Homepage / Fake News / I Am the Best Neopets Player in All of Neopia
Signs Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl May Be Less Of A “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” And More Of A “Depression Meal At Walmart” Mars Rover Finds Newspaper Warning Of Dire Effects Of Climate Change The Week In Pictures – Week Of October 15, 2018 Washington Supreme Court Strikes Down State’s Death Penalty Grandma Amazed By How Fuckable Grandson Has Gotten Since She Saw Him Last Timeline Of Human Activity In Antarctica Meghan Markle Nervously Looking Over Clinic Pamphlets Weighing Her Options What Elementary School Was Like in Each Decade Elizabeth Warren Disappointed After DNA Test Shows Zero Trace Of Presidential Material Jared Kushner Likely Avoided Income Tax For Years Saudi Arabia Sends Assassins To Dismember Entire International Community In Effort To Stifle Dissent Me, Frankenstein Monster, Am Victim of Angry Mob and Me Blame George Soros Loser Woman Hasn’t Even Inspired One Bar Fight Every Negotiation Scene Ever Cows Trample Dozens Of Lobsters To Death In Escalating Surf ’N’ Turf War Horrified Nurses Discover 40-Pound Baby After Accidentally Leaving It In Incubator Over Weekend Rosie O’Donnell Admits What She Did With Her Tuba “This One Time at Band Camp” All Hallow's Grieve Donner Party Archaeological Study Finds Survivors Preferred White Meat Drawfee Presents CARTOON HELL [First Full Episode] Jack-o’-lantern Designs that Say “We’re Filing for Divorce” Humiliating: When Asked What I Wanted for My Last Meal, I Panicked and Said “Yo-Yo’s” A Sexy Fire Drill | See Plum Run Is There a Subtle Way to Ask if My Book-Club Book Has Cunnilingus in It? Stephen Hawking’s Final Paper Revealed H.P. Lovecraft Reviews His Recent Amazon Purchases by Pat Landers Woman Always Gets Best Ideas While Taking Shower With Two Jacked Dudes Should LeBron James Leave ‘Space Jam 2’ For A Movie With A Better Chance Of Winning An Oscar? Frightened Don Jr. Asks If He Can Sleep In Dad’s Bed After Bad Dream About Being Indicted Panicked Falcons Discover Scratch In Mercedes Benz Stadium This Bitter Couple Tells Us The Secret To A 3-Year, 5-Month, And 2-Week Marriage Sully Sullenberger Realizes It Too Late Now To Let Everyone Know Plane Did All That Stuff On Autopilot Bill And Hillary Clinton Announce Joint Tour Mom Hates Bad Guy In Movie This Bitter Couple Tells Us The Secret To A 3-Year, 5-Month, And 2-Week Marriage Kanye West Jumps On Massage Table To Deliver Speech About Relaxation Stop Hating My Favorite Things How to Get Past Your Baseball Team Losing in the Playoffs…Again Trump Administration Urges Saudis To Stick To Killing Random Yemeni Civilians Many States Still Relying On Outdated Methods To Disenfranchise Voters Woman Reveals She Was With Kavanaugh the Night Christine Blasey Ford Testified About Classic Chuck Norris Film “Good Guys Wear Black” to have Politically Correct Remake Movies Reviewed by Me, a Teen in the Early 2000s, Based on What I Saw Before I Started Making Out Trump Touts Ivanka's World Capitals IQ in Consideration of Her as UN Ambassador ‘Try It Now,’ Shouts Gogo Internet Technician Standing On Plane Wing While Fixing In-Flight Wireless Connection Students Who Take Latin Have Better Chance Of Summoning Demon Later In Life Mom Still Raving About Butternut Squash Ravioli She Tried 13 Years Ago Hurricane Michael Makes Landfall In Most Dangerous Storm In Florida Panhandle History ‘The Convergence Is At Hand,’ Announces Sears CEO As Employees Report To Company Headquarters In White Gowns Panicked Meteorologists Advise Entire Nation To Take Cover After Losing Track Of Hurricane Michael Leaving Neil Armstrong’s Homemade Banner Out of “First Man” Ignores that the Moon Landing was a Completely Individual Achievement Tips For Relieving Back Pain Rick Scott Orders Hurricane Michael To Evacuate From Florida 10 Ways To Come Out of The Closet The CORRECT Way An Inside Look At The Crack Marketing Team At Pornhub Salamanders Bravely Offer To Go Extinct In Place Of Better Animal What If We Made Voting Fun? Sexual Allegations Against “Slick Willie” Different Than Those Against Trump and Kavanaugh Is This Year's Giants Team An Al-Qaeda Plot Designed To Hurt New Yorkers Again? No, You Don’t Need To Worry About Trick-or-Treaters Being Given Edibles Calm, Measured Trump Hard At Work After Freak Accident Leaves Him With Railroad Spike Lodged In Skull Kim Jong-Un Wants Pope To Visit North Korea Cyborg Cops & Sci-Fi Substance Abuse | Um, Actually Obese Man Has Amazing Calves Democrats Issue Ultimatum To Donald Trump: Do Not Juggle Chainsaws ‘Can Anyone Hear Me?’ Shout Terrified Climate Scientists Frantically Waving Arms As Passersby Walk Straight Through Them ExxonMobil CEO Depressed After Realizing Earth Could End Before They Finish Extracting All The Oil Tips For Dealing With A Difficult Landlord Excerpts from the Harry Potter Series, Reprinted In The Trumpian Translation 5 Things To Know About Rachel Maddow Nikki Haley Resigns As Trump’s U.N. Ambassador Kowtow: Chinese Habit We Are Learning U.S. Public Health Service Estimates They’ll Have Tuskegee Experiment Wrapped Up By 2020 Kavanaugh Huffs and Puffs His Way to the Supreme Court [Title Blocked Until You Pledge To My Patreon] ‘We Love When Thing Taste Like Other Thing’ NFL Urges Pass Rushers To Try Reaching Peaceful Resolution With Quarterbacks Before Resorting To Tackling What's Your Worst Roommate Story? Febreze Releases New Air Horn For Covering Up Unpleasant Bathroom Sounds Taylor Swift Breaks Silence On Politics To Support Democrats There Never Been A Better Time To Buy Than Right Now Strange, Nightmarish Incident Results In Man Waking Up As Giant Kafka Taylor Swift Inspires 200 Million Fans To Register To Vote In Tennessee New Polls Increase Fears That Midterm Elections Will Be Won By Wave Of Politicians Banksy Hospitalized With Third Degree Burns After Attempting To Cash Self-Destructing Check U.N. Reports Says Humanity Has 12 Years To Avert Climate-Related Catastrophe Nikki Haley Resigns To Accept Consulting Role With Afghan Warlord Most Americans’ Retirement Plans Consist Of Hoping Their Random Junk Turns Out To Be Collector’s Item Worth Millions Zangief Blasted For Disrespectful Celebration After Fight In Spain The Beginning Begins | Fantasy High [Full Episode] Study: Nearly Half Of Anti-‘The Last Jedi’ Tweets Were Bots Advice to My Son from Beyond the Grave Excited Patient Points Out Organ He Wants From Kidney Tank In Hospital Lobby Sometimes, In My Lowest Moments, I Feel Like No One Would Even Care If I Dyed My Hair Simple Joy Of Childhood Stolen From Toddler Who Was Just Told He Can’t Touch Own Genitals At Dinner Table The Value of the Name in Politics: A Satireworld Editorial Please Insert Your Chip Into The Card Reader Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 9, 2018 Therapists Recommend Treating People Like Shit If You’re Having A Bad Day Columbus Day Protests Once Again Erupt As Nation Struggles With Its Dark, Anti-Italian Past

