this week’s soft opening of the exhibit prior to October’s official unveiling.

“There have been countless serial killers over the years, but there’s only one Dahmer,” said visitor Gregory Funt, 26, showing reporters several dozen pages of unusually detailed sketches and notes he made during his time inside the gallery. “He’s always been a guiding light to kids like me growing up in the Midwest. He showed us you don’t have to live in New York or L.A. Wherever you’re from, if you have talent and tenacity, you can make your mark in history.”

“This whole trip has been so inspiring,” Funt added. “I can’t wait to try out some of Dahmer’s techniques and styles in my next big project.”

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