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The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 18, 2019 Thousands Of Students Forced To Attend Iowa State After University Sets Acceptance Rate To 140% President’s Cathartic Words Help Nation Begin To Heal Following Yet Another Senseless ‘Saturday Night Live’ God Really Dreading Visit From Older Brother Who Made Much More Successful Cosmos Trump: ‘Any Shooting Actually Inspired By Me Would Have Left Thousands Dead’ Man Wasting His Life Playing Video Games When There Whole World Of Other Screens Out There Clear Similarities Between Boeing 737 Max 8 Crashes Which of You Soulless Coworkers Ate My Slice of Cake From the Work Fridge? 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So, You Thought You Could Just Buy That Thrift Store Jacket Without Consequences? You Fool! Should The NFL Combine Get Rid Of The 40-Mile Dash? Youth Climate Strike Takes Place In Hundreds Of Countries 5 Things To Know About Beto O'Rourke How FEMA Responds To Disasters Yes, James Bond Did Disarm You With Considerable Ease, But You’re Still a Valued Member of This Organization! The Trump Players and the Roller Coaster of Spin Jazz Reminds Fans Racist, Homophobic Language Has No Place In Good Seats More Women Forgoing Taking Their Husbands’ Names In Favor Of Something Badass Like Diesel Sleeping Over for the First Time Woman’s Solo Hiking Trip Shockingly Doesn’t Have To Do With Inner Journey Or Anything Dad Wearing Some New Kind Of Headphones That Wrap Over, Under, Around Ears What Is the Best Invention That Has Yet to Be Invented? Overwhelmed New Grandparents Finally Feeling What It Like To Love A Child Japan To Put Toyota On Moon By 2029 YouTube Presents: Comment Section Classics — A New Way to Experience Music Piece Of Shit Whom Everybody Hates Assures Himself It All In His Head Le’Veon Bell Stipulates Jets Contract Must Contain Immediate-Trade Clause Sceintists Eradicate Rubella, Bring Back Spanish Flu World Wide Web 30 Years Old Dog Feels Like He Always Has To Be ‘On’ Around Family Beto O’Rourke Announces He Starting Obama Cover Campaign Thousands of Middle Class Americans Storm Mexican Border Seeking Better Life Antonio Brown Buys Pittsburgh Billboard To Thank Antonio Brown For Putting Up With City Open Carry: Canada vs U.S. California Halts Death Penalty Trump 2020 Budget Includes Plan to Cut Entitlements by Shooting Elderly and Infirm 2020 Presidential Candidate Pete Buttigieg Announces Bold Plan For 2,500-Mile Intercontinental Riverwalk Rahm Emanuel Breaks Ground On New Jason Van Dyke Police Academy ‘C’mon, C’mon,’ Says Matt Damon Desperately Searching For Own Name On List Of IMDB User Dolphinsoul60’s Top 100 Actors Butcher the National Anthem for $2,000 Welcome to Nextdoor Fight Club, Where You Must Turn Every Topic into a Fight Responsible Gym Member Makes Sure To Wipe Down Personal Trainer After Workout Anti-Vaxxer Movement By The Numbers Tennis Instructor Mentoring Young Player Sees Potential In Parents’ Income Experts Recommend Changing Batteries In Smoke Detector Every 6 Fires Concerning the “Automated Boudoir Companion” I Purchased From Your Catalog 5 Things To Know About Andrew Yang Experts Warn There No End In Sight For Venezuela Blackouts 50 Charged In College Admissions Bribing Scandal It’s Not Socialism; It’s What the People Want ‘Cops’ Turns 30 Religious Conservatives Argue Adam And Eve Would Never Have Been Banished From Eden If They’d Had Guns Guy Fieri as a Jeff Buckley Song Unsettling Study Finds Second Cousins Technically Fair Game Just Go Ahead And Tell Yourself Bribery Is The Only Reason You Didn’t Get Into Columbia Husband Buys Wife Tickets To See Singer She Wants To Fuck List: The Hidden Messages in Various Albums If You Play Them Backwards Early Warning Signs Your Workers Are Trying to Unionize Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 12, 2019 Man Playing ‘Battlefield V’ Has Now Spent More Of Life Fighting Nazis Than Grandfather Did USC Insists Lori Loughlin’s Daughter Was Admitted Solely Based On Socioeconomic Background Trump Complains About Overly Complicated Controls Needed To Operate Modern-Day Doors China Grounds All 737 Max 8 Planes Following Crash Nation’s Flag Nerds Anxiously Watching D.C. Statehood Push Giants Consider Drafting Quarterback To Mentor Eli Manning New Iowa Poll Finds Majority Of Democrats Would Vote For Candidate Named ‘Bobby Cheeseburger’ Stranded on the North Pole Easy Steps to Getting Your Pre-Baby Body Back Before Leaving the Hospital 5 Things To Know About ‘Queer Eye’ Season 3 Butterfly Under Immense Pressure Not To Fuck Up Timeline With Misplaced Wing Flap We Didn’t Start The Choir New York’s Chrysler Building Selling At 80% Discount Democracy Dies in Darkness (Including in the Shadow of our Paywall) The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 11, 2019 Recovering Alcoholic Pissed He Hit Rock Bottom Before Craft Beer Boom DNC To Avoid Primary Debates On Fox Dress That Would Have Forever Altered Course Of Woman’s Life Patted, Placed Back On Rack U.S.-Backed Forces In Syria Begin Attack On Final ISIS Encampment Dirk Nowitzki Shatters Backboard Glass With Powerful Soprano Singing Voice Tucker Carlson Spends Entire Show Screaming Over Child Bride He Invited On To Debate Him 5 Things To Know About The Orchids Of Asia Day Spa Controversy Choni Francis on Vernon "Mad Max" Maxwell CBS Sitcoms Under Fire For Using Prison Laughter I'm Comfortable, Not Soft

