Homepage / Fake News / Hugging Despots - Will Durst, Humor Times
5 Things To Know About Kirsten Gillibrand List: Signs You’re Under a Spell Cast By a Chill AF Retired Sorcerer With a Ponytail and a Peace Sign Tattoo Defiant Pelosi Begins Swimming To Afghanistan After Trump Denies Use Of Government Plane Trump Postpones Grand Opening Of Trump Tower Moscow Until Fuss Over Bombshell Report Dies Down Michael Cohen Says He Paid To Rig Polls In Trump’s Favor Trump Dismisses Trump As A Distraction ‘If This Report Is True’ To Be Repeated 5.7 Billion Times Today Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game Inside Mike Trapp's Gross New Animated Series ICE Launches Campaign To Reunite Immigrant Children With Arresting Officer Wow, Nobody Tells Me Anything Painfully Honest L.L. Bean Product Descriptions for Urbanites Fans Shocked After Marie Kondo Reveals She Has Been Dating Untidy Cupboard For Past 6 Months Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water Woman Didn’t Know Progress On Toxic Masculinity Would Turn Boyfriend Into Such A Weepy Little Pansy U.S. Taxpayers To Get Income Tax Refund Due To Government Shutdown | Adobo Chronicles Ready For Her Close-Up: This Actress Is Ready For Her Close-Up Is Your Aunt Peggy Paparazzi or Is She Just a Monster? Genetic Tests Reveal Jayme Closs's Abductor 2% Mexican 4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks 5 Things To Know About ‘Glass’ Pelosi Asks Trump To Delay State of the Union During Shutdown John Bolton Insists Iran Likely Harboring Dangerous Terrorist Osama Bin Laden ‘Don’t Make Me Regret This,’ Mueller Tells Rick Gates Before Uncuffing Him To Work On Investigation Together The Wall Leaves a Series of Voicemails for President Trump Could This Be The Last Season We See Rob Gronkowski Fully Assembled In A Patriots Uniform? Poll Finds 100% Of Americans Blame Shutdown Entirely On Colorado Representative Scott Tipton List: What I Imagine Being an English Butler is Like Karen Pence Returns To Work As Part-Time Nude Art Model How To Sound Smart Presumptuous Congressional Freshman Thinks She Can Just Come In And Represent Constituents Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth Netflix Raising Prices The Universe Tells Me | Points in Case List: The 5 Best Garnishes for an Egg Salad Sandwich on the Subway Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal The Survival Guide for Open Mics Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over Artists Draw Ugly Babies Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate Furloughed Government Employee Using Time Off To Visit Local Food Pantry She Been Hearing About Photo Of Egg Breaks World Record For Most-Liked Instagram Post Cute Winter Date Activities To Do Right Before You Break Up Pros And Cons Of Pet Insurance This Dog Is Way Too Happy About Smelling Cancer List: You Won’t Believe the Names of Charles Dickens’ Top Five Male Porn Stars Mom Wants To Know If You Could Use Grandma’s Antique, 12-Person Dining Room Table In Your Studio Apartment Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 15, 2019 Universe Admits We’re Here to Keep up with the Kardashians Man Crouched Inside Of Robotic Welding Arm Terrified Robot Will Eventually Take His Job Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe Lady Gaga Has Second Thoughts About Her “Do What You Want (With My Body)” Duet with R Kelly. Chuck Schumer Honestly Pretty Amazed He Hasn’t Caved Yet Progressive Populism: A Different Kind of Political Beauty GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment NBA Ref Petrified After Seeing Depiction Of Own Death While Looking Under Replay Hood Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along Poll Shows Increasing Number Of Voters Blame Founding Fathers For Starting America The Gruesome Truth About Parasites [Full Episode] Victorian Courtship Etiquette That I, A Millennial Male, Am In Favor of Rekindling William Barr Assures Senate He Will Let Donald Trump Finish His Job Without Any Interference Government Shutdowns By The Numbers FBI Opened Inquiry Into Whether Trump Working For Russians I Just Found Out My Hot Gay Boyfriend Is Also My Twin Brother Tinder Announces App Will No Longer Match Users Solely With Distant Relatives Advisors Instruct William Barr To Avoid Referring To Trump As ‘My Liege’ During Confirmation Hearing Most Americans Blame Trump For Shutdown Furloughed Federal Employee Starts Online Search For New Government GOP Strips Steve King Of Post On Powerful House Segregation Committee 2005 Minnesota Vikings (with Rob O'Connor) ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Excited To Hear Series Will Finally Be Over A Computer Co-Wrote this Sketch Christmas Really Over, Man Realizes As iPhone Game Switches Out Holiday Icon R&B Singer Guesses She’ll Just Keep Moaning Into Mic Until Song Is Over List: Chuck Norris Would Like to Revisit His Facts Nation’s Idiots Announce Plans To Jump Off Their Roofs Into A Pile Of Snow And Break Their Fucking Legs Tips To Become a Better Job Hunter & Gatherer I’m Orville Redenbacher’s Dad and I Think His Popcorn Sucks Ass White Nationalists Accuse Google of Anti-Nazi Bias When He Doesn't Get the Hint [Full Episode] The Lemon Water You Drank in an Attempt to Detox Needs Back-Up Let Me and the 10 Demons That Possess Me Host the Oscars Locker Rooms Bilbo Gets Trolled The Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ‘I’ve Never Had Sex’ Interview Pt 2 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Instant Pot Recipes for Angering Everyone The Humor Times Needs Your Help! The Trump Family Intervention – Marilyn Sands, Humor Times The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Senator Chuck Grassley and Former Senator Orrin Hatch A Day in the Life of Timothée Chalamet’s Stylist Oh No, Did We Hurt Brennan's Feelings? Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Admits: ‘I’ve Never Had Real Sex!’ | You make the news…We report it! List: Official Ranking of Every Hollywood “Chris” Ethan Hawke’s Body Found Dumped In Laurel Canyon As 2019 Oscar Race Heats Up I Will Continue to Block the Slide Until We Build a Wall Separating Our Recess from Mrs. Montgomery’s Class

