Spacious DS-1 Orbital Battle Station w/View
Geonosis, Arkanis Sector, Outer Rim Territories
7,599 Imperial Credits per night. Weekly and monthly available.
173,164 Guests | Multi-family Dwelling | 86,582 Bedrooms | 86,582 Beds | 1 Bath
(Haha, jk, actually 34,309 Master Baths stocked with Kyber Foaming Bath Crystals)
This home is on people’s minds.
It’s been viewed 500+ times in the past week.
6,712,194,336,749 square feet of palatial splendor, designed with the ruling class in mind. Nestled in the beautiful peach tree-lined ionosphere of planet Geonosis. Close to major shopping and mass transit. Short drive to schools and Naboo Walmart Supercenter.
Nightspot Chalmun’s Cantina on nearby planet Tatooine features exotic dancers, some with over 20 breasts. Downside: weird-ass jazz combo only knows one song.
Great for those days when you’re in a bad mood and just “wanna kill everybody on the whole fucking planet.”
Think Space Camp with a twist!
Pets are permitted with some restrictions. Wookies must be on leash at all times and muzzled. Loth-cats must be declawed and have proof of shots. 50 Imperial Credit deposit. Banthas require a 150,000 Imperial Credit deposit.
Guests have full access to all levels of the Orbital Battle Station w/ the exceptions of the Overbridge and Imperial Conference Room. If you enter one of the restricted areas you will be summarily executed and jettisoned into deep space. Sorry for the inconvenience!
Interaction with Guests
We love our guests and want you to feel right at home. So please feel free to approach us at any time with any questions about the facilities or just to play a quick pickup B-ball or Canasta game.
Your 1.7 million roommates are all trained salad chefs with high-powered Presto Salad Shooters, so whenever you get the salad munchies, you’re covered.
By the way, your housemates may look like Imperial Stormtroopers, but they’re actually Mormons whose bikes are in pawn shops, so no worries about late night rock music.
One word of caution: you might wanna avoid using the words “surely you don’t believe in that ancient religion” when discussing their Mormon faith.
11,300 fully-equipped gyms with Jacuzzis.
Protected by ADP Failsafe Security. Guaranteed 100% complete protection from Jedi fighter attacks, asteroid fields, and far-flung Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Coolest fucking doors ever!
Suppository-shaped, toaster-based personal assistant included at no additional charge. Makes weird, annoying noises, but remote control has a mute feature.
Superlaser Concave Dish Network with 143,000 channels, including the James Earl Jones Comedy Mashup, the Algarian Game Show Channel, and Nitrogen.
Tractor beam emitters make for speedy removal of any stealthy Jehovah’s Witnesses that ADP should miss.
Full use of HoloNet Wi-Fi network powered by Comcast. And good luck with that.
Pari-mutuel betting at Jar-Jar Binks Memorial Stables and Racing Arena on Level 40.
Entire facility sprayed with “Walking Carpet”-Fresh.
Snack Pack fruit cups preserved in Corbomite in each personal room fridge.
112-foot nitrogen-cooled IMAX TV from Best Buy. And good luck with that.
Habitable Crust Pizza offers free room delivery of a large 3-topping pie for just $8.99.
Yoda There Is No Try, Do or Don’t Do™ Laxatives available in all 34,309 bathrooms.
- Do not “force choke” other guests just because they’re from California unless they are really annoying or mention In ‘n Out Burger too often.
- NO JEDIS.
- If your Wookie takes a #2 in the pool area, you’re cleaning that shit up.
- NO JEDIS.
- Do not use your lightsaber to kill cats unless they are really fucking annoying or mention In ‘n Out Burger too often.
- NO JEDIS.
- NO JEDIS. WE FUCKING MEAN IT.
Great weekend getaway! The rice pilaf was delicious and the view was spectacular! We’ll definitely be back!
This place was terrible! Everyone there tried to kill me! But on the bright side, I have to admit the doors were really fucking cool.
Great! The shrimp kabobs were delicious and the linens smelled so good! We’ll definitely be back!
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Contact Info: S. Palpatine. [email protected] or just hmu on my Snapchat, sidiousbae.