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Fake News

How I Got a Ticket Speed Dating


Speed Dating is not half bad – here’s my take on it.

Speed Dating

By the way – I hate that saying ‘You have to talk to a lot of Frogs before you can rub their belly’.

Oh, I shouldn’t have?  No wonder they didn’t call!  ha ha

You know Speed Dating is not half bad – it’s almost like meeting on a Bus but without all that bumping into Erogenous Zones business.

Feel free to change Bus to Train, Trolley, Subway or Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart!

And, what’s more Romantic than a Name Tag & a Scorecard?

You’ve seen it played out in movies & TV – but in real time; it still looks like it’s the most revolting way to date a Sociopath!

And, they give you advice:

‘Do show some skin – wherever you wish; but not too much.  Choose one area & cover the rest’.

I was so confused, I showed up in torn jeans & mukluks!

They also said, ‘When in doubt; wear Red’. People are such Sheep – when I got there; I thought my eyes were bleeding!

First of all, I’m not desperate or anything – this was solely for Research & to make everyone else I date look better!

Well, I just came back from my first & last foray into ‘Speed Dating’ & none of the guys knew I’d be writing this – my little secret.

How did I get ready for this?  Well, first – I airbrushed myself!

Don’t laugh – try taking 30 years off in one night!

5 minutes to sell yourself?  And, you have to see if there’s a spark!

Not even enough time to check his criminal record, his car in the parking lot or see if he has a tan line around his ring finger!

Actually, in some cases; 5 minutes is too long – after 4 minutesthat last minute seems like you’re stuck in traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel, your ears just popped & your car is just sitting there leaking oil!

More than anything – you have to ask the right questions that cut to the chase – without referring to money, religion or Political Party!

So, my 1st questions was “Do you like sex”?  Too Soon?

Just kidding – what I really asked was “Can you talk fast”?

What happens is – the women sit down at a table & a dozen men come to your table one by one.  When the dinger goes off; the first man gets up, you rate him on a sheet of paper & he does the same – and then the next guy does the same thing.

After an hour & a half, the Host gathers the papers & runs off with your money – no, he contacts you if there’s a Match & you get to exchange phone numbers!

They say, when ‘The Dinger’ goes off, the guy should say goodbye properly – not run to the next table like Secretariat!

All in all, it was a most enlightening night – so thank G-d & GE…for dim bulbs!

Speed Dating

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80’s Stand-Up Comic who started out in the DC/MD/VA area, moved to the Bay Area in Northern California and now resides in L.A. She has sold jokes to Joan Rivers, lesser lights and gag magazines, and is a screenwriter, playwright and author of non-fiction.

Marilyn Sands



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