Homepage / Fake News / Introducing "Tinder For Kids!" - CollegeHumor Post
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Fake News

Introducing “Tinder For Kids!” – CollegeHumor Post


We here at the Tinder family are extremely proud of how our humble app has brought together countless adult couples – we’ve revolutionized the way love works in the modern age, but there’s still one demographic yearning for special connections that has been (until now) unable to take advantage of Tinder: kids.

We saw that Facebook launched Messenger Kids, and it inspired us to take a harder look at what we were doing. Kids want love just as much as anyone – they have budding romantic impulses for the first time, but have been stuck with archaic methods like handing a letter to Susie Ortzman to pass along to Alyssa Rothchild to see if she likes you or LIKE-likes you. And that simply isn’t fair. Which is why we’re proud to announce Tinder For Kids.


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Let’s face facts: young kids will begin exploring romance too, and right now they’re left entirely on their own to figure that out. And the results are complicated and messy – awkward note passing, accusations of having cooties, scribbling the crush’s name in your notebook over and over, and trying to sit next to them on the bus during field trips. Wouldn’t you feel better if kids could deal with their romantic anxiety the same way adults do – by mindlessly flipping through potential partners on semi-anonymous apps with the intent of giving themselves a small ego boost but ultimately coming away disappointed and disillusioned? We know we would.


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Children might still have heady notions like “romance” and “chemistry” dancing around in their minds when it comes to love, and we need to squash that as quickly as possible so they don’t enter adulthood with any false impressions of how the world works.

  • No more taking more than a second to consider someone as a human being – they are nothing more than a profile picture that you instantly swipe left on if they don’t meet whatever specific set of aesthetic criteria you’ve subconsciously decided is your standard.
  • No more exploring relationships through acquaintanceship, then friendship, and then possibly more – all meetings are decided by text messages where both parties are keenly aware of how many of them want to hook up immediately, how many of them would rather just grab a drink (and THEN go hook up that night), and how many of them already regret the conversation within the first 5 messages.

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People are looking for nudes, the choice between the instant gratification of hookups or an abrupt end to the conversation, spambots, and anything in-between just to briefly have the fantasy of escaping the brutal loneliness of their empty lives for just a moment. Let’s bring kids in on the secret too – romance is dead, and the thing that replaced it is something ominously dark.

Tinder For Kids

“Destroying the idyllic conception of romance for ages 6-12!”






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