Homepage / Fake News / How to Nail Your Next Job Interview Even Though the Return of Xwq, the Celestial Obliviator, is All You Can Think About
Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 22, 2019 My [24m] Girlfriend [24f] is Leaving Me for a Brooklyn Alternative Comic [40fuckingloser] Congressman Dean Koonce Appears in Black Face on Capitol Floor Orlando Locals Fear Town Starting To Become Overrun By Tourists Doctor Weirded Out By Patient She Just Met Providing Every Lurid Detail Of Medical History Nation Celebrates MLK Day Little Shop Of Hey Now Queen Elizabeth Watches As Oxen Pull Apart Farmer Who Failed To Provide Yearly Tithe Of Grain The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 21, 2019 Getting Stuck in a Dance Circle 11 Questions You Should Never Ask On A First Date at a Haunted Murder Restaurant Dan Savage Disgusted By Letter From Perverted Reader Contemplating Oral Sex Trump Approval Plunges Amidst Shutdown 5 Things To Know About Julián Castro Man Beginning To Worry That Best Meals Already Behind Him Bergman’s of Sweden: The Existential Diner List: The Only 64 Crayola Crayon Colors Allowed in Mother Pence’s Immanuel Christian School Art Class Trump No Longer Considered Subject of Satire due to Redundancy Seeing Your Teacher in Public [Full Episode] The Trump Steaks Government Shutdown Special I’m Marie Fucking Kondo and You Can Keep All Your Fucking Books, You Ingrates Bored Donald Trump Plans Orgy for West Wing Democrats Counter-Proposal: Build a Wall Around Trump Super Bowl LIII Update: Sneak Preview of NFL Official Sponsors The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez DIY Face Masks That Heal Everything Except the Adolescent Damage From Claire Zabicky Playing Diablo Summons the Devil Bound by My Stepbrother Polar Vortex Splits Into U.S.-Chilling Rings Despite Test Results Doctor No Idea What Wrong With You Yahoo! Turns 25 Should The Oakland A’s Have Sent Brad Pitt To Persuade Kyler Murray? ISS Astronaut Sick Of Sharing Confined Space With Crass, Disgusting Partner From Polaris 8 5 Things To Know About Kirsten Gillibrand List: Signs You’re Under a Spell Cast By a Chill AF Retired Sorcerer With a Ponytail and a Peace Sign Tattoo Defiant Pelosi Begins Swimming To Afghanistan After Trump Denies Use Of Government Plane Trump Postpones Grand Opening Of Trump Tower Moscow Until Fuss Over Bombshell Report Dies Down Michael Cohen Says He Paid To Rig Polls In Trump’s Favor Trump Dismisses Trump As A Distraction ‘If This Report Is True’ To Be Repeated 5.7 Billion Times Today Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game Inside Mike Trapp's Gross New Animated Series ICE Launches Campaign To Reunite Immigrant Children With Arresting Officer Wow, Nobody Tells Me Anything Painfully Honest L.L. Bean Product Descriptions for Urbanites Fans Shocked After Marie Kondo Reveals She Has Been Dating Untidy Cupboard For Past 6 Months Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water Woman Didn’t Know Progress On Toxic Masculinity Would Turn Boyfriend Into Such A Weepy Little Pansy U.S. Taxpayers To Get Income Tax Refund Due To Government Shutdown | Adobo Chronicles Ready For Her Close-Up: This Actress Is Ready For Her Close-Up Is Your Aunt Peggy Paparazzi or Is She Just a Monster? Genetic Tests Reveal Jayme Closs's Abductor 2% Mexican 4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks 5 Things To Know About ‘Glass’ Pelosi Asks Trump To Delay State of the Union During Shutdown John Bolton Insists Iran Likely Harboring Dangerous Terrorist Osama Bin Laden ‘Don’t Make Me Regret This,’ Mueller Tells Rick Gates Before Uncuffing Him To Work On Investigation Together The Wall Leaves a Series of Voicemails for President Trump Could This Be The Last Season We See Rob Gronkowski Fully Assembled In A Patriots Uniform? Poll Finds 100% Of Americans Blame Shutdown Entirely On Colorado Representative Scott Tipton List: What I Imagine Being an English Butler is Like Karen Pence Returns To Work As Part-Time Nude Art Model How To Sound Smart Presumptuous Congressional Freshman Thinks She Can Just Come In And Represent Constituents Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth Netflix Raising Prices The Universe Tells Me | Points in Case List: The 5 Best Garnishes for an Egg Salad Sandwich on the Subway Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal The Survival Guide for Open Mics Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over Artists Draw Ugly Babies Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate Furloughed Government Employee Using Time Off To Visit Local Food Pantry She Been Hearing About Photo Of Egg Breaks World Record For Most-Liked Instagram Post Cute Winter Date Activities To Do Right Before You Break Up Pros And Cons Of Pet Insurance This Dog Is Way Too Happy About Smelling Cancer List: You Won’t Believe the Names of Charles Dickens’ Top Five Male Porn Stars Mom Wants To Know If You Could Use Grandma’s Antique, 12-Person Dining Room Table In Your Studio Apartment Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 15, 2019 Universe Admits We’re Here to Keep up with the Kardashians Man Crouched Inside Of Robotic Welding Arm Terrified Robot Will Eventually Take His Job Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe Lady Gaga Has Second Thoughts About Her “Do What You Want (With My Body)” Duet with R Kelly. Chuck Schumer Honestly Pretty Amazed He Hasn’t Caved Yet Progressive Populism: A Different Kind of Political Beauty GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment NBA Ref Petrified After Seeing Depiction Of Own Death While Looking Under Replay Hood Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along Poll Shows Increasing Number Of Voters Blame Founding Fathers For Starting America The Gruesome Truth About Parasites [Full Episode] Victorian Courtship Etiquette That I, A Millennial Male, Am In Favor of Rekindling William Barr Assures Senate He Will Let Donald Trump Finish His Job Without Any Interference Government Shutdowns By The Numbers