Fake News

Hugging Despots – Will Durst, Humor Times


Will Durst, Hugging Despots

Trump’s love of tyrants and despots is tremendous.

For some unfathomable reason Donald Trump has worked himself into one heavy-duty lather over dictators. Strongmen. Warlords. Kingpins. His love of tyrants is tremendous. It is amazing. It is huge. The man relishes hugging despots. Vladimir Putin. Rodrigo Duterte. Kim Jong Un. Kanye West.

The president backed up his good buddy Mohammed bin Salman who assured him that Saudi Arabia had nothing to do with Jamal Khashoggi’s disappearance from their Istanbul embassy. Not only did the Crown Prince deny any involvement, “it was a forceful denial,” which means it has to be true. How could anybody lie when delivering a forceful denial?

The 45th POTUS trusted his pal so much he summoned all his public relations skills to offer up the opinion that the columnist might have been slain by “rogue killers.” Yeah. Sure. That’s it. Or maybe he was consumed by spontaneous combustion. Or struck by an asteroid. No, it was the one-armed man. He got stuck in a cave like that Thai soccer team. Flesh eating bacteria? Could have been another 400-pound fat guy on a couch.

We waited breathlessly for the president to rationalize that when it comes to investigative journalists and rogue killers, “you can find good people on both sides.” Surprisingly, he neither tried that or blaming Hillary Clinton.

Turkish officials claim to possess evidence that an autopsy specialist transporting a bone saw was among the 15-member Saudi hit team that dismembered and beheaded Khashoggi during an interrogation. Which you might think would hinder the man’s ability to provide answers to specific queries.

Over a two week period, the Saudis furnished enough explanations to fill the trunk of a limo with room left over for the dismembered parts of many bodies. “We have no idea what happened.” “He left through the rear entrance.” “He’s fine, just sleepy.” “Fell down during an interrogation and couldn’t get up.” “Accidentally died during a fist fight.”

And if that last bit were true, it’s obviously his own damn fault. Only a journalist would get into a fist-fight with 15 guys armed with a bone saw. The man deserved everything he got.

Nobody knows how the Turks are aware of this. They too have spun enough tales to bore Scheherazade. First they floated the story that Khashoggi’s own Apple Watch recorded the deadly rumpus, which confused everyone including Apple CEO Tim Cook. The general impression is that there are more bugs in the Saudi Embassy than in the basement of the Smithsonian’s National History Museum.

The Saudis promised a thorough and transparent investigation, which is like letting Jeffrey Dahmer find out how that head got in his refrigerator. Finally they said the Washington Post columnist was dead but they didn’t mean to kill him. Some rogue killers got into their embassy and were torturing him when something went awry. Not their fault. Just an attempted rendition that screwed the pooch. Could have happened to any murderous regime.

Trump refuses to even consider slapping sanctions on the Saudis because “people are innocent until proven guilty.” This guy sees only what he wants to see, and mostly now he sees hundreds of billions in arm sales. He’s not just myopic, he’s a myopic ostrich, burying his head in the sand. In this case, extremely oil-rich Saudi sand.

The following two tabs change content below.

The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says “Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!” Check his website for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will’s books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.




Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish