Homepage / Fake News / Harassing the Harassee - Will Durst, Humor Times
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Fake News

Harassing the Harassee – Will Durst, Humor Times


Will Durst, Harassing the Harassee

The Republicans’ brilliant strategy for the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation process was harassing the harassee.

The Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court confirmation process has stumbled forward like a ten year-old pushing a marble pedestal twice his size up a four-story stairwell. You could say that Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s allegations concerning Kavanaugh have sort of gummed up the proceedings. You could also say that blue meat best not be eaten raw.

The doctor claims that 36 years ago when she was a drunken 15 year-old at a high school party in a private residence, the 17 year-old future judge threw her on a bed and covered her mouth to prevent her screaming. He denies everything: being there and/or knowing the girl. He even tried floating an evil twin theory. The only argument he hasn’t trotted out is the Donald Trump defense, which characterizes the charges as being baseless because she wasn’t pretty enough.

The 45th POTUS who nominated him doubts the accusation as well. Then again, he doesn’t believe many women. Not any of the dozen women who accused him of sexual harassment. Not the women who claimed Judge Roy Moore attacked them. Not the other two women who have forward to accuse Kavanaugh. As far as the president is concerned, it’s not a “he-said, she-said,” thing but more of a “he-said, she-lies” deal.

A major hitch in the Kavanaugh proceedings is the visual aspect of the Republican majority on the Senate Judiciary Committee. All 11 members are white males. Not just white, but bordering on translucent. Their answer to these unfortunate optics was to hire Arizona rape case prosecutor Rachel Mitchell as a female substitute (“female assistant,” as Mitch McConnell put it), to ask questions if and when the good doctor testifies. Going straight to the Stunt Surrogate Senator Solution.

Overall, the conservative response has been fluid, morphing from “she’s mixed up, it didn’t happen,” to “it might have happened, but it wasn’t that bad,” to “okay, maybe it happened and was bad but its way too late to do anything about it.” The next position will inevitably be: “don’t worry, he’ll be fine ruling on cases from his prison cell.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell cautioned supporters not to worry about testimony or an investigation because “We will plow right through it” to confirm Kavanaugh as a Supreme. Giving the impression she’s a human speed bump the GOP machine is willing to run right over to reach their conservative agenda. With studded snow tires.

Committee chairman Chuck Grassley seems to be in a bit of a rush to confirm Kavanaugh to his lifetime appointment to the highest court of the land. He needs to get this over by the first Monday of October when the new Court convenes, and has arbitrarily imposed made-up deadlines to further harass the person who claims to have been harassed. Because, well, obviously she’s used to it.

Kavanaugh’s polling has sunk so low, you’d need the newest high- tech spelunking gear to detect it and then only through sonar. Six weeks before the midterm election and the GOP has taken dead aim at women. Smooth move.

Someone needs to remind this collection of clueless white guys that the 19th Amendment gave women the vote a couple of years ago. 98 to be exact. Perhaps the 2020 Centennial Party will kick-off early, maybe this November 6th by plowing right through a few Republican males.

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The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says “Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!” Check his website for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will’s books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.




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