Drink a sip of your White Russian every time your Republican uncle says Trump is doing well with international affairs. Then, crack a joke about Trump having an “international affair with Russia,” bitterly laugh, and pound the rest of your White Russian.
Make an Old Fashioned. Then, next time you see someone in a “Make America Great Again” hat, throw your Old Fashioned at them, scream, and then drink straight whiskey until you feel no pain.
Down a shot of tequila every time you remember how great a president Obama was. After one hour of this game, you should be feeling pretty crazy—just like the 2016 election. Once you’re too drunk to remember that Trump won, make the tequila into a margarita and celebrate.
Take a shot of rum for every woman of color who was elected in the 2018 midterms. Then, remember that Ted Cruz still won and smash the bottle on your kitchen floor while drunkenly sob-shrieking, “Beto!” When a loved one finds you like this, drink some water to sober up and pretend Trump isn’t doing irreversible environmental damage. Enjoy that fresh water while you still can!
Sip a Mai Tai every time you fantasize about escaping to a beach somewhere where the alt-right will never find you. When this doesn’t work, drink an entire bottle of peppermint schnapps while planning your immigration to Canada in one night. Take an extra shot if you finally get up the courage to go through with buying the plane tickets.
Make a martini and drink it while you’re pretending to be James Bond. He had the power to save countries from their demise, right? Choke on the olive, consider calling for medical help, and then get pissed off again about how America doesn’t have universal healthcare. Make another martini.
Drink a Bloody Mary at brunch while listening to a British couple next to you have a conversation. When they ask you if you’re American, nod. Then, when they turn away, whisper, “please take me with you.” Order three more Bloody Marys while waving a small, paper, American flag to surrender. This is what giving up looks like, you think.