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Frequently Asked Questions Regarding Our Controversially Heavy Weighted Blankets



Some have said our Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blankets are “criminally heavy” and “medically unsafe.” That’s nonsense. We simply believe in the healing power of sleep, and liquidating large amounts of merchandise at whatever cost. To set your mind at ease, we’ve assembled this helpful and legally mandated FAQ page.


What are the perks of sleeping with a weighted blanket?

Weighted blankets promote a sense of peace for anxious sleepers. If you’ve ever slept under far too many covers, you’ll know how hot and difficult to move it is. A weighted blanket mimics this feeling exactly– with just one convenient blanket.

How are your Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blankets different from other weighted blankets?

Our Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blankets are five to seven times heavier than any other blanket on the market. Instead of using rice or synthetic beans for the filling, we’ve used scrap metal, gravel, concrete, dead batteries, and other debris.

How heavy of a weighted blanket should I buy?

It really depends on how thoroughly you’d like to be crushed in your sleep. A blanket of ten percent of your body weight is generally recommended, but why stop there? With our Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket, you can go up to one hundred pounds if you’re hardcore enough.

How do I know if I’m hardcore enough?

If you’re asking this question, you are extremely hardcore! Buy the hundred-pounder.

Does the Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket come in fun colors?

Weighted blankets are specially designed to look bad with any bedroom color scheme. This is a time-honored tradition of weighted blankets, and we carry on that legacy proudly.

Once it arrives, how will I carry my new Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket up to my third story apartment?

As you would with any package! After all, it’s only a one hundred pound blanket in a box.

What’s the best way to make my bed with my new Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket?

This blanket is an extremely ugly non-color, so you will be tempted to hide it under a quilt. Unfortunately, this will result in your sheets getting really balled up. We recommend putting it on top of all of your bedding for best results. Show it off proudly!

What if the Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket doesn’t help me sleep peacefully?

That can and does happen frequently! Our weighted blankets inhibit all movement, making it extremely difficult to switch positions. Many of our customers experience multiple pulled muscles all over their body from trying to get comfortable. What a great incentive to lie still!

How will I wash my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket?

You don’t! This fucking blanket weighs one hundred pounds!

How should I store my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket?

Put it on a high shelf. Hahaha, just kidding. Few people are strong enough to lift the Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket above their head. Just fold it badly and kick it underneath your bed!

I dropped my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket on my foot and broke several bones.

Gadzooks! How wonderfully whimsical! We are not responsible for any damage your weighted blanket may cause.

I’d like return my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket.

That makes sense! You have 4 hours upon delivery to return your Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket. All you have to do is pay shipping and handling.

Can I donate my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket?

Interestingly enough, no! We’re one of the few products that resell and donation centers will point-blank not accept.

Can I throw away my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket?

Most trash and junk collectors won’t accept our blankets, either. In fact, nearly every major city will fine you for disposing of them in the trash, due to environmental regulations.

Can I set the Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket on fire?

You can try, but you probably won’t get very far! We definitely cut some
corners when developing the Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket, but
fireproofing wasn’t one of them. You can literally soak this thing in
gasoline and throw it on a bonfire and it will hold up remarkably well. We
feel confident that once this blanket is in your life, it’s not going
anywhere.

So, I’ll have this Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket forever?

Probably! You could call this blanket heirloom-quality!

Great.

We think so, too!

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