Fake News

Items that the Hip, Gentrifying Café Sells


Are you attending a birthday party, a Christmas Dinner, or a Bar Mitzvah? Bread & Writer café does not want you to own something that is a little bit (sorry to use the “m” word) mainstream!

At Bread & Writer, innovation, affordability, and practicality are the biodegradable fuel that drives our café’s engine, which is clean-energy of course!

Pictures of People on Holidays
Cost: $90/piece

Instead of selling holiday packages, Bread & Writer has decided to sell pictures of people on holiday. Why travel like most people when you can just live vicariously through these photos? Do you want to go to Bali for a Julia Roberts’s Eat Pray Love holiday? We got that! Or do you just want to head down to Los Angeles like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? We have that too! Maybe you simply want to “discover yourself” in New York like in the film Runaway Bride, with Julia Roberts. We got you! Remember, not all who stare into holiday photos are lost…

Extra-Powered Coffee Beans
Cost: $120/bag

Bread & Writer loves coffee! However, mainstream places only help you to stay physically awake. Bread & Writer helps you to stay awake both physically and intellectually! For every purchase of our coffee beans, you are required to read all Judith Butler’s works! Then, indulge yourself in writing a 10,000-word thesis on a deadline. Each packet of coffee comes with the very generous amount of 3 coffee beans.

A Hardcover Mandarin Book On Baby’s Boy Names Under Mao Zhe Dong’s Regime
Cost: $88.88

Why be mainstream parents and settle for a name like John or Peter? Name your son after a Chinese person suffering under an oppressive regime! Grab a copy now and give your son a name that you cannot pronounce! Childless? Fret not! This book will make a perfect gift for your token Chinese friend.

Les Misérables Puzzle
Cost: $99

Bread & Writer offers the complete Les Misérables puzzle set! Not the movie poster, the novel itself! Instead of just reading the book, you get to construct the entire novel from scratch, all 1,400 pages! Many hours of fun!

Non-Metal Recyclable Straws
Cost: $175

Recycling is key at Bread & Writer. However, metal does not cut it for us because it is prone to rustiness! So, we have created a straw made from bricks. Can brick rust? And ask yourself which pig was the most successful in building his house? Purchase this straw today and bring it anywhere you want! To ensure portability, this straw only weighs 44 pounds.

A Coin Purse
Cost: $100

Many coin purses are bulky and heavy so we have decided to eliminate that by having our purse to hold just ONE coin. This coin purse is beautifully made from cloth and added with a final touch of a beautiful quote, “treat yo’ self.” Use this purse and “treat yo self” to the finer things in life! Some customers might be asking, “why is this coin purse and all of your items so expensive?” Great question!

“This Is America” Single CD Without the Music
Cost: $35

Inspired by French philosopher Roland Barthes’s idea that the birth of reader must be at the cost of the death of the author. Bread & Writer has taken the liberty to remove the lyrics and beat of this political anthem. In this 10-second-long track, we will provide you a purely visceral and alternative listening experience with just gunshot sounds. Now, what does this song really mean?

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