Homepage / Fake News / Facebook Announces Plan To Combat Fake News Stories By Making Them Actually Happen
Man Regrets Wasting Money On College After Failing To Secure Perfect Dream Life By 24 Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 22, 2019 My [24m] Girlfriend [24f] is Leaving Me for a Brooklyn Alternative Comic [40fuckingloser] Congressman Dean Koonce Appears in Black Face on Capitol Floor Orlando Locals Fear Town Starting To Become Overrun By Tourists Doctor Weirded Out By Patient She Just Met Providing Every Lurid Detail Of Medical History Nation Celebrates MLK Day Little Shop Of Hey Now Queen Elizabeth Watches As Oxen Pull Apart Farmer Who Failed To Provide Yearly Tithe Of Grain The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 21, 2019 Getting Stuck in a Dance Circle 11 Questions You Should Never Ask On A First Date at a Haunted Murder Restaurant Dan Savage Disgusted By Letter From Perverted Reader Contemplating Oral Sex Trump Approval Plunges Amidst Shutdown 5 Things To Know About Julián Castro Man Beginning To Worry That Best Meals Already Behind Him Bergman’s of Sweden: The Existential Diner List: The Only 64 Crayola Crayon Colors Allowed in Mother Pence’s Immanuel Christian School Art Class Trump No Longer Considered Subject of Satire due to Redundancy Seeing Your Teacher in Public [Full Episode] The Trump Steaks Government Shutdown Special I’m Marie Fucking Kondo and You Can Keep All Your Fucking Books, You Ingrates Bored Donald Trump Plans Orgy for West Wing Democrats Counter-Proposal: Build a Wall Around Trump Super Bowl LIII Update: Sneak Preview of NFL Official Sponsors The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez DIY Face Masks That Heal Everything Except the Adolescent Damage From Claire Zabicky Playing Diablo Summons the Devil Bound by My Stepbrother Polar Vortex Splits Into U.S.-Chilling Rings Despite Test Results Doctor No Idea What Wrong With You Yahoo! Turns 25 Should The Oakland A’s Have Sent Brad Pitt To Persuade Kyler Murray? ISS Astronaut Sick Of Sharing Confined Space With Crass, Disgusting Partner From Polaris 8 5 Things To Know About Kirsten Gillibrand List: Signs You’re Under a Spell Cast By a Chill AF Retired Sorcerer With a Ponytail and a Peace Sign Tattoo Defiant Pelosi Begins Swimming To Afghanistan After Trump Denies Use Of Government Plane Trump Postpones Grand Opening Of Trump Tower Moscow Until Fuss Over Bombshell Report Dies Down Michael Cohen Says He Paid To Rig Polls In Trump’s Favor Trump Dismisses Trump As A Distraction ‘If This Report Is True’ To Be Repeated 5.7 Billion Times Today Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game Inside Mike Trapp's Gross New Animated Series ICE Launches Campaign To Reunite Immigrant Children With Arresting Officer Wow, Nobody Tells Me Anything Painfully Honest L.L. Bean Product Descriptions for Urbanites Fans Shocked After Marie Kondo Reveals She Has Been Dating Untidy Cupboard For Past 6 Months Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water Woman Didn’t Know Progress On Toxic Masculinity Would Turn Boyfriend Into Such A Weepy Little Pansy U.S. Taxpayers To Get Income Tax Refund Due To Government Shutdown | Adobo Chronicles Ready For Her Close-Up: This Actress Is Ready For Her Close-Up Is Your Aunt Peggy Paparazzi or Is She Just a Monster? Genetic Tests Reveal Jayme Closs's Abductor 2% Mexican 4 Times In ‘Legally Blonde’ Where Reese Witherspoon Breaks Character To Explain That Women Aren’t Going To Get A Better Movie Than This For The Next 20 Years Man Nervous About Telling Date He Has Her Kids Ames Executives Scrambling After New Shovel Design Leaks 5 Things To Know About ‘Glass’ Pelosi Asks Trump To Delay State of the Union During Shutdown John Bolton Insists Iran Likely Harboring Dangerous Terrorist Osama Bin Laden ‘Don’t Make Me Regret This,’ Mueller Tells Rick Gates Before Uncuffing Him To Work On Investigation Together The Wall Leaves a Series of Voicemails for President Trump Could This Be The Last Season We See Rob Gronkowski Fully Assembled In A Patriots Uniform? Poll Finds 100% Of Americans Blame Shutdown Entirely On Colorado Representative Scott Tipton List: What I Imagine Being an English Butler is Like Karen Pence Returns To Work As Part-Time Nude Art Model How To Sound Smart Presumptuous Congressional Freshman Thinks She Can Just Come In And Represent Constituents Zamboni Jams Up After Running Over Large Patch Of Loose Teeth Netflix Raising Prices The Universe Tells Me | Points in Case List: The 5 Best Garnishes for an Egg Salad Sandwich on the Subway Fox News Debuts Premium Channel For 24-Hour Coverage Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What U.K. Parliament Rejects Theresa May’s Brexit Deal The Survival Guide for Open Mics Woman Rushes To Hide Fragile Objects, Cover Up Sharp Corners On Tables Before Boyfriend Comes Over Artists Draw Ugly Babies Lincoln Memorial Empty After Former President’s Statue Furloughed New Hampshire Legislature Passes Bill Naming Fentanyl State Opiate Furloughed Government Employee Using Time Off To Visit Local Food Pantry She Been Hearing About Photo Of Egg Breaks World Record For Most-Liked Instagram Post Cute Winter Date Activities To Do Right Before You Break Up Pros And Cons Of Pet Insurance This Dog Is Way Too Happy About Smelling Cancer List: You Won’t Believe the Names of Charles Dickens’ Top Five Male Porn Stars Mom Wants To Know If You Could Use Grandma’s Antique, 12-Person Dining Room Table In Your Studio Apartment Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 15, 2019 Universe Admits We’re Here to Keep up with the Kardashians Man Crouched Inside Of Robotic Welding Arm Terrified Robot Will Eventually Take His Job Fed-Up EU Rejects United Kingdom, Gives British 30 Days To Vacate Europe Lady Gaga Has Second Thoughts About Her “Do What You Want (With My Body)” Duet with R Kelly. Chuck Schumer Honestly Pretty Amazed He Hasn’t Caved Yet Progressive Populism: A Different Kind of Political Beauty GOP Leaders Condemn Steve King For White Supremacy Comment NBA Ref Petrified After Seeing Depiction Of Own Death While Looking Under Replay Hood Viagra Announces Real Medicine That Gave Customers Erections Was Confidence All Along Poll Shows Increasing Number Of Voters Blame Founding Fathers For Starting America The Gruesome Truth About Parasites [Full Episode] Victorian Courtship Etiquette That I, A Millennial Male, Am In Favor of Rekindling William Barr Assures Senate He Will Let Donald Trump Finish His Job Without Any Interference