Fake News

I Am the Best Neopets Player in All of Neopia


I’m so good, so good at everything. The best, the best people, the best fans, the best president. Best Neopets, even. You know Neopets? The little pets online. They’re like animals, like animals in the world, but magical and on the computer. So fun, and I’m the best.

I have the most Neopoints. These Neopoints, they’re just terrific. You can buy whatever you want. I like to buy paintbrushes, these magical paintbrushes. I paint my pets every color, every color you can imagine. Christmas, candy, ghost, all the colors.

And I know all the tricks. Nobody knows the tricks better than me. I know the tricks better than, better than the creators of Neopia. They’ve told me that. Ask them, just ask them. They ask me, even, how I got so many Neopoints. But I’ll never tell, I’ll never tell them about Tombola and the Fruit Machine and Coltzan’s Shrine and the Wheel of Excitement. My secrets.

The real estate market in Neopia, I develop the land in Neopia, I have the best properties. Invest so many Neopoints in my Neohomes. But worth it, so worth it. People come from all over to look at my Neohome, to see how I live. Marshmallow walls, gold toilets. Luxury, so luxurious.

 

Sometimes people say to me, “Why don’t you give more Neopoints away at the Money Tree?” I tell them, I explain, I remind. You don’t need to feed your pets. It’s perfect. They can’t die. They just get hungry and they cry, but who cares? I don’t care. They look so cute, nobody cares if they’re hungry. And if you feel bad, and I’ve never felt bad, grab some free omelets in Tyrannia. Another one of my secrets. Never pay. Never pay for anything.

I’ll even create a new account. Cheat the system. Makes me smart, cheating. Play games in my second account, trade with my original account—buy an old boot for a million Neopoints. The game I play to rack up points, it’s even called Cheat. I like that, means a lot to me. Not illegal, no rules in Neopia. Or if there are and they come after me, I’ll escape to Mystery Island. I bet the women there don’t wear tops.

It’s easy, really. Well, easy for me. For others, probably so hard. But I’m smart, I’m so good at Neopets. My pets are so cute. Their petpets are so cute. I have so many Neopoints in the bank, I have so many codestones in my safety deposit box, I have so many faeries trapped in bottles that I can use in battles.

Great game, Neopia is such a fun universe. You should play if you don’t, folks, I’m telling you. You’ll love it, it’s terrific. But you won’t be better than me. I’m the best. I’m the best.




Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish