Homepage / Fake News / Ink-Splattered Trump Boys Counter Media Bias By Hand-Printing Own Newspaper In White House Basement
Female Brains More Youthful Than Male Ones An Open Apology From Fred Durst, Who Did Not Mean to Do it All for The Nookie Yosemite Expands Lodging Accommodations With New Log Cabin High-Rises Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Criticized For Preventing 25,000 New York Evictions Chinese Man Worried You Can’t Have Respectful Debate About How Amazing Government Is Anymore Climatologists Find Pitchers And Catchers Reporting Further South Every Spring Mass Invasion Of Polar Bear Forces Russian Islands To Declare Emergency Trump Base Celebrates President For Standing Up To Constitution Trump Offers Clear, Historical Precedent For Deploying U.S. Military With No Provocation Just Pretend It's a Laser Ann Coulter Attacks Trump For Cowardly Backing Down From Full On Race War Meet Cute with a Ghost Beached Whale Trying To Hold On Until Sea Levels Rise What the Fuck is Wrong With You? Chef Justice Luigi Vespucci Issues Spicy Dissent On Puttanesca V. Arrabiata Tumor-Covered Chester Cheetah Apologizes For Role In Marketing Dangerously Cheesy Cheetos To Children Pros And Cons Of Salary Transparency List: What Your Sign Says About the Bear That’s Going to Eat You NYPD Deploys New Line Of Plain Clothes Cop Cars Warnings about My Small Town from a Local Intellectual Congress Reaches Tentative Deal For Border Security Deal Man Hoping Girlfriend Doesn’t Notice Valentine’s Day Gift Came From Gas Station Man Worried Experiences Of Cancun Trip Far Too Complex To Be Conveyed Through Single Keychain Sighing Banksy Methodically Kills Another Few Kids Who Stumbled Upon Him Doing Graffiti Meals On Wheels Volunteers Deliver Body Chocolate, Edible Underwear To Seniors Shut In On Valentine’s Day ‘Wait, Mr. Bezos, You Forgot Your Tax Subsidy!’ Says Andrew Cuomo Running Behind Limo Nation Celebrates Valentine’s Day Elliott Abrams Defends War Crimes As Happening Back In The ’80s When Everyone Was Doing It Annoying YouTube Algorithm Not Letting Man Forget Single Time He Watched 14 Hours Straight Of Hitler Speeches El Chapo Given Life Sentence Leeches, Exes, and Loans [Full Episode] I Was Going to Do Dry January But Then I Was Kidnapped by a Band of Pirates Boss Makes Lipstick Prints On Paychecks For Valentine’s Day Maybelline Announces It Will Stop Testing New Products On Unsuspecting Customers In The Middle Of The Night This Actually Good News, Contractor Reveals, Because Now You Know The Real Problem List: 10 Male Variants of “Resting Bitch Face” Tips For Enjoying Valentine’s Day If You’re Single Woman Wakes Husband Up On Valentine’s Day With Hot Surprise Blowtorch The Galentine’s Day Massacre | Points in Case ‘Deep State’? Or Is It More Likely a ‘Deep Oligarchy’? The State of the Union Aftermath A Bountiful Harvest Takes Work Authorities Swiftly Announce 1,600 Washington Dairy Cows Found Mutilated, Arranged In Pentagram Killed By Blizzard Spacecraft Travel From All Over Galaxy To Honor End Of Opportunity Rover’s Life Timeline Of Artificial Intelligence Sensei’s Assistant Really Getting His Ass Whipped Free to a Good Home: Adorable Dog, Absolutely Nothing Wrong with Him (Eats Dogs) Suicide Rates Falling Worldwide ‘National Geographic’ Increases Ideological Diversity By Hiring First Anti-Tree-Frog Writer List: Updated NASCAR Rules Explained Never Thought I’d Say This, But I, John Wick, Would Like More Gun Control Falling Suicide Rates Leave Researchers Baffled Your Horoscopes — Week Of February 12, 2019 Heart On Vaccinations Soar By 500% In Measles Outbreak County Nation Horrified To Discover Cory Booker Already A Senator Plummeting Insect Numbers Could Cause Collapse Of Ecosystems Trump Invites Supporter, BBC Cameraman To Finish Altercation At White House Congress Agrees To $1.3 Billion For Protective Border Fencers Angry, Ranting Twitter User Really Needs To Move Out Of Parents’ Basement Where the Hell are All the Snowmen? 5 Things To Know About Amy Klobuchar Rock, Paper, Stabbing Contest Parasitic Space Worm Controlling Mark Kelly’s Body Announces Arizona Senate Bid Ultrasound Technician Asks Pregnant Woman If She’d Like To Know Baby’s Name Character Witness Told He Doesn’t Have What It Takes To Be Star Witness Why People Are Fascinated By True Crime Stories Things @fuckjerry Stole From Me Get the New Khloe Kardashian Look for Just 250K! It’s About Time – fancy pants , Humor Times The White House is Looking for a ‘Few Good Cartoonists’ Historical Valentines – David Martin, Humor Times Lazy Poor Person Has Never Earned Passive Income From Stock Dividends A Day In His Life Amy Klobuchar Pledges To Fight Everyday Americans Amazon Reconsidering New York HQ After Backlash Ilhan Omar Thankful For Colleagues Educating Her On Painful History AIPAC Lobbyists Have Had To Endure LeBron And Lakers Hoping Horrible Series Of Failed Betrayals Brings Them Closer As Team Owen Robinson on Bill "Spaceman" Lee Family Unsure Why Grandmother’s Caregiver Seems Like He Actually Enjoys Spending Time With Her It’s Me, Good Ol’ Michael-Joe Moderate, Here to Critique These Lefty Ladies Before I Deign to Enter the Race Survey Finds Many Gamers Never Finished ‘Red Dead Redemption 2’ Kidnapper or Scam Call? Pentagon Allocates $600,000 For Actual Gun Used In ‘Scarface’ The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 11, 2019 List: Ready-to-Use Instagram Copy for the Contemporary American Female Yogi Today’s the Day We Finally Fulfill Those Resolutions! Kelsey Djupstrom on Lizzy Yarnold President Orders National Guard To Begin Work On Giant Cheeseburger A Tale of Two Evenings The Family in “A Quiet Place” was Actually Afraid of Noise Pollution, Not Monsters Straight-Acting Who Cares About Heart? I Invented a Time Machine and, No, I Can’t Kill Hitler Smoking: The Cool-Looking Solution to Climate Change Couple Duetting ‘Suddenly Seymour’ At Karaoke Bar Probably Gonna Fuck Like Animals After This Promise Kept: Donald J Trump – Just The Enema America Needs Myth Vs. Fact: Wine Trump Loots America: Before the Fall Sentimental Old Founder Renames Company J.D. Power And Friends We Predict Who Will Watch The Grammys This Sunday