Fake News

Facebook Announces Plan To Combat Fake News Stories By Making Them Actually Happen

The social media company completed construction on a 3-million-square-foot command center in Silicon Valley, from which it will deploy tens of thousands of employees to points across the globe in order to carry out in real life the events depicted in fake stories.

MENLO PARK, CA—Responding to widespread criticism over the hoaxes and political disinformation featured on its platform, Facebook announced at a press conference Friday a new initiative to combat fake news by making the inaccurate stories on the social media site actually happen.

CEO Mark Zuckerberg, who told reporters it was vitally important that Facebook address the false information it distributes and regain the trust of users by bringing every single untrue story to life, said the company has already hired 100,000 new employees to carry out widespread government conspiracies and other erroneously reported activities until all purported news on the site was accurate.

“We take this problem very seriously, and I want our users to be confident that the stories they see on Facebook are either true already or will be very soon,” said Zuckerberg, who explained that the company has budgeted $45 billion toward ensuring that anytime news on the site was determined to be fake, vast resources would be available to make that news real. “For example, if you read about high-level Democrats running a child sex ring out of the basement of a D.C.-area pizzeria, we will go to that restaurant, dig a basement if there isn’t one already, and get that human-trafficking operation up and running. That’s how dedicated we are to factual accuracy at Facebook.”

“In fact, we recently stopped a major fake story when we forced thousands of Muslim families to establish sharia law in Dallas and then blackmailed the entire police department until they agreed to treat a local neighborhood as a no-go zone,” Zuckerberg added.

In addition to employing a new, state-of-the-art algorithm to help sort out stories that are currently true from those that need to become true, officials said the company would introduce a new feature that allows users to flag articles that are not yet real. According to sources, stories would then be sent to Facebook’s fact-checking partners, including InfoWars, YourNewsWire.com, and the Daily Stormer, for further review.

The social media company has also completed construction on a 3-million-square-foot command center in Silicon Valley, from which it will deploy tens of thousands of employees to points across the globe in order to carry out in real life the events depicted in fake stories, whether that means setting up Obamacare death panels, hiring immigrants to go out and commit crimes in disproportionately high numbers, convincing Melania Trump to employ a body double, or working around the clock to develop a vaccine that will finally cause autism in children.

“If an article on Facebook states that President Trump’s agenda is being undermined due to a deep-state conspiracy headed by Ellen DeGeneres, it is our public responsibility to infiltrate the federal government with thousands of highly trained agents, recruit Ms. DeGeneres as an asset, and make that a reality,” said Zuckerberg, who also outlined a plan to purchase a massive fleet of jets that will spray trails of chemicals across the sky in order to psychologically manipulate the world’s populace. “As a precautionary measure, we’ve already begun sending paychecks to anyone who protests at an event where Trump is speaking, just in case another story on Facebook accuses them of having been paid for their efforts.”

“Similarly, in response to fabricated accounts on Facebook of how the government is attempting to destroy Second Amendment rights, we staged a ‘school shooting’ in which no one actually died and child actors were used to portray the supposedly dead victims,” Zuckerberg continued.

Executives at Facebook confirmed their efforts go beyond fighting politically motivated stories, saying that after an article about a sleeping morgue employee being mistaken for a dead body and cremated was flagged as false, they saw to it the individual in question was burned alive. In response to a story spread on the site about a banana in an Oklahoma Walmart testing positive for HIV, Facebook hired a team of scientists to genetically engineer fruit capable of contracting the disease and had it placed in the store’s produce department.

Because fake celebrity death stories are among the most widespread of hoaxes perpetuated on Facebook, the company has reportedly corrected those mistakes by ordering its in-house team of assassins to kill Kirk Douglas, Bob Barker, Robert Redford, Carlos Santana, Paul McCartney, Jackie Chan, Mark McGrath, and others.

Early feedback from Facebook users on the plan to make fake news real has been largely positive.

“It’s great to know that when I see a story about Malia Obama getting arrested for drug possession, Facebook will, one way or another, make sure that is indeed what happens,” said 33-year-old Greenville, NC resident Keith Wade. “I hate it when I get told things like, ‘Delta Airlines is offering free tickets if you take a short survey,’ and then find out later it’s not true. That’s the worst.”

“I shouldn’t be forced to think that much about stuff I read on the internet,” he added.

Source link

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.