Fake News

How to Nail Your Next Job Interview Even Though the Return of Xwq, the Celestial Obliviator, is All You Can Think About



Are you struggling with job interviews? Spending all night on prep, but still not getting past the first round? Struggling to remember crucial information because of the ominous, prophetic dreams you have every night?

Well, remember that there’s more to interviewing than just technical knowledge—you’ve got to win over your interviewer on a personal level too!

Here are 8 tips that will help you master the human side of the job interview.

1. Make a strong first impression.

First impressions are incredibly important! The very first few seconds after you meet someone are instrumental in how you perceive them.

With this in mind, pull out all the stops from the start. Dress to the nines, even if you’re so uneasy you feel like you’re going to pop out of your own skin. Greet your interviewer warmly and with a firm handshake, even if your hands are shaking uncontrollably for some reason.

Don’t make any big mistakes. Don’t show your nervousness. If you’re feeling sick, or still have heartburn after lunch, or whatever that strange tingling feeling in your chest is, don’t show it!

Fake it till you make it, that’s the key!

2. Make eye contact.

It seems obvious, but you’d be amazed at how many people stumble at this simple hurdle. Eye contact establishes an instant rapport with your interviewer. It’s a clear display of calm and confidence, it tells your interviewer you’re engaged and paying attention, and by keeping your head up, your voice will be clearer and more direct.

The temptation to look down might be overwhelming—especially if you’re anxious or if you feel the searing pain that indicates that the Ashes of Xwq are bursting forth from your sternum as you speak—but don’t give in. (And in the latter case, make sure not to scream!)

Good eye contact shows them right away that you’re a people person!

3. Project confidence in your body language.

Slouching, fidgeting, hunching your shoulders, whatever—it may all be an instinctive, involuntary reaction to the Ashes cementing Xwq’s control upon your mind in preparation for the Uncovering, but your interviewer is going to read exactly one thing into it: you’re not cut out for a job that requires poise and leadership.

And that’s not the message you want to convey!

4. Don’t leave to answer the phone.

Can you say “rude”? This is a total faux pas.

Even if the urge to give word to your fellow Subordinates that the Time of Inversion is nigh burns just as strongly in your heart as the Ashes of Xwq do upon your skin, you can’t let that distract you from the task at hand.

Sure, maybe your interviewer has Seen, too, but you can’t count on them having that understanding. It’s not a risk worth taking.

5. Connect with your interviewer.

It’s simple psychology! If you can make your interviewer like you on a personal level, they’re more likely to like your interview. How you make that happen is entirely up to you: you can crack a joke, or latch onto something you have in common—did you go to the same school, maybe? Grow up in the same town?

Or—wait, are those the Ashes glowing through their shirt too? They—they have Seen! How marvelous! You can join them in praise of the all-devouring glories of Xwq, the Formless!

6. Speak clearly.

Even a mutual devotion to the Overpowerer is no guarantee that you’ll get the job! You still have to come across as dependable and professional, and how you speak is a big part of that.

Make sure your interviewer isn’t leaning across the desk to make out what you’re saying. Speak loud and clear, and absolutely do not mumble or slur any words. An amateur mistake, like pronouncing “Xwq” as “ksw’ck” or “sh’ouk,” will just show that you aren’t yet one of the True Deepseers!

7. Do something memorable.

There’s a lot of people in the running for this job. You can’t let yourself fade into the crowd. So if the chance presents itself, do something remarkable.

Solve that programming question with a left-field approach! Offer your employer a new and exciting stock tip! Join your interviewer in a ritual to celebrate Xwq, the Infinite-Legged, and bask together in the resultant Solar Blessings!

When you both are atomized, made one with the paradimensional apocalypse you helped bring about, your interviewer may not remember how they came to know you, but they will remember how hard you worked to bring about the Timeless Chaos, and they’ll be sure to recommend you to a cushy position at the side of the Negater of Entropy!

8. Smile—but not too much.

Remember, you want to appear friendly and relatable, but also focused and driven! Don’t be ashamed of those pearly whites, but be careful not to overdo it—it’ll just look forced!




Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

en_USEnglish
en_USEnglish