Fake News

Ink-Splattered Trump Boys Counter Media Bias By Hand-Printing Own Newspaper In White House Basement


Eric Trump carefully fact-checks an upcoming story while Donald Trump Jr. adds extra facts to an article.

WASHINGTON—While using brightly colored magic markers to write articles in a makeshift bullpen deep beneath the White House, an ink-splattered Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. said Wednesday they had made it their mission to fight bias in the mainstream media by hand-printing their own newspaper.

According to the brothers, the inaugural issue of their paper, called The Trump Boy Times, covers the most pressing issues of the day, with front-page stories such as “The Time Dad Saved The Country In Porko Reeco From A Hurricane” and “Dad Again Tops List Of 100 Best American Pretzeldents.” Though fingerprints and smudges rendered much of the text unreadable, the content inside the paper appeared to include obituaries of “dumb Democrats” the boys wished were dead and a comic strip depicting the misadventures of a character called Little Eric.

“When we heard the stuff those mean news jerks were talking about, we knew we had to find a way to get a whole bunch of the actual truth out there,” said Eric Trump, who held up a copy of the issue to show how hard he had worked to decorate its construction-paper pages with stickers and glitter, continuing on with the project even after a misapplication of rubber cement resulted in his hand being stuck to a table for more than an hour. “Unlike those lying germalists [sic], when we make up the news, we don’t use any bias. We are doing lotsa good work.”

“After all, President Dad is counting on us!” Eric added.

Reports within the executive residence confirmed the Trump boys were going through two packs of candy cigarettes a day as they sat in an unused closet illuminated only by their Vtech Spin and Learn Color Flashlight, transcribing notes they had written on their hands during a “top-secret meeting” with Ben Carson. White House sources confirmed the brothers cornered the Housing and Urban Development secretary in the West Wing and peppered Carson with questions about how much bigger and louder America’s bombs were than North Korea’s.

With the first issue’s publication fast approaching, sources said production had come to a screeching halt early Tuesday, when Don Jr. yelled, “Stop the presses!” after Eric hit him on the arm for saying the younger brother wasn’t old enough to be the newspaper’s editor. The boys then reportedly began wrestling as they argued over whether to lead the edition with the story about their dad being the number-one president of all time or an exclusive headlined “No Moore Choccccolate Milk In White Howse Cafurteria.” The tense editorial meeting reportedly came to an abrupt conclusion once Eric started crying after being placed into a headlock.

Later, while touting The Trump Boy Times as “the only place to get the real story that probably happened,” Don Jr. and Eric were seen distributing the half dozen handmade copies they had finally produced to the first people they encountered in the halls of the White House, including a Secret Service agent, two West Wing interns, Melania Trump, and a butler who brought them a snack after they complained about running out of graham crackers.

Deeming their project a success, the brothers were soon overheard planning the launch of a Trump Boys TV news channel, and after climbing inside a large cardboard box with a hole cut out of the front, they spent much of the afternoon interviewing their favorite action figures and asking them why people spread so many lies about their dad.

“Now that we’re on the beat, there will finally be a paper that runs real news about Dad,” Don Jr. said while taking a break from penning a statement from the newspaper’s editorial board urging the president to let his sons stay up until 8:30 p.m. and eat ice cream. “It’s been super tough trying to get the story. Sometimes you have to camp out underneath the Resolute desk for a whole hour, and sometimes Eric has to keep going to the press briefings every day even though Sarah Sanders never calls on him. But no matter what, we always get the scoop.”

“I bet we’ll get a Publisher’s Surprise [sic] for this,” he added.

At press time, sources reported President Trump was throwing a wadded-up newspaper at the boys and telling them to get out of his office.




